Sunday, September 01, 2019

JP Mac Fiction, Non-Fiction, and Running


wallpaper.co
My tale of murderous witchcraft in a Hollywood apartment building has been selected by Soteira Press. "Mark of the Bruja" will appear in an upcoming anthology of stories themed around horror in California. Keep an eye out for publication updates. A lot of water under the old author bridge since I last published a short story. Nonetheless, no better promotion for a writer.

"Prostate" inches toward publication as a softcover. The PDF should be finished by tomorrow and, hopefully, the back cover and spine by Tuesday. Possibly a dummy copy will be in our hands by week's end.

On the running front, my knee has been tender since early July. I've still been going out 3x a week, but taking it easy. Yesterday, I put in 3 miles, but failed to arise early and suffered from the late summer heat. Slow on the running front, but speeding across the literary veldt like a cheetah on the keyboard.

Saturday, August 10, 2019

Griffith Park Luau 5k: Thoughts, Insights, Ruminations


Back with yet one more huge 5k medal.
I loath 5ks that allow strollers and dogs. Especially when the women pushing the strollers are faster than I. Also, it's not a grand idea to run 3.1 miles along Griffith Park bridal trails on a Saturday morning, which is a peak usage period. People training for marathons and sundry other races bolt through the pack and around the runners with dogs stopping to talk to non-runners with dogs. For the second 5k in a row, I felt a slight lactic acid buildup at the start, followed by fatigue, and the desire to quit and walk the race. Fortunately, such thoughts, if unentertained, turn listless and meander off.

On the upside, this was home ground. I often train on these very trails during the week when no one is about. On mile three, I was passed by a woman pushing a stroller and talking on the phone. This was too much. But I knew something she didn't. The final .1 mile featured very loose soil. Tricky for runners, especially those pushing wheeled conveyances. I passed her in the home stretch. But she found a patch of solid ground and came on strong. I gave it the gas and almost reinjured my knee, but extended myself enough to keep from being picked off at the finish line.

Thanks to this woman and child, I achieved my modest running goal for the race. (Sub 36 minutes, if you must know.)

Oh, Chi

Back in May, I noted different features of Chi Running. Today, I did quite well staying with cadence and leaning forward. But I lacked a speed burst. When stroller woman kicked, I fell out of chi running form and tried to race old school. This resulted in a tortured hybrid style that inflicted a sharp knee pain—the signal that I'm doing something wrong. This week I'll mark out 200 meters or so and practice sudden accelerations. In case I encounter more strollers.

Hallow Mass Volume II Outline  

Sloppy, scattered, but underway. I need to set solid deadlines if I hope to publish by Christmas of this fine year. I reread the original and was pleasantly surprised it didn't offend me with as many errors and poor writing as I'd feared. But onwards to December. 

Saturday, July 27, 2019

Running and Prostate

Maximum Performance
A lonely ebook seeking softcover company. 

Both are doing well, thank you. Ran 4.4 miles today in new Brooks trainers. (Maybe not so new. I've had them 11 years, ever since injuring my knee.) Reading old 2008 posts, I was quite an optimist. Even with a known tendency to push myself and get injured, I always recovered eventually. The idea that my marathon days were a memory only registered very slowly.

And finished those days may be. But I'm game for one more go. After all, this time I have a book to write. Speaking of which, another marathon possibility might be my old target of the California International Marathon.

On the subject of books, I advance at a glacial pace in formatting my prostate ebook for softcover. Niggling details of a fraction here added to a fraction there. Such exacting trivia. I'm considering adding artwork, but if it looks like too much effort, I'll put it off for another edition. 

Monday, July 15, 2019

A Marathon for Me?


What's happened since July 4? Steady progress and early morning runs to beat the heat as I continue my plan of running a monthly 5k. In addition to augmenting a considerable technical tee-shirt collection, the races keep me focused and motivated to pick up the pace a bit on my 3x a week training runs. Coming up in August: the Luau 5k in Griffith Park.

Was a Marathon Mentioned in the Post Head?

 

Yes, good catch. I have set a goal: to RUN a marathon. Not soon. Not in 2019. Possibly in 2020, or so. But that distance will be target as I intend to chronicle my running comeback with a book detailing the decade of injuries, operations and dashed hopes that upended my dream of completing the Boston Marathon. The attempt to once more cover 26.2 miles—locally—will be the scaffolding upon which I construct a tale of defeat and . . .? Time, effort and a bit of luck will write the ending.

Who Are the Fine Contenders? 

