O.J. and Sgt. Friday in the Same Room

O.J. back in the day, before Naked Gun and double homicide, listens to Sgt. Joe Friday telling it straight.

 

BirthoftheSly

Marvels Pitch Meeting Restarts the Sun

A bit dated, but worth a peek. I love this comic and his inane writer/Hollywood exec. characters. Watch the writer sell the exec. the klunky plot in Disney's The Marvels.

 

Pitch Meeting

When Shriners Attack v.3

 

(Every seven years or so, I like to repost this nugget from an earlier time.)

From two years ago, this is a slightly augmented version of my last—to date—offering from the Slush Pile.
 
(Here is the third edition of Tales From The Hollywood Slush Pile exploring the quarter million unsolicited screenplays that perish each year, passed over and forgotten along with their authors. This week we examine a work that sought to explore the depths of paranoia, but just didn't.)

“Dawn and a small Oregon town sleeps deeply like a sloppy drunk on New Year’s day. Suddenly the early morning peace is split by the sound of many tiny engines. 

Then they appear. 

A young women out jogging is the first to see them, riding out of the mist. She screams a forlorn scream of terror and despair and a darker emotion too primal to name but sometimes heard in Costco. 

But it is too late. 

They are many. 

They are Shriners. 

And they have come to rule.” 

Image: betterphoto.com

 
The above passage was taken from an outline prepared by Lisa Manly-Guam. Author of the screenplay, They Came in Little Cars, (originally titled Mark of the Fez). Manly-Guam was a 24-year-old activist from Salem, Oregon. Other than writing this cryptic photo play, she remains a cipher. All we know for certain is that Lisa believed passionately in odd things.

One of her outré fears involved a patriarchal coup undertaken by the Shriners, an offshoot of the Masons. Formed as a fraternal order in 1870, the Ancient Arabic Order of the Nobles of the Mystic Shrine, or Shriners, are noted for charitable works, wearing silly hats and riding little cars in parades. In Manly-Guam’s opus, they are the hidden hand behind the world’s ills, infiltrating politics and banking; biding their time, tugging strings from the shadows.

And then one day they strike.

 In her 1997 tale, the small town of Pine Head, Oregon is overrun by a Shriner horde. Shocked citizens cannot escape and must endure a reign of enforced fun. Our protagonist is the same jogger from the outline, Jenny Loam. In the wake of invasion, she find herself isolated as her parents and siblings embrace the Shriner ethos of good times and service. Loam stays silent, outwardly complying, even joining a Shriner women’s auxiliary, the Daughters of the Nile.

But inwardly, she vows to throw off the Shriner yoke.

Eventually Loam forms a guerrilla band, obtains automatic weapons and ambushes the Shriners at their weekly parade. Steel-jacked slugs riddle the invaders. Little cars crash, bursting into little flames. The Shriners attempt to fight back, hurling water balloons, but they are cut down like bunch grass. The film ends on a close shot of a bloody fez.

Registered with the Writers Guild of America West, Manley-Guam's screenplay landed at Sun Nova Pictures, a small independent production company. The coverage was puzzled.

      “The Shriner Menace failed to deliver. They came across as goofy but benign.”

     “Didn’t the Shriners build a hospital in Pine Head? Killing them sends a mixed message.”
       
     “Perhaps the story would make more sense if Jenny’s parents were maimed by a little car.”

Out of the slush pile and into the wastebasket.

No more is know about the subsequent life of Lisa Manly-Guam and her Shrinerphobic epic. She remains anonymous. But that happens. Unknown authors are as common in this town as…well…unknown screenplays.

But now a lost tale has finally been told.

Free Republic

 

Pooky Park Puppets Pursue

This creepy, funny 1950s theme park parody has been around since January, but it's an interesting sample of what can be done using AI. Here are the ingredients used by Meme Dream Machine:

Script: ChatGPT

Photos: Midjourney

Video: PikaLabs, Runway 

 

Meme Dream Machine

'Male and Pale is Stale' Leads to 'Flop Busters'

 

Dream Factory Now a Nightmare for Some

 

h/t: Ace of Spades HQ

 

 

An anonymous member of the Writers Guild of America has posted an open letter to the guild pointing out the hazards of DEI.  (A more nuanced defintion here.) Said writer posted the letter to a movie critic site called Film Threat instead of the entertainment industry press.

The letter speaks of a climate of fear smothering Hollywood as the top-down push for DEI is resulting in discrimination against white males and the hiring of writers for no other reason than the color of their skin or sexual preferences. This leads to the production of expensive 'flop busters' such as The Marvels or the latest Indiana Jones.

Sadly, animation—South Park excepted—was gobbled up by DEI years ago.

There's more in the open letter. Also, if you must watch video, check out YouTube Channel Film Threat's take on the subject. 

The clash between enforced DEI and productivity is being waged across many industries. Now Hollywood must choose between the illusion of fairness and product quality, in addition to appeasing the Chinese.

