Running, Beer Rule in Pikermis Blog

Post-race Mo enjoying a short beer.

Once I blogged about running, marathons and 10ks and such.  Now I run vicariously through the indefatigable Emil Cheng who, over the years, has posted innumerable photos of himself at different races, eating various foods and drinking a wide selection of beers.

But Maureen Smith may soon rival that. Blogging over at I Heart Pikermis (a term for half-marathons), this Chicago-based runner offers a growing catalog of beers sampled as well as her training log, and interesting observations on odious items spotted along a forest preserve trail.

This Sunday, Mo Smith will attempt to crack four hours at the Cleveland Marathon. That's about a 9:09 pace for 26.2 miles. But judging from her log, the pace will not be a problem. If there's any wild card, it's always race day conditions. You can train like a beast and then have Mother Nature throw a wrench in your carefully laid plans.

But running is all about overcoming. So all the best to Maureen this weekend and may her sub-four hour, beer-drinking dreams come true.

Links to The Little Book of Big Enlightenment

There's nothing like fresh links on a Saturday morning.

Over at Twi See.com thanks to @Jasmin5817 for tweeting out an Amazon link to the "Little Book."

And a friendly rattle of Tibetan prayer beads to author Sarah Hoyt at Instapundit for referring to The Little Book of Big Enlightenment as "something to cheer you up."

Just a reminder, Kindle users, you can purchase "Little Book" over at Smashwords. Select 'Mobi' (or Kindle Speak as it's often known) and enjoy rapid spiritual enlightenment on the reader of your choice.

In addition, you can take advantage of the discount code SQ34V for 50% off.

For those sans e-readers of any kind, this fine eBook may be downloaded at Smashwords as a PDF file and read on your computer.

More soon as more happens.

Joe Leahy Favors Little Book

Valued Freakazoid! announcer, and voice over king, Joe Leahy has graciously saluted The Little Book of Big Enlightenment now up at Smashwords and Amazon.

Joe has seen, and said, it all so his compliment carries weight, especially since I'm no longer in a position to offer him work.

But I would if I could because he rocks a sound studio.

Blue Whales Endorse Little Book

 It's now official. Marine biologists have deciphered the speech of a Northeast Pacific Blue Whale and the creature was absolutely stoked that The Little Book of Big Enlightenment is live at Amazon. Follow the transcript below:

BLUE WHALE: My brothers, stop eating krill and listen: The Little Book of Big Enlightenment is now available for under two dry land dollars. For that amount, you receive three words that can lead you instantly to a new consciousness. Plus there is fighting and name-calling among the air breathing authors. This book is more fun that stuffing sea weed into a brother's air hole. Calving females, you will find mirth in this eBook as well. I'm breaching now for a copy.

Frankly, nothing says 'New Age' more than whales and so I can't think of a higher endorsement for a book that promises you that new consciousness you've always talked about in only a few short hours, thanks to "condensed enlightenment." Learn more fantastic spiritual shortcuts conceived by Master Lompoc Tollhaus today.

Naturally, Amazon has so much freaking cash they've developed a salt water Kindle for aquatic mammals. That's the way it goes. So if you aren't a narwhal or manatee, or a regular human with a Kindle, don't fret. The "Little Book" is also available at Smashwords. Download this awesome eBook in a variety of formats, including PDF that will allow you to read the "Little Book" online. For the next week, add discount code SQ34V for 50% off. (Only good on Smashwords and not available for  aquatic mammals.)

This is lava hot. Whales are picky about what they endorse. So if you want fun, fast, fast enlightenment tips, and a peek behind the rainbow curtain of New Age publishing, then act now and grab a copy of The Little Book of Big Enlightenment. Remember: whales like it.
Video: MoMarr

Half Off Little Book

At least through next Thu. May 15 using the code SQ34V (if purchased at Smashwords).

Right now, The Little Book of Big Enlightenment awaits vetting by the Amazon folks for uploading to their busy site sometime tomorrow. All who pre-ordered will receive their copies on Friday through Smashwords, Barnes and Noble, Kobo and Apple.

There may be an upcoming plug from an influential media fellow, as well as an actual review of "Little Book." Naturally, I will sound off should such things occur.

Learn more informative book purchasing information here and here.

What else is to be done?

