Les Grossman Meet Hans Gruber

 

Funny or Die ponders the outcome of negotiations between Tropic Thunder's profanity-rich studio boss and the creepy terrorist from the first Die Hard. 

Funny or Die

Lockdowns Rock!!

Comic Ryan Long and company examine the inert lifestyle.

Ryan Long

Book Review: Kill Zone

 

Kill Zone by Damir Salkovic
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A dystopian feast, Salkovic's world mixes the techno jargon of William Gibson's cyberpunk with the surreal blend of entertainment and violence found in books such as The Running Man and The Hunger Games.

When the system upends Frank Clayton's life, he signs up to appear in a brutal reality show where survival and ratings closely intertwine. But a series of events points Clayton down a road to revenge against the indifferent corporate forces that destroyed his family.

Salkovic excels at description. He handles action well. However at several points the pacing seemed slowed by both action and description, braking the story's forward motion. Nevertheless, for the most part, the narrative moves rapidly, immersing the reader in one man's struggle for justice in a savage dog-eat-dog world.

An excellent pick for lovers of the dystopian genre as well as military sci-fi.

View all my reviews

Paul Rugg Explains the Art of Puppetry

In under a minutes, Jim Henson puppeteer Paul Rugg unveils the secrets of his craft. 

Paul Rugg's Froynlaven

Mental Toughness Practical Applications

 

bobandrosemary.com

If I lost anything since the twin deaths of animation writing and marathon running, it was a certain hardy mental attitude. When combined with chasing little dopamine hits on the Internet, the decay has proved devastating. Over the last thirteen years, my unfinished writing projects have multiplied while my weight has ballooned. At one point I went over a year writing folders of prose without completing so much as a short story. During the same period, my weight topped out at 271 lbs with a svelte 48" waist. 

Mental toughness was easy to see in exercise. Pain and discomfort are present. To push past them requires effort. I would allow myself to quit after five seconds of such effort. I usually lasted longer. Gradually, I acclimated to stressing myself. Pushing hard on certain workouts became the norm. The payoff was on race days.

In writing, mental toughness exhibits itself every day in a series of little nos. No to checking email, or social media, or watching one short YouTube skateboard fail. No to stopping early or quitting a project to begin a new one or hating everything you've written. Perhaps no is not the word. Perhaps its the phrase "maybe later."

As in exercise, the ability to apply the phrase can be built gradually. "Let me write one more sentence." "I'll first reach the end of the chapter." "This isn't too bad. I'll keep going a little longer."

Sadly the Internet trims your attention span and flushes out new knowledge with newer knowledge or, worse, trivia, ensuring that nothing stays in your head long enough to become wisdom. As I train for a 5k in July, I decided to reacquire mental toughness. If in running, then why not in writing?

Here's a book I used to help prepare me mentally for the 2007 Phoenix Marathon. It's so old, there's not even a Kindle version. But I'm returning to its pages for inspiration and techniques to help me grow as a runner and a writer.

Five seconds here, a maybe later there. It adds up like compound interest.

What's the Difference Between Panic-PTSD-and Combat Fatigue?

 

Journey of a Prophetic Feeler

No, it's not the setup for a joke. But writers might want to know the difference. Author Caroline Furlong lays out the markers in an info-packed blog post. Furlong points out how the ignorant often conflate this trio of afflictions. 

How So?

". . . no combat veteran is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. Those improvised devices waiting to explode are warped human beings that have chosen their paths and who are seldom veterans. The popular press/media paints with as broad a pop-psychology pastel brush as possible in this matter so as to demean, depress, and indict all those who have served in the nation's armed forces. Combat Fatigue, meanwhile, is almost entirely ignored, by both authors and the media and their pet psycho-babblers."

Learn more about these distinctions with a difference at Furlong's blog A Song of Joy.

Godzilla vs. King Kong Pitch Meeting

 Courtesy of comic Ryan George over at Screen Rant.  SPOILER ALERT in case you wish to be among the dozens eager to witness this CGI fest. Keep a careful eye out for plot holes.

Happy Easter 2021!

 Early dinner today with my wife and mother-in-law. And a fine sunny day it is, too. 

theskitguys

A Solemn Holy Day

 

Ementra

Antifa Profits Off Mayhem

 Another week, another gem by comic Ryan Long as he smashes the idea known as antifa.

Ryan Long

New Hallow Mass eBook Edition in Pre-Order

frontporch.club

No, the starburst is not the new cover. But it is an arresting image.

Here. This is it.

Abridged, lean, fit and with new cover art that is not a starburst, Hallow Mass.2 rolls out in two weeks—or April 9 if you prefer. This remodel is in preparation for the second volume Hell War, due out this fall. 

Hallow Mass edition two—ebook only— preorder is available via literary aggregator site Draft2Digital at Barnes & Noble Nook, Rakuten Kobo, Apple and more. Additional markets will become available as April 9 approaches.

What about Stinking Amazon? 

The colossus sets its own rules. Should you wish to preorder, as I've done in the past, then you must sign up for their Kindle program. You will then be exclusive to the behemoth for the next ninety days. Good preorder success has been mine in the past, but I'm open to testing new waters. For no other reason that it allows me a small rebellion against Amazon's monopoly stranglehold on books.