Van Garner suggested I shoot for the all-downhill Ventura Marathon. A solid choice. Another selection might be the Surfers Point Marathon, a flat ocean-front course. In fact, my wife shall be joining me this November for a 5k along a portion of said marathon. Courses fast and flat or all downhill lack terrain variety and can stress your leg muscles through repitition. But I wont' be breaking any records. To finish an upcoming marathon, is to wear victory laurels—from a writing standpoint.

Hopefully, I don't end up like Pheidippides.


Thursday, July 04, 2019

Santa Clarita 5k 2019


Back home and safe in time for the earth to move beneath my feet.


(Wow. Hot little earthquake just rocked the house as I sat down to write this. On it shook. But everyone is okay and the Internet didn't cut out.)

Back up in the foothills once again for a 5k. Super running weather: overcast with temperature in the mid-60s. I've run this race in 2007 and 2010. As you may note from the picture to your left, Santa Clarita has succumbed to the giant 5k medal bug.

No goodie bag, but a nice technical shirt.

I slept poorly last night, hated getting up early, and almost walked the whole thing, but I stuck it out for a 36:57 finish. That's seven minutes off from my January 5k.

Like '10, there are no more mile markers. Many people now run with phones in hand, listening to apps like Runtastic. Not me. I focused on my goal: finishing before anyone with portable oxygen.

Glad I went and did what I did. Happy July 4th! The grand experiment continues!

UPDATE:

My official finishing time and pace.

Sunday, June 30, 2019

Raise My Ranking During Hot Smashwords Sale

open culture.com

Raise it! Raise it high in the rankings, I say. For here is a reading bonanza awaiting you in the sultry month of July. I'll let ebook seller Smashwords explain more about their 11th Annual Summer/Winter Sale:

Are There Discounts of Some Kind?

"For the month of July only, thousands of Smashwords authors and publishers will provide readers deep discounts on ebooks. Discount include 25%-off, 50%-off, 75&-off and FREE. 

Explain More in Your Curious Way

At one minute past midnight Pacific time on July 1, the special Smashwords Summer/Winter Sale catalog goes live on the Smashwords home page. Readers can browse the catalog and search by coupon code levels [Indicating discount amount] and categories. After 11:59pm Pacific time on July 31, the catalog disappears. 

And Then?

The coupon codes are exclusive to Smashwords and will not affect prices at other retailers. There’s no need to remember coupon codes. Readers will receive the discount automatically by adding [a} book to their cart.”

Might I Suggest?

But don’t just add any book. Starting tomorrow through July, might I implore you to add one of mine? Yes, a plug, a pitch, a request, but, then, to do less would be to betray this very blog page as well as Smashwords noble summer sale.

I won’t do that. So stock up on your summer reading starting tomorrow. And read well this month. I’ll say no more on the subject. 

unsplash.com

Sunday, June 16, 2019

Running, Writing, Vital Jake Plug

In Motion

Running consistently the last few months. My weight slowly trends down. With a 5k race approaching in three weeks, I'd like to work in some speed—a relative term when you're fat and slow.

No Story Like a Short Story

I'm hurrying along to finish another tale with a June 30 deadline.
T.L. Schreffler
Cohesion Press craves stories combining military and horror with an emphasis on last stands. I just so happened to have an unsubmitted story from last year that can be arranged to meet said criteria. Plus, I'm employing a new proof reader, which has forced me to advance my deadline. But we're talking upscale problems. 

"Prostate" eBook Selling Well

Very consistent sales, with a few purchases in the UK, Canada, and Australia. I welcome my English-speaking brothers in prostate cancer—and assorted side effects. I'm told this is Men's Health Month, a period dedicated to heightening the "awareness of preventable health problems and encourage early detection and treatment of disease among men and boys."

Back to Golf

In keeping with the spirit of the month, author Janet Farrar Worthington has been kind enough to excerpt part of my post-op cancer story on her VitalJake blog. Janet is a tireless booster of men's health in general and prostate cancer in particular. She's been a proponent of my book and I'm grateful for her promotion. 

With all the above in mind, I'm announcing the softcover version of They Took My Prostate: Cancer-Loss-Hope will be available August 9. I'll put up a pre-order page on Amazon for those who'd like to gift a guy facing this particular challenge. 

And a pleasant Sunday to all. 


Friday, May 31, 2019

jpmacauthor.com is now LIVE!



Denver Post

Yes, This Was My First Rodeo

I'd thrown my saddle over the concession stand was kicking popcorn everywhere, convinced I was riding a web-building bronc. But for all my hacks and woes, the website is finally up and visible under its proper—may I add 'noble?'—name: jpmacauthor.com

Oh, sweet, merciful heavens. I came so near to quitting, scrubbing everything, sitting in sullen self-pity for weeks on end, cursing the unfairness of life and novice web-building.