Go work on the next book.

Wisdom from The Little Book of Big Enlightenment

Krishnayapa after eating Twizzlers.

Master Krishnayapa lived a long time ago and said things that many accounted as wise. His sayings were collected by a disciple, Lompoc Tollhaus, who used them to pick up hippie chicks. But then Tollhaus experienced the wonder and astonishment of spiritual enlightenment and his life changed. He sought to raise the consciousness of humanity. In a breakthrough discovery, Lompoc Tollhaus uncovered a secret that would allow the common person to rapidly achieve spiritual enlightenment in the time it would take to read a little book.

But his dreams were dogged by the shadowy menace of Big Spirit, and a co-author who used to sell male enhancement devices.

Learn more tomorrow as The Little Book of Big Enlightenment prepares to launch Friday, May 9 at Amazon and Smashwords. If you are the proud owner of an Apple app, a Barnes and Noble Nook or a Kobo player, then know that you may pre-order a copy of the book this very instant. If you are ashamed of owning these items, you may pre-order anyway.

Without an e-reading device of any sort? You need not feel weak and out-of-sorts. On Friday, you may download from Smashwords—but only Smashwords—a PDF version allowing you to read on screen at your leisure, or print out a copy as in the days of Krishnayapa.

Today was spent formatting the book for Amazon where it now strains forward in draft mode, awaiting the green flag on Thursday evening. (Takes awhile for Amazon to approve everything, but the book should be visible and ready by Friday.)

 And remember that Thursday May 8, or tomorrow as many say, the code that—for one week—grants you half-price off any Little Book of Big Enlightenment purchased at Smashwords—and only Smashwords—will be displayed. Here, Facebook, Twitter, everywhere.

Soon the secrets of rapid enlightenment will be yours. Oh, fortunate one. Hurry, Friday!
(Images:  Hub Pages and True North.)

JP Mac Interview Plus Special Sale on "Little Book"

With The Little Book of Big Enlightenment going live this Friday, May 9, at Amazon and Smashwords, I thought I'd sound my own horn, thump my own tub, and otherwise make a big social media noise. Smashwords has this interesting facet where they allow you to interview yourself. One on one with one. So I answered my own questions as best I could. See how I did at Smashwords Interview with JP Mac.

In the next day or so, I'll be posting my red hot promotional code. Beginning Friday, May 9, should you, from the kindness of your hearts, purchase "Little Book" at Smashwords, you may use said code for 50% off. That's half off a fictional work promising fast, fast, fast spiritual enlightenment in "about the time it takes you to read the book."

No Kindle or Nook? No problem. You can choose to download "Little Book" as a PDF file and read it on your computer, or print it out old school style.

Don't try and use the code on Amazon. They will tersely rebuff you. Of that I have been assured.

And don't wait to act. Like all good promotions—and a fair number of bad ones—this 50% off business only lasts up to Thu. May 15. Then you must pay an additional buck and that's the way it goes.

So check back, nab the code, and stand by for The Little Book of Big Enlightenment this Friday, May 9. And, should time permit, read my interview and glean any number of writerly things.
(Images:  True North.)

Back From Nippy Chicago

A blustery 41 degrees when I left. Ninety-nine degrees in Phoenix where I changed planes. Home in seventy-degree LA after a long sad weekend attending my cousin's wake-funeral-burial. More should be said about Mary Ann Smith's courageous ten-year fight with cancer, but it's all still too depressing right now. Nevertheless, I found time for friends and family, Chicago-style pizza,  Italian beef sandwiches and stories about who knows who and what kind of favors that translates into.
(Image: Got Weather?)

"Little Book of Big Enlightenment" Up at Apple, Barnes and Noble, Kobo

Animated projects and indie book promotions. Between the two, I've had little chance to post for a few weeks. Before I go further, I hate formatting manuscripts for publication. What a boring pain! There. I'm restored.

The Little Book of Big Enlightenment is parked over at Smashwords, unavailable till May 9. However, you may pre-order a copy today at Apple, Barnes and Noble and, for my non-American chums, Kobo.  Get a jump on your reading peers before this astounding faux New Age book, written for the broadest of chuckles and telling you how to become spiritually enlightened in no time whatsoever, goes live on Amazon. And not just whopping monstrous Amazon, but all affiliated Smashwords sites such as the aforementioned Apple, B&N, Kobo plus FlipKart, Scribd and more. This humorous eBook will be spread across the Web like strawberry jam upon wheat toast. (A breakfast favorite around here.)