That said, the paperback edition and ebook will be out on Amazon come April 9.

New paperback cover; due to launch on Amazon April 9.

What is the Difference Between an Edition and a Volume?

Glad I typed that. Bob B. at Yahoo! Answers crushes the question.

"Some publications cannot be fitted into a single book or journal, so they split it across multiple volumes.

Also, sometimes a given publication is revised/updated and re-published, in which case the re-published version is a "new edition".

You savvy, G.I.?

Should you wish to avoid reading a future promotional blog post, go here for advance knowledge of my next ebook release via Draft2Digital. 

Ryan Long Finds Canceling People is the Best Medicine

Or so some folk think. Trust the science. 

Ryan Long

Greta Thunberg vs. Darth Vadar

It was inevitable. One day they would have to meet.  

Casciari

Prostate Cancer, Real Talk Coming Soon!

 

Punnett's Square

A new podcast centered around prostate cancer treatment and recovery will soon debut. Thanks to Elverage (El) Alen and his wife Shay, the above-named podcast will waft out across the ether quite soon. El and Shay were gracious enough to interview me re. my prostate cancer book with our talk ranging from diagnosis to surgery to post-op complications. A fun time with a couple who understand the difficulties awaiting men facing this disease. (As a note: African-American men are 50% more likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer.) So all guys over 50, get a blood test and check your PSA. (Over 4 means pay attention.)

I'll have a link to the interview and more information up soon on Prostate Cancer, Real Talk.  

Ryan Long Trolls Therapy

 Don't worry about lock-downs and life. You're free of blame!

Ryan Long

Book Review: Furious Hours: Murder, Fraud, and The Last Trial of Harper Lee

 

Furious Hours: Murder, Fraud, and the Last Trial of Harper Lee by Casey Cep
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A man stands accused of murdering a suspected serial killer before over 300 witnesses. His charming attorney often defended the deceased. Now he defends the killer. A famous author is present in the Alabama courtroom, observing the trial. She researches material for a new book. On such a premise rests Casey Cep's non-fiction tale.

Back in the 1960s-70s, the Reverend Willie Maxwell was a big believer in insurance. He took out policies on his wives, relatives, and neighbors. The fast-spending Reverend was also the beneficiary. A gruesome pattern ensued in which the newly insured perished in ways most suspicious while Reverend Maxwell collected the settlements. Attempts to bring him to justice always foundered on the rock of Tom Radney.

A liberal Kennedy-loving lawyer in a Wallace-loving state Radney was a "Casanova of the court room . . . His juries might not have always liked his clients, but they sure liked him." Known as "Big Tom, Radney frequently defended the Reverend Maxwell.

Until the Reverend's death by gunfire at the funeral of one of his victims. At that point Big Tom took up the case of murder suspect Robert Burns.

Divided into three parts, the book focuses on Maxwell, Radney, Harper Lee. Sadly, this fusion of southern justice and the debilitating perfectionism of a famous author blends less well on the page than in the title. The fascinating trial was a short book in itself, with Harper Lee's presence providing an interesting footnote. Without weaving Lee's literary struggles into the trial narrative, her section reads more like a biography than a part of a whole.

Still, the malevolent Reverend and the courtroom antics of Radney are worth the read.

View all my reviews

Comparing a Proofread to a Copy Edit

Amazon

My eyes ache from this task. I published Hallow Mass in 2016. Having since excised around 4K words, I commissioned a new proofread and a copyedit. Typos were still found. Hopefully, this tidy version with hot new cover art will set the stage for Volume 2. I hope to promo soon and release mid-summer. Other than that, life fortunately continues. I'm grateful.

Author JP Mac After Writing All Day

 Sad, but true. After five or six pages, the steel balls are never far from my grasp.

GroupAACSCLW5510

Self-Publishing, Magical Realism, and the Slippery Slope

crownofcompassion

I wanted so little: a new cover for my horror novel, Hallow Mass. But then I needed a page count for the cover artist. That led me to glance over the manuscript and notice several errors. This led to a brief rewrite which, in turn, led to a longer rewrite, which resulted in my cutting over 4k words. 

This, then, led to my sending the manuscript out to a proofreader. In the meantime, I've acquired the new ebook cover from the artist who is holding onto the paperback cover until I present a final page count. In the meantime, I attemptted to format the paperback interior myself. Several days were eaten up as one step forward often led to three steps backwards and one hop to the side.

Great work by the proofreader, but my production manager—also my wife—rarely sees a free moment these days from her technical writing job. Unable to do the task herself, she suggested a copywriter to supply the manuscript with a high-gloss finish. 

So I offered the job on Reedsy to five of their curated editors. So far, one passed and another wanted twice as much as I could afford. Meanwhile, I've contacted a company in Australia for the formatting. Great price, but I need the copywriting completed first, as well as adding ISBNs, before I can receive the final pdfs. 

Bowker, which handles American ISBNs, presents one with an unforgiving interface. I checked a box by mistake, couldn't undo it, and must now call Bowker and seek their help.