 Word Press Lessons Learned


And not just Word Press, but Bluehost, Elementor and Namecheap. Essentially, I build my website backwards. First, here is a construction plan that seems proper in hindsight:

Obtain domain name. (Namecheap)
Choose hosting service. (Bluehost)
Select software (Word Press)
Add drag-n-drop page builder plugin (Elementor)

Namecheap assigns you Domain Name Servers. They must be changed and pointed to your hosting service. I didn't know this because I fell out of contact with Namecheap when I changed my hacked email before assigning a new email to Namecheap. 

Pinterest
(As a side note, there is a reason Robert Mueller found no Russian collusion. That is because he did not investigate Namecheap. In order to enter my control panel and change the DNS over to Bluehost, I had to spend over an hour in web chats and on the phone with Russians. Alexander and Olga were nice. Marisha had a world-weary attitude and sketchy English.)

The Short Version

Once your domain name is pointed at Bluehost—or whoever you use—then pick a template, change the settings in Word Press, toss up a site maintenance page, and build your website at leisure. When you're ready to go live, take down maintenance and present the world with your calling card.

I've lived this for two months and still have a yard-long list of tasks to finish. But I'm a wiser web-builder than I was on April 1. More importantly, I kept writing throughout, thereby saving myself from total, no-shower, eat-at-your-desk obsession. 

More soon on this web-building business. It might be nice to have some new books to add. There's a thought. 


Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Monday, May 20, 2019

Long Term Troubles Loom for Kids and Cell Phones

Disconnected: How To Reconnect Our Digitally Distracted KidsDisconnected: How To Reconnect Our Digitally Distracted Kids by Thomas Kersting
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

A short and sweet book, almost a long pamphlet, detailing the dangers kids face from extensive time on the Web. (Adults, too.) And while Nicholas Carr covered this topic a decade ago, there is new research showing a spike in the amount of time youngsters spend interacting online. As Carr pointed out in The Shallows, excessive screen time erodes focus, increases anxiety, and leads to social retardation. Ten years later, the situation is much worse. But there is hope.

Fascinating read, particularly if you have kids.


View all my reviews

Thursday, May 16, 2019

Scott Captures Pacific Brutality

Rampage: MacArthur, Yamashita, and the Battle of ManilaRampage: MacArthur, Yamashita, and the Battle of Manila by James M. Scott
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

With its emphasis on atrocities, the book examines the butchery committed by Japanese troops against the Filipino population of Manila during the fighting there in February 1945. Brutal as the SS in Poland, the deliberate murder and rape of civilians is augmented by the haphazard rain of artillery fire employed by the attacking Americans. Survival in certain neighborhoods was problematic and whole families up to several generations were annihilated.

Decisions by commanding generals MacArthur and Yamashita are examined, with the book closing on War Crimes trials held in Manila only months after the war ended, with Japanese mines still being detonated by the unwary.

Well-written and fast-moving, Scott explores a little-known aspect of the fighting in the Pacific; an atrocity worth recalling the next time someone cries, 'Hiroshima.'

View all my reviews

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Word Press Website and Elementor


 Part of my big plans from the other day may now be revealed: I'm almost finished building a Word Press website. Since I know nothing about tech beyond point-and-click, this task has been a vexing, interminable ordeal. I've already been hacked and had something unpleasant placed into my code, though this could be two separate intrusions.
(Most of my best bitching is on my Facebook author page. Scroll down past time-wasting videos.) Within a few days, I'll alert you to the launch of my bare bones site, no blog or email honey trap to build a big list, no shiny affiliate links. Just BUY THESE BOOKS!!

Upsell Jungle


That's Word Press "free" software for you. One upsell after the other. Since I have no idea whether I need this or that plugin, I fritter away hours checking everything out. I'll be grateful just to launch the freaking site and be shed of it for a time.

Website Ingredients

Here are the fixings:

Namecheap for my domain name--jpmacauthor.com (I'm still on a proxy site, finishing up the last touches.(

Bluehost for hosting. I tried HostGator and spent over an hour on the phone attempting one hack after another to get the thing installed. Finally, I learned that Safari isn't compatible with HostGator. That might've been helpful to know in advance.

Also, Safari is not 100% compatible with Bluehost. To access my control panel, I have to switch browsers to Firefox. Charming.

Word Press which you can sign-up for from Bluehost.

Elementor, a drag-'n-drop page builder. Upsell masters.