South Park best summed up the effects of DEI on creativity:

(Language Warning)

 

Joke Lol

SCTV Yellowbelly Still Delivers the Laughs

 

vagabond

 

Time passes but certain comedy bits never fade. Observe the late John Candy portray the biggest coward in the Old West.

Making Fun of TikTok

A trio of shorts poking fun at that social media magnet for the disturbed: TikTok.

Jest Videos

 

Tasteless TikTok Take on Osama Bin Laden

 TikTok: Where the Abnormal Relax

Ah, TikTok, the 21st Century home for hostile odd people. In keeping with their standards, TikTokers have recently discovered a new crush: Osama Bin Ladin. Why the architect of the 911 attacks is now viewed as cool will be discussed by future historians—I hope.

Jest Videos

Killer Giraffe Caught in the Act

 

A Long Neck Can Hide an Evil Mind

Another day, another video on the eerie qualities of giraffes. They are tricky creatures and conceal malice behind affection. Don't be like a giraffe.

John P. McCann Channel

Rare African Fire Giraffes

 Tall, Graceful, and Full-of Flame

What if you could be all those things? How different would your life be?

Jest Videos

Hollywood Squashes Wall-E

A Robot Learns There's No Business Like Show Business 

Tinsel Town can be oh-so cruel. Watch the rise and fall of a robot star.

Jest Video

George Orwell Poem on Puppies and Teddy Bears

 

More fun with AI as George Orwell pens some verse on the topic of fun fluffy things.

Ciinnamon-Stars Deviant Art

Long Live Stuffed Brother!

In the land of innocence and plush delight,

Where fluffy tyrants rule with all their might,

Puppies and teddy bears, a surreal sight,

In a world of propaganda, we'll now recite.

 

The puppies, round and soft, so sweet and pure,

But in their eyes, a watchful, secret lure.

Their fluffy paws, a grip so firm and sure,

They play the part, but motives are obscure.

 

Teddy bears, with button eyes, so sly,

In the arms of children, they comply.

A symbol of comfort, as we imply,

But who's the master in this wicked lie?

 

In this utopia of cuddles and play,

The puppies and bears have a role to convey.

They're tools of control, in a subtle way,

As innocence withers, and freedoms decay.

 

They listen in silence, these loyal spies,

Gathering secrets, with their woolly guise.

Whispered confessions, each baby's cries,

In the name of safety, liberty dies.

 

Big Brother watches, through the guise of fluff,

Tracking our lives, and it's more than enough.

As we hug our teddies, and play with our pups,

The surveillance state only tightens its cuffs.

 

So remember, my friends, in this tale so grim,

The cute and the cuddly, it's all a scheme.

In the spirit of Orwell, let's not be dim,

For the truth lies hidden, in this puppy dream.

—ChatGPT

The Dark Knight's Gloomy Day

 

Even our heroes experience time in the dumps.

John P. McCann Channel

Every Episode of The First 48

 A snapshot, that is.

Only I solve a crime in 29 seconds. Ha!

John P. McCann Channel

A Day in the Life of Me

 Or so I claim.

 

John P. McCann Channel

Make a Million Dollars with ChatGPT

John P. McCann

 

The Squeak Stopper Trench Shovel

Copy AI provided the words and Synthesia supplied the video and artificial human. (I supplied the concept.) Watch the video first, then check out the other copy.ai suggestions. They needed trimming to fit the free, but meager, Synthesia space. (Check out the last one—wow!)

Our Squeak Stopper is a trench shovel with the power to kill rats, mice and other vermin. The Squeak Stopper comes in pastel colors, and has a comfortable grip so it won't slip out of hands during emergencies.

Kill rats with this safe, humane and effective method. The Squeak Stopper trench shovel is the most humane way to control your rat infestation. Made from high quality materials and tested for reliability, this shovel will not only kill rats but prevent them from coming back again. In addition, it is available in a variety of pastel colors and can be purchased in any hardware store nationwide.

For the squeamish, or those who just prefer to avoid bloodshed, a non-lethal option is available. This trench shovel has been modified to deliver rats and mice quickly and humanely. A single strike will kill the rodent instantly and with minimal suffering. Also provides excellent back support. This product is not recommended for commercial use or victims of Black Death.

Pitch Meeting for Velma

 Comic Ryan George strikes again as he presents the pitch meeting that gave us animated Velma.

Pitch Meeting

Ryan Long Offers Income-Boosting Hope

 

Here's a thought.

Ryan Long

Little Book Reviewed on Bookshine and Readbows

 

Available in many places.

A blast from back-in-the-day as book review blog Bookshine and Readbows passed judgement on my New Age satire, The Little Book of Big Enlightenment. Inside its electronic pages, gurus, marketers, and the author battle over the true meaning of the Eckhardt Tolle-like musings of visionary Lompoc Tollhaus. Or, as Bookshine and Readbows remarked:

"Don't expect to find any genuine enlightenment . . . but to instead be entertained by a rollicking riot of flim-flam, shicanery and bickery in-fighting . . . ."

Find the Little Book in most spots where fine ebooks are sold.