My to-do list now looks like a rough draft for the Peace of Westphalia. And all I desired was a new cover.

Next time, I'll desire differently. 

The Church of the Woke

Ryan Long once again as he harvests the low-hanging comedic fruit. Everyone else is so frightened, that Long shares the orchard with no one.

Ryan Long

Death Honk Promotion at Reedsy

Snappy ebook/paperback

 Oh?

Yes. Tomorrow, or as many have taken to calling it, Friday, Feb. 5 @ReedsyDiscovery promotes my collection of nine short stories ranging from crime to the strange and eerie. Stop by Reedsy and view this personally pleasing promotion and avail yourself of a copy or two. More, if you wish, no one will chide you.

Ryan Long Sings His Lock-Down Songs

 Ballads to while away your shut-in hours. 

Ryan Long

New Hallow Mass Cover

Amazon

 How New Is This Cover You Speak Of?

Quite new. For now, I present only the ebook version. But the paperback cover awaits the formatting of a manuscript I like to call Edition Two. 

I've trimmed about 4k words from the 2016 book and think it reads considerably quicker. 

Why Go To All This Trouble?

Excellent point. As of today, I'm writing the second volume of a trilogy. I hope to have it up in ebook and paperback by June. Afterwards, I intend to dash off the third volume. That should see the light of day by Christmas. Ambitious? Well, I'm nothing if not that. 

In any case, I desired a uniform look for the covers. Progress continues. 

Running Once Again

 

dailyencouragement

Back in November, I really hurt my knees. Overtaining and incorrect running form combined to knock me onto the couch for two months. Last week, I was able to slowly run three times. Humbling. And not like I haven't been here before. Naturally, my weight ballooned thanks to a combination of relentless work load and no exercise. 

Lost ground must be recovered gradually or I repeat the whole discouraging process once again. 

USMC and the Yellow Footprints

USMC League

MCRD San Diego Back in the Day

Everything must begin somewhere. And in the United States Marine Corps, my enlisted tour commenced with yellow footprints. Drawn on the asphalt of the recruit depot with heels close together and toes angled out to 45 degrees, they are where I, along with seven other guys from our suburban Chicago neighborhood, stood to begin military service. Then we marched somewhere, boxed up our clothes and mailed them home, coming to the realization that our new life would be different from drinking beer behind a bowling alley.

The Vietnam War was winding down, at least for the United States, though the North Vietnamese would launch a huge attack against South Vietnam toward the end of March as we conducted infantry training at Camp Pendlelton. (In September, now a Private First Class, I would find myself in an Army hospital called Camp Kue on Okinawa, sharing  a ward with American advisors who'd been wounded helping the South Vietnamese forces stop the communists.)

In 1991, I visited the footprints on a vacation to San Diego with my girlfriend. (Now My Fine Wife or MFW.)

In 2002, I stood on a hill in Vietnam called Con Thien with a Vietnamese guide who told me about the obliteration of his village by B52s, bombing the NVA advance.

In 2008, I was back at MCRD finishing up a marathon with Team in Training.

But on a Friday night, January 14, 1972, I stood on yellow footprints. Oh, right before we boxed up our clothes, this happened:
(The following scene is rather accurate, except there's no C&W music. Just buzzzzzzz.)

h/t: amp1776

Note 2020:

On this 48th anniversary of my enlistment, I pay my respects to Tom Poto and Steve Lovell, two of my comrades who are no longer with us. RIP, bros. Hard to believe we were once young together.

Note: 2021

Yikes! 49 years ago; one removed from a half-century. I'll write no more on the subject.
    

The Miskatonic Review Examines "Dagon and Jill"

 What the Deuce Was Said?

A great many things in a very thorough examination of the lead-off short story in my new anthology, Death Honk. So you know, The Miskatonic Review is a site dedicated to "lovecraftian story reviews from the Bibliothecar" (or librarian, if you insist.) My tale involves the business dealings between a sinister warlock from the haunted village of Dunwich, Massachusetts and a naive Los Angeles publisher. 

 The Bibliothecar opens the hood and shows the wiring. My favorite line was:

"I can't say it ["Dagon and Jill"] will be for everyone, as Lovecraftian stories are pretty niche to begin with before approaching Lovecraftian humor . . . ."

(Though the story has brought smiles to non-Lovecraftians.)

Read the whole thing.

Meeting Dagon

MeWe Makes Me Giddy

In a good, wholesome way. (After years working in magazine publishing, I still can't pass on alliteration.) Nevertheless, back in November, I wrote that Facebook sucked. It does. I still have no idea when I'll be able to access my Author Page. Sporadic. Inconsistent. Eternal redirect. 

What Will This Man Do?

It's done. I've opened an account on MeWe. They have Author Pages, too. I messed around for awhile today and it found the experience pleasant. Visit me at my page. Make me a friend or chum or contact. I've yet to learn the MeWe lingo, but would very much like to master same. More t/k in this new Year of Our Lord 2021. 

Tough Guy Israeli Robot

"Dad, I'm being bullied at school."

"Son, your old pop might just have the answer."

My friend Ken sent me this amazing footage. Look for a model soon on Amazon.