Submitting Short Stories Like It's 2009


If you want a cure for writer's block, build a website. You'll be so grateful to return to a discipline in which you have knowledge and experience and are not perpetually confounded with one step forward, eight steps sideways, and one hop in the air.

I've sent a short story off to Harbinger Press for an upcoming anthology and fired off a second tale today to a new fantasy/speculative fiction site.

Finally, I feel good about something.

More soon on my big running plans.

(Image: Power Addicts)

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Top 5 Odd Videos

Something new from Cornerstone Media via Lumen 5 and Pexels.

They aren't full-videos. Simply the titles of videos I believe are odd. Times change quickly, and I could be proved wrong. 

Sunday, May 12, 2019

Big Plans, I Tell Ya

Zafar

Coming soon. Big writing plans. Big running plans. Big website plans. Big. Stinking big. 

Tuesday, May 07, 2019

Friday, May 03, 2019

Conrad Not Pleased with Nostromo

NostromoNostromo by Joseph Conrad
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Upon completion of Nostromo, Joseph Conrad told a friend, "Personally, I am not satisfied. It is something—but not the thing I tried for."

Conrad's "something"contains numerous characters, great and small, set in a violence-racked, fictitious South American country. As Costaguana's resources are tapped by American and European investors, resentment, greed, and betrayal roil the nation and spawn yet another revolution. Wealth is sought, gained, lost and hidden, always with a price.

Conrad jumps about in the time line, changing points-of-view, foreshadowing, advancing the story, then later filling in details. For substantial periods, I was left guessing as to which details really mattered and which character backstories would pay off. However, the last fifty pages raced along, indicating that, perhaps, other narrative sections might've been equally condensed.

As a note, I would avoid the Brent Hayes Edwards edition, since the introduction seems designed for people returning for their third helping of Nostromo and is a nest of spoilers.

Uneven, but fascinating book.


View all my reviews

Wednesday, May 01, 2019

Notes on Running Form

This man zips along on an uncrowded  track courtesy of Men's Journal. 

Mild sunny weather as I shambled along for three miles, running the last one. Clearly, my training issues go beyond weight. I need to strengthen my core. This is a running truism, but far more important with Chi Running, where your core strength determines distance and speed.

A Contrast of Running Forms

Note the man in the image above. See how his leg is thrust before him. He will impact ankle-knee-hip each time he lands and toes back for the next step. This is how I ran for many years. This is why I wore a hole in the cartridge of my left knee.

Here is an illustration comparing "normal" running with Chi Running. Because one propels oneself by leaning forward, the body is aligned and the feet land under or behind the runner.

Chi Running diagram from Running Moments. 

For several years, I was so thrilled to run again using Chi techniques, that  I was content with my 3x a week sessions at between 3 and 5 miles. For that, I didn't need a solid core. But if I'd like to tackle distance one more time, I'll need to invest in crunching, planking and others exercises I avoid in general.

Chi Running does not comes naturally to me. It's like trying to breath through your ears. But I'd rather run with difficulty, than not at all. And I've got a built-in warning system. If I slip into running the old way, my knee sends me a pain text.

Returning home today, quiet and serene, I heard a woman on our street erupt into several minutes of coarse profanity, cursing out another driver. I served four years in the Marines and this woman was no newbie. And using two languages, mind you.

Could other issues have been in play? That is a matter for religion or psychology. Were I younger, I would've videoed everything and uploaded it to Instagram. But no. In any case, I remained serene.


Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Sunday, April 21, 2019

A Most Happy Easter!

Ocean Lakes Campground
Some poor old guy keeled over in Mass this morning. Fortunately, my church is predominately Filipino. Thus, from the congregation, about 35 nurses rushed forward to help. The Fire Department arrived quickly and carted the old guy out. No word on his condition, but my second favorite place to die, other than home in my sleep, would be church.

Met with a host of old Team in Training chums at the Rose Bowl yesterday to celebrate Virginia Garner's 20th anniversary on the drug Gleevac. Facing death from cancer in 1999, she took a chance on an experimental drug. A generation later, Virginia lives to help raise money to fight leukemia, lymphoma, and assorted other Grim Reaper blood cancers. Her amazing story, and that of husband Van, is chronicled in their book: Journey to the Finish Line: Surviving Cancer Together.

I mentioned to the group (SGV marathon team) that I felt one more marathon resting within me. This was because I had a great running book idea that needed the happy ending of a marathon. (Finishing time of no consequence.) Ideas sprang forth including the LA Marathon and one I'd never heard of: the Ventura Marathon, said to be a net downhill and a big Boston Marathon qualifier.

Ventura is in October, but I doubt I'd be ready by then. I'll need to decide soon since marathons tend to fill quickly these days. (Except LA, where they were offering discounts in February.)