That was very sales-like and exhausting. Thank Heavens I've read The Little Book of Big Enlightenment and have sufficient serenity to withstand all contingencies. Well, most contingencies. Let's say a few contingencies and an unexpected bump or two not to exceed three per month. Then I grow sullen and overeat.

Ark Royal Review: Book Moves at Light Speed

Ark Royal by Christopher Nuttall
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

In the 'what happens next' department, Christopher Nuttall plays a winning hand. His tale of aging interstellar war ship Ark Royal pressed into desperate battle against invading aliens is a page turner.

His characterizations, however, draw a blank. The Captain is hardly creditable as a drunk of many years who attempts to set aside the bottle because "he must." Having some experience with drug addicts and alcoholics, the Captain would've died years earlier from a corroded liver. And no amount of duty, honor, humanity, would have stopped his descent.

There is an anemic love story and personalities you sense you've met over and over again in books and film. The news reporters, for the most part, are caricatured so broadly as to be cartoons.

But for all that, I read the story straight through, eager to learn the fate of Earth and the Ark Royal. I was reminded of Tom Clancy's Red Storm Rising, a techno-military page powerhouse with thin characters that also gripped my attention.

If you like your space war fiction at a rapid pace, give this one a try.

View all my reviews

Beneath the Willows: Excellent Short Horror Story

Beneath the Willow by Gemma Farrow
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Gemma Farrow's undead offering is a short, well-written story about the triumph of hope over reality. Thomas wants life back as it was before his beloved girlfriend, Keziah, was attacked. And now, in dreams, a strange figure describes for Keziah certain actions that Thomas must take on her behalf. Devotion wars with truth. Will she again be the girl he loved or something quite different, quite frightening?

Farrow's pacing and sharp focus kept me turning the pages. Characters were, for the most part, well drawn. Give this short story a shot.


View all my reviews

Jury Doody at Smashwords

Smashwords now hosts Jury Doody. Scroll down the page past my interview with myself and observer the pretty purchase icon.

Comedy-Mystery Banana Bamboozle

 Cassidy Dunne is out to solve a mystery. The only problem is the disorganized personality of Cassidy Dunne. Did her niece survive a fire? Can she save her best friend from ruin? Is there enough candy to sugar-rush her past life's bumpy spots? Find out more in this comedy-mystery by author Becky Clark with help from Ted Hardwick.

Ted and I did improv together back in the day and the guy's a blast. Give Banana Bamboozle a peek and treat yourself to a fun read.

Morongo Makes Losing Fun

If you live in Southern California and must drop a few bucks—and that's all we had to drop—then I recommend Morongo. Past Banning on Interstate 10, the place shoots up from the desert floor like a leftover set from Gattaca. Located between the snowy peaks of Mt. San Jacinto and Mt. San Gorgonio, the casino sports a nice view west of the windmill farm. Yeah, they had slots and table games and video roulette, but they possessed something else I hadn't encountered in a good long while: customer service. Even the ladies cleaning up the rooms smiled and said 'good morning.' The staff was so friendly, I wondered if it weren't some kind of set-up.

Here's how far behind the gaming curve I was: last time I visited a casino, slot machines still accepted coins. Nowadays you feed your money in, lose for awhile, then  press Cash Out,  and—if there's any left—get a paper slip listing the amount. Then you insert that slip into another machine—a lucky machine—and play down what's left. The strong willed march that slip to an ATM-like machine that pays real money. Farewell to the clang-clang-clang of coins hitting a steel tray. Very 21st Century.

Anyway, my wife and I had a blast. No family reunions. No place to be. And great WiFi so we could sit in the same room, on the same bed, and surf the Web.  In addition, there was an In-And-Out Burger within a block of the place. Thus our needs were met on multiple fronts.

Now I've got animated assignments and a book to upload to Smashwords. But getting away for the first time in years was fantastic. So refreshing was the experience, that we returned home and forgot to be resentful of our noisy neighbors.