Exciting to even contemplate. More soon on this momentous decision.

Friday, April 19, 2019

Hacked!

Ugh. Monstrous. Infected. Unclean. An email account and Twitter soiled. Writing on hold as I unclog the mess. Wearying.

Friday, March 29, 2019

Chi Running Once More


Social Control
After ten months of letting my right leg heal, sloth, eating, excuses, and overall fatigue, I'm back on the road. I can shuffle along, running one mile out of three. Truthfully, I walk faster than I run at this stage, but it's good to be mobile thrice a week. (I weigh an embarrassing amount.)

Writing a number of short stories as if it were 2009/2010. Three completed with beta reads, two more outlined, and writing the fourth. I'll send them out to publications as I unscrew my disordered marketing. Amazing. Nobody can find anything I write because I position my work so poorly.

This is changing now.




Monday, March 04, 2019

Screams From My Father Lots of Fun


Screams From My FatherScreams From My Father by Paul Gleeson
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Funny noirsh tales make up this collection from back-in-the-day. A most rapid read, running the gamut from ironic to hilarious.


View all my reviews

Thursday, February 07, 2019

Scrivener Hacks for Macs

MyYouTube playlist for Mac users. Very basic novice stuff, for I, too, am a Scrivener neophyte. Hope it helps in ways grand and petite.

Sunday, January 20, 2019

Pasadena Half-Marathon and 5k 2019


5k runners awaiting the gun. To the lower right are TNTvets Virginia Garner, David Hall, and the top of Esther's head. 

On good authority, Conquer Endurance Group held a half-marathon along with a 5k this crisp Sunday morning. My place was in the 5k, shivering with everyone else. As many know from my 13 + years of blogging, the Rose Bowl is my home turf, scene of much training, and now hosting an actual 3.1 mile event, finishing on the 50-yard line of the venerable stadium.

Early morning at the venerable stadium.


Back in October, I challenged myself to run this race as a motivation to lose weight. In that, I failed.  Backtracking briefly, last June, at this very same Rose Bowl, I injured my leg climbing over a construction fence. That threw off my training, led to weight gain, and the reduction of exercise to walking along thinking of better days.

Enough self-pity. I woke up and thought of reasons not to participate, but went anyway. Stuck in traffic for 25 minutes, I didn't panic, recalling worse jams at the Surf City Half-Marathon. There, I was stuck in my car for over an hour, needed a bathroom desperately, and missed the starting gun. Rushing across the start line, I failed to adequately warm up and wound up injured.

Sunrise over the arroyo. 

Today, I walked like I trained, only pushed it a little, and didn't really run until the finish line was in sight so as not to be picked off by a short round woman who was really tearing it up.

Ending inside the Rose Bowl was quite cool. There were ample bananas and bagels, Gator-Ade and bottled water. Very sweet bling and a decent technical shirt contributed to the morning's success.

In my age group, there were only twelve men. I finished at #6. Not bad at all, given my erratic training.



I should sign up for a spring 5k, just to keep in the game. Be a little more consistent with my preparation. But no injuries today made it an event worth getting out of bed for on a Sunday morning, other than an earthquake.

Me and my big fat medal.

Friday, January 11, 2019

Saturday, January 05, 2019

I Reject You

mollyfletcher



Each year I vow to tidy up all the paper surrounding me. Each time, I make some progress then stop because tomorrow remains the superior day to sort paperwork. Anyway, I found a bag filled with story rejections from 1985 to 1988. Those years encompass my undergraduate days and shortly thereafter. Incredible. A pecking order of refusal existed back then.



1. Form rejection.
2. Form rejection signed by the editor.
3. Form rejection signed by the editor with a personal note.

Titles included Grue Magazine, The Horror show, and FACET, A Creative Writing Magazine. My submission sampler displayed progress from 1 rejections to 3, but never a sale. The amount of paperwork involved was daunting with multiple envelopes and postcards. (I should do a video on all that.) One time, a single rejection lead to two. 

Today, sites such as Duotrope list publishers, markets, and all manner of writerly statistics. Below are my short story submissions from 2009 to 2016. So many markets have gone the way of Grue Magazine, but more open all the time. A few keystrokes launches a tale, instead of envelopes within envelopes. But stories shall be told, and writers write, and editors reject—and sometimes accept. So it goes.

Should you cringe at rejection's bitter sting, speaker and author Molly Fletcher notes the upside.





Monday, December 31, 2018

A Fine Blessed New Year

Coming soon to a calendar near you!
Drink for you and bed for me,
Forgoing delights of the spree,
For when I've drunk and 
Shunned my bed,
The new year starts,
With a painful head.

A droll poem, yes, but fresh chances await us all. Happy New Year!




Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Rape Gangs Flourish When Authorities Hide


Broken and Betrayed: The true story of the Rotherham abuse scandal by the woman who fought to expose itBroken and Betrayed: The true story of the Rotherham abuse scandal by the woman who fought to expose it by Jayne Senior
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Grooming often works in the following manner: a young man, a lure, befriends an 11 to 16 year old girl. Winning her trust, he then introduces her to an "older friend," usually a guy in his mid-20s. This older friend plies the young girl with gifts, car rides, compliments, attention, drugs, alcohol. He becomes her "older boyfriend." Eventually, he introduces her to sex. Next, the boyfriend manipulates the young girl into having sex with one of his friends. Eventually, the girl finds herself gang-raped, passed around, trafficked, kidnapped, beaten, degraded. She is threatened with physical violence should she refuse to play along. Her family may also be threatened.

Grooming was the fate of 1,400 girls in Rotherham, UK, between 1997 and 2013. Author Jayne Senior worked for a local program designed to identify girls at-risk for sexual exploitation. She witnessed the mass grooming of mostly working-class white girls by British Pakistani Muslim men. Police and social worker indifference and denial contributed to a rape crisis that has been called "industrial scale."

The story of Senior's fight to protect the girls, alert a willfully obtuse police and social worker bureaucracy, bring perpetrators to justice, all while suffering loss in her own family, is a story both hopeful and galling. Senior's battle shows the difference one committed person can make. However, the grooming toll of white English victims (along with Sikh and Hindu girls) continues at the hands of mostly Pakistani perpetrators. Since Rotherham, similar rape gangs have been discovered in Newcastle, Oxford, Telford, Rochdale, Darby. A situation most appalling.

A fast, somber read.

View all my reviews

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Merry Christmas 2018!

Animaniacs Episode 49

 I remember when we previewed the above episode for Steven Spielberg. He liked it, and joked we'd have to animate a Jewish holiday. I suggested Simchat Torah, but didn't get a laugh. That might sum up my relation with the great director. People often ask if I knew Steven Spielberg. My answer is generally, 'Yes, the way you know a car-parker at a favorite restaurant.'

None the less, a Merry Christmas to all. Presents are nice, but loved ones are your greatest gift. Be a gift to them.

Important Sales Note

This is the one.
 For the next several days, you might consider an ebook of Fifty Shades of Zane Grey for less than a dollar. (That's market-speak for .99.) Lampooning one of the most popular novels in history, my book thrills you with gunfights, romance, one-armed doctors and all PG rated.

What Do Important Notable People Say About This Book?

Andrea Romano enjoyed Fifty Shades of Zane Grey, but I haven't got an official quote from her just yet. Nevertheless, this book is guaranteed funnier than my Simchat Torah quip of 25 years ago. Not a high bar, yes, you have me there, but don't you owe yourself a chuckle for under a dollar? Act now! I would, but I wrote the book and thus am prevented from acting now.

Saturday, December 22, 2018

eStocking Stuffers That Will CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE PERHAPS!!


Your JP Mac stocking stuffers may be found at Amazon. (Most people want the Merry Christmas mug.)

Fun Fast Holiday Reads!

Pardon the click-baity head. I've been spending too much time online. But not all ethings are wasteful and vain. Note the above ebooks. One tells the tale of a man's battle with cancer and a confusing medical system, while the other chronicles a man's struggle to decide justice in an annoying criminal case.  Both are written in a humorous vein, making sport of the darker elements of our existence. 

Pleasing eBooks!

These non-fiction stories are low-cost, high quality and just right for a last minute present. Purchase them together. (A $4.00 value.) There is no discount for doing so, but don't be bullied by the loss leader of others. Do it because you have purchasing power! Whatever you decide, happy holidays to you, and to you, a Merry Christmas as well. 

Sunday, December 16, 2018

Paul Rugg and I are Hired at Warner Bros. v.2



And I Have the Memories to Prove It

Today, December 16, marked 27 years since Paul Rugg and I were offered jobs at Warner Brothers TV Animation. We were over at Paul's house watching Zontar: Thing From Venus, drinking coffee, eating chocolate donuts, and smoking. We'd just turned in scripts for some new show called Animaniacs. (Mine was "Draculee, Draculaa.") Paul's wife was off earning money as a social worker, while my future wife was still employed at the magazine I'd quit two months earlier. Rugg and I were performing improv and sketch comedy at the Acme Comedy Theatre. (Along with cast member Adam Carolla.) Money was very tight. The payment for one script would really help out my Christmas. 