Review: Fetterman Massacre

The Fetterman Massacre by Dee Brown
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Fascinating description of the U.S. Army's 1866 construction of Ft. Phil Kearny and the subsequent massacre of a detachment that left no survivors. Based on Army records and firsthand accounts, the narrative builds to an ambush by two thousand Sioux of Captain William Fetterman and his 80 cavalry and infantry.

While hardened veterans of the Civil War, Fetterman and most of his officers had no experience fighting Sioux and Arapaho, but plenty of confidence in their own martial abilities. At the same time, Fetterman's commanding officer had no Civil War combat experience, thus was held in low-esteem by several subordinates, including Fetterman.

Events surrounding the ambush bookend this history, but much of the tale involves traveling across the prairie from Nebraska to the site of the fort in Wyoming Territory. Soldiers had been encouraged to bring their wives and these women kept diaries. Author Dee Brown expertly weaves their observations into the story, providing a valuable peek into the beauty and harshness of life on the frontier almost one-hundred and fifty years ago.

View all my reviews

Smashwords Formatting, Free eBook Giveaway, and Book Reviews

Writing on all fronts languishes. In animation, new studio leadership and extensive paperwork respectively stall assignments. In eBook town, my Little Book of Big Enlightenment has improved with rewrites, but grown longer. Rebuilding it to conform to Smashwords is a drag. Minor tech-like things always compel me to Web surf. But I'll finish up this week.

Pleasantly surprised by the five-day Jury Doody giveaway. Three additional five-star reviews and a total of 1, 096 downloads. Since the promotion ended last Saturday, I've sold four more copies. These aren't astounding numbers by any stretch, but small pieces in a larger mosaic that takes form over time.

Book and Kindle reading has accelerated lately. Four new books in  horror,  sci-fi,  literature and history are read and crying out for review.

I'd rather be writing, but formatting and social promotion won't take care of themselves. I've tried. Give them space and they still won't conform. Such is the way of things. As Hyman Roth said, "This is the business we have chosen."

Review: Enemy at the Gate: Habsburgs, Ottomans

The Enemy at the Gate: Habsburgs, Ottomans and the Battle for Europe by Andrew Wheatcroft
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Enjoyable narrative on the clash between the Hapsburg and Ottoman Empires in 1683. A high-water mark for Ottoman conquest in Europe, the Turks were forced back by a Hapsburg counterattack and compelled to surrender Hungary.

Most fascinating for me was the tactical differences between the two armies and the effect of the printing press on Western military development. Turks were hand-to-hand masters who surged forward in a mob, while Hapsburg forces maneuvered in mass thanks to drills codified and disseminated in manuals. Thus Western generals kept more control over their forces once a battle commenced.

The book seemed uneven, with great behind the scenes research on both sides up to the climax at Vienna. Afterwards, the focus shifted to the Hapsburg reconquest of Central Europe, reconciliation between two second-class empires, and, the final irony, alliance against the allies in World War I. All covered very rapidly.

That said, Wheatcroft's book is accessible to students of the era and novices such as myself. A worthwhile competent history.

View all my reviews

eBook Daily Promotes Jury Doody

Well-read folk at eBook Daily gave Jury Doody a shout-out on their main page. Scroll down to Memoirs and Biographies.

On this last day of my free give away, Jury Doody still holds the #1 spot in Humorous Essays:

• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #646 Free in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Free in Kindle Store)
  • #1 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Essay 

And #2 in True Crime.

I'm at 916 copies downloaded and feeling pretty confident that I'll crack 1k and pick up a few more reviews. And a pleasant Saturday to you! 

Jury Doody@Amazon, Still #1 Humorous Essays

What will I talk about today? Oh, well, there's always my eBook,  Jury Doody. Since Tuesday morning, I've held the #1 spot in free Humorous Essays and now stand at #2 in True Crime. With one day to go, I've been pleased with the outcome. Almost 550 copies have been downloaded, resulting in three more positive reviews. I only wish I had another book uploaded. Otherwise, can't—and won't—complain.

Free eBook Still #1 at Amazon, Adds 'True Crime' Category

A day later and still trending up, Jury Doody cracks the top 1,000 in free eBook giveaways. As of this morning, add #1 in 'True Crime' to #1 in 'Humorous Essay.' Few people buy what I write, but a great many enjoy reading my work free. Some leave positive reviews. I've found a niche!

• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #988 Free in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Free in Kindle Store)
  • #1 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Biographies & Memoirs > True Accounts > True Crime 

Free eBook Hits #1 on Amazon

As of 1:57 Pacific Time, Jury Doody was:

• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,218 Free in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Free in Kindle Store)
  • #1 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Essays

Free eBook Nears Top of Amazon Rankings

Did I say #3?

That was so last-hour of me.

 I meant #2. 

 

Amazon Best Sellers

Our most popular products based on sales. Updated hourly.

Best Sellers in Humor Essays

 

2.

Jury Doody

by JP Mac

4.9 out of 5 stars   (8)

Kindle Edition

Free

Free eBook Climbs to #3

Like a phoenix, Jury Doody rises to the third spot on Amazon's list of free humorous essays. A fun little work about on odd domestic violence trial in Los Angeles, it's captured the public's imagination provided there's no cost. Not to slight to those who purchased a copy, but I found myself in a use-it-or-lose-it situation with Kindle Direct Publishing.

 KDP requires your book be exclusive to Amazon for ninety days. But one of the perks is a five day window in which you may offer your ebook free of charge. This pays off  best when you have other books available. I had hoped to have another title up before the giveaway, but "The Little Book" is not so little anymore. As I'm not renewing with Kindle Direct, and the free days don't rollover, I had to go "free" before Saturday.

So grab a copy today. Or, if matters are pressing, by Saturday. Learn more about a case involving spousal abuse, cell phone abuse, and strange glottal wailing. Only in LA.

Always Writing: Websites all writers should be on!

Neil Ostroff's blog offers a cool list of FREE spots writers should consider joining. Having turned in my DreamWorks assignment this morning, I'm off to check them out.

Always Writing: Websites all writers should be on!: I’ve been doing a lot of marketing/promotion lately for my books and have come up with a “must-be-on” list for writers who want to pro...

Pat Hobby Review: Hobby Rocks Studios

Some things in Hollywood never change. Tom Ruegger sent me his copy of these short stories and I really enjoyed them. 

The Pat Hobby Stories by F. Scott Fitzgerald
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

A hilarious collection of short stories by F. Scott Fitzgerald about a once successful Hollywood writer with a big house and a leaky pool, now reduced to living in a cheap Los Angeles apartment and hustling the studios for piece work.

Pat Hobby was big in the 20s, dictating movie scenarios and fond of seeing his name up on screen. But in the late 30s, he's a desperate middle-aged has-been with gambling and drinking addictions to nourish. Hobby will steal ideas, lie, connive, and manipulate for another shot at steady studio employment and the brass ring of the producer title he felt was denied him.

But Hobby reaps what he sows and often finds himself upended by his own chaotic plans and the blow-back they generate from outraged victims.

A writer at Universal Studios, Fitzgerald published these shorts in Esquire at a time when it appeared he was the washed up voice of the 1920s. Give these seventeen short stories a read and enjoy watching the train wrecks pile up.

View all my reviews

More Ink and Harold Ramis

Robin Kalinich, social media dynamo, has penned a kind word about me over at More Ink's Facebook page. Thanks once again Robin for a most-appreciated shout-out.

Less festive is the news that writer/director Harold Ramis passed away. I heard him speak at the American Film Institute many years ago and he seemed like an easy-going guy, not too swollen by success. Prayers and best wishes to the family. He leaves behind an awesome body of work. Among my many favorites is the oft-quotable Caddyshack.

See Lousy Book Covers!

They aren't kidding. Ponder the importance of designer skills as Lousy Book Covers presents the best of the worst.

Social Media Swamps Writer

Lovely Pics

Often mentioned, never dealt with is my growing conflict between writing and social media. As an independent author, I need to establish my presence online. But I find the balance hard to maintain. I should be focusing on the final rewrites to my next eBook. (Now available for preview here and at Goodreads.) Instead, I've spent the past ninety minutes "liking" the Facebook and Amazon author pages of other writers, screwing around with Twitter and Goodreads and wondering when I'll get over to Google +. My online presence is not large but all the little likes and comments add up. A hundred small leaks will cause a boat to founder as surely as a great hole.

Do other writers set a fixed time for social media? I'm open to suggestions.