Then Kathy Page, Tom Ruegger's assistant, called to offer us staff jobs and the trajectory of our lives veered sharply into an unexplored cosmos.

We were amazed, stunned, numb. Walking outside, we smoked more and talked it over. Should we take the jobs or would they pollute our comedy pureness by turning it commercial? We would accept the work immediately. 

Now it all seems opaque. If it weren't for the Web and talking to Paul Rugg yesterday, I'd swear the whole experience never happened. But I'm glad it did. (Paul, too.)  So thanks to Tom and Sherri Stoner. (And her husband, M.D. Sweeney, our Acme director, who recommended us.)


Note: After thirteen years of blogging, I'm running out of life events to chronicle.

Wednesday, December 05, 2018

Famous People Born on My Birthday v.5

What is different today from last year? I'm much fatter, that's for sure. Also, I published the prostate book and deem it worthy of reading for just about anyone with a firm grasp on the English language, but especially men facing prostate cancer.

I may spend the rest of the day "Liking" bday greetings on Facebook. But it's better to be Happy Birthdayed on Facebook than not.






Thank you very much to all who have, so far, wished me Happy Birthday. In thinking of this day, I am reminded of several famous Americans who share my date of birth. I will list three and examine their accomplishments as compared to mine.

1. Martin Van Buren - b. Dec. 5, 1782

2. George Armstrong Custer - b. Dec. 5, 1839

3. Walt Disney - b. Dec. 5, 1901

4. John P. McCann - b. Dec. 5, 1952

1. Martin Van Buren succeeded greatly in becoming the 8th President of the United States but was hardly remembered even in his own day. He had a large bull frog stuffed and used as an ink well in the White House. However President Taft later sat on it by accident and they had to throw the thing out. That's about it.

2. George Armstrong Custer succeeded greatly as a soldier in the Civil War but had a mixed record fighting Indians. (1-1-2, I think.) He is best remembered for his  spectacular fail at the Battle of the  Little Big Horn. At first, everything was going well; then it all fell apart under an Indian tsunami. In later years, Custer had a park named after him as well as a monument and a movie where his part was played by Errol Flynn. That's a whole lot more than Van Buren ever got.

3. Walt Disney succeeded greatly in animation, a pioneer in the field, creator of iconic characters—but not the word 'iconic' which has been seized upon by junior execs.—established Disney studios and Disneyland and is fondly remembered to this day. Nonetheless his body is frozen in a vault beneath Disney's Burbank lot and should Walt be reanimated and start making decisions again it could effect his legacy.

4. John P. McCann was greatly successful as a Hollywood atmosphere player. McCann was the ship-board stand-in for a Canadian actor portraying Errol Flynn in My Wicked, Wicked Ways. In addition, he is visible catching Dennis Quaid's jacket at around 1:19 in a clip from  Great Balls of Fire.
More successful in animation, McCann created the non-iconic character of The Huntsman. For the next fifteen years, he piggy-backed onto as many successful shows as his friends would allow. While the record is still being written, outsiders agree that McCann will be remembered by Bank of America and several other creditors who might reasonably feel aggrieved should he pass from the scene within the next several months.

Images: whitehouse.gov, Parcbench, fold3

Thursday, November 22, 2018

T-Day Wishes and Football Again


Happy Thanksgiving!

"I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder." — G.K. Chesterton


Lo! An article written for a website five years ago. Publication was cancelled, a kill-fee paid, and the light of day for said article shone on my very own blog.

motarcitytimes.com
My Midwestern family had two Thanksgiving traditions. One involved placing a pot of boiled cranberries outside to chill. The second tradition revolved around watching football . . . or at least having the game on in the background while cards were played, the Almighty invoked, drumsticks munched, and arguments rekindled. As the 2013 holiday season arrives, let’s quickly examine how a day of feasting and gratitude hooked up with a robust game of inches.
Professional football on Thanksgiving started in the 1890s. From then into the first half of the 20th Century, teams such as the Canton Bulldogs and Massillon Tigers clashed with their leather helmets, no facemasks and few rules.  And while various teams in various cities continued Thanksgiving play, it wasn’t until 1934 that T-Day football as currently recognized formed thanks to G.A. Richards.
Mr. Richards had recently purchased an NFL team, the Portsmouth (Ohio) Spartans. He moved them to Detroit and rechristened his team the Lions. But the baseball Tigers were the Motor City darlings. Wanting to start a buzz, Richards scheduled a Thanksgiving Day contest with the undefeated Chicago Bears. As it turned out, the Lions had an excellent 10 – 1 squad primed to meet the 11 – 0 Monsters of the Midway. Tickets sold out two weeks prior to the clash. The Lions lost 19 – 16 but a tradition was born. Except for six years from 1939 – 1944, the Lions have played on every Thanksgiving.
But it would take another 22 years for Detroit’s T-Day tussle to go national. In 1956, the first Thanksgiving Day game was televised as the Lions dropped a close one at the wire to the Green Bay Packers, 24 – 20. What we now assume normal was born: televised pro football on Turkey Day.
Our last contemporary puzzle piece took another decade to drop into place. In 1966, the Dallas Cowboys commenced their run as the second T-Day game. For the last 47 years, with only two exceptions, the Cowboys and Lions have played on Thanksgiving Day. Starting in 2006, the NFL added a night contest featuring two at-large teams. Now tryptophan-filled football junkies can have their fill in several ways.
But let’s close with the American tradition of do-it-yourself. On Thanksgiving, in backyards and parks all across the country, ad hoc Turkey Bowl games will be underway. Touch or tackle, these contests pit family and friends against one another for bragging rights or just a way to let off holiday steam. And while such games are legion, let me single out one such Turkey Bowl from my old hometown. Now in its 14th year, the Indo-Jew Bowl takes place every Thanksgiving at a different park in Skokie, Illinois. Old high school classmates of Jewish descent line up for nine-man tackle against their sub-continent rivals. Last year saw the Jews roll to a 41 to 27 victory. But the Indos are hot for payback come November 28.
So whether you put your cranberries outside to cool or not; play, watch, or listen to football, have a most Happy Thanksgiving.

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Great War Notes


Mr. Wiggin's History Class

World War I was ghastly. The casualties were said to run at "[s]even thousand two hundred deaths a day, 300 an hour, five a minute; for more than four and a half years.” 

In other words, American dead in the Afghan/Iraq Wars over the course of the last 17 years equaled the slain of a single day in World War I.

In the years following the armistice of November 11, 1918, the event was known as The Great War or The War to End All Wars. These titles survived until an even greater conflict broke out 21 years later. (At least in Europe. World War II in the Pacific had been raging since the Japanese attacked the Chinese in 1937.)

The League of Nations was established in 1919 to provide a forum for international cooperation in the hopes of heading off any more Great Wars. Not only did it fail to stop World War II, but the league continued to exist, like any good bureaucracy, long after its purpose expired. The League of Nations dissolved in 1946.

Was the war fought to protect democracy?

Not according to George, a World War One veteran I worked with in my teenage years. George took part in raids across No Man's Land armed with a shotgun and a trench shovel. He claimed to be fighting for Luger pistols and highly-prized German wrist watches. George was built like a bull gnome with powerful arms and shoulders, even at his advanced age. Nothing in George's robust personality led me to doubt his stories.


Was the war fought to obtain a military discharge?

This idiosyncratic view was held by Jesse, a small wiry Great War veteran who shared the same Hollywood apartment building as I back during the first Reagan administration. A member of the 4th Infantry Division, Jesse would  head off to reunions with his fellow dough boys, most in their 80s. Such memories of the war as he shared revolved around the indescribable joy of receiving his army discharge. A group of us were drinking heavily in my apartment one night. We decided to go upstairs,  visit Jesse, and serenade him with all the World War One songs we knew. Our catalog consisted of the first two verses of "Over There." Jesse took it well.

Friday, October 26, 2018

Billings the Robot . . . from California!!

Pulp-O-Mizer

Coming this spring 2019! A tale at the intersection of science and politics!

Does Artificial Intelligence mean war, or something far more different?

Who are the Sea Homeless?

What becomes of the Golden State after CalExit?

Is it possible for a new nation to be run by drug cartels and the California Pension Fund?

Learn the answers to these questions and more. Soon available in ebook and thrilling softcover!

BILLINGS THE ROBOT . . . FROM CALIFORNIA!!

Alone with my Girth


Attending a story conference with myself.
Not really alone. My wife comes home from work in the evenings. But mostly I'm alone with a draft of another novel and a short story I will finish up and send out in the next two weeks.

And food.

There lies the trouble.

My weight has ballooned. The State of California insists I apply for a separate Zip Code. Nothing I own fits me anymore. I wear a lot of canvas tarps.

But I have challenged me to run a 5k in January.

And so, once again, I begin training for a race. This will be my first 5k since 2016, when I thought I was very overweight.

I knew zip back then.

But I'm making progress.


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'Twas suggested I post a few episodes of my work in a pleasant spot. I've chosen here. Sadly, not everything I've written has y...