Xi Jinping's Stand-Up Comedy Act

 When not threatening to vaporize Japan, the President of the Chinese People's Republic likes to stay sharp honing his stand-up comedy chops. Over the years, Xi Jinping has worked up a killer set which he polishes during open-mike nights at various Beijing night spots. Here's a smuggled out sample of Jinping at Club Five-Year Plan riffing on current events.

Now, comrades, the comedy stylings of . . . 

qz.com

"Whoa, thank you. This place is based. I gotta say: this club is almost as much fun as gang-raping a Uighur. You heard me. Yeah. Someone once asked me why I never bring a stool on stage like certain other comics. I told 'em, 'You try sitting with Joe Biden's head up your ass.' Whoa, yeah, you guys are quick. This crowd is sharper than the scalpel at a Falun Gong organ harvesting. Hell, yeah. Someone stop me. I'm a mad man.

What else is happening? Crazy week. Crazy week, isn't it? I met with the leaders of the Taliban. Did you see that? Yeah. I mean we've actually got a few things in common; like watching the United States scamper away in defeat like a little girl—Vietnam, anyone?— and kicking the shit out of Christians. Other than that, the Taliban smell like goats in a cess pool. Whoa. Did I say that? Somebody build a shower in that country. Puh-leeze.

Man, I should've gone to the bathroom before I came up here. I'm leaking worse than the Wuhan Lab. Come on. That was funny. Check your social media scores. This whole club is getting downgraded. That's better. Yuk it up. And don't forget to tip your waitresses. They all dodged forced abortions. Lucky ladies. Wild stuff, huh?

Okay, time to hit the old Belt and Road. And remember, when life hands you lemons, beat a Tibetan with an ax handle. Goodnight, everyone.

Freakazoid Friends at Warner Bros.

L. to R.: Joe Leahy, Jonathan Harris, Paul Rugg, and I

 Rummaging in some old files and scrolled across this photo circa 1997. Note my stylish collarless shirt. I never really thought about moments such as this because I was always looking ahead to the next job. Now I realize my work at Warner Bros. was the most fun I've ever been paid for. Not that my current life isn't fun. But I'm not paid for sitting around—though that is no longer universally true in California. I wonder who took this?

Editing Diversity Pleases Chi Com Censors

 Money talks and the LGBTQ walk as comic Ryan Long exposes Hollywood hypocrisy. 

Ryan Long

Fiction Writing Update and The Social Dilemma

trainerbubble.com

Trapped once more

 I used to update my writing more often. Ah, well. I'll start by reporting that the allure of social media/YouTube is just as addictive as intended. Among other spots, I've described the cloying allure of the Web back in 2017,  in a book revue and in a post complaining about Facebook. Just the morning I woke up late and started zipping around news sites and watching old Soprano videos instead of working. I have a twelve minute grace period. After that, I vanish into the online time-suck. 

And fiction writing? 

One helpful method is to reduce the time I write. Less seems to be more. This will increase in subsequent drafts, but for now my second volume of Hallow Mass inches forward two hours at a time. Depending on the amount of dialogue, that produces between one and four pages. I finish refreshed and less tempted during difficult periods to bolt intoWeb surfing. More updates soon.

BTW:

As mentioned earlier this year, take a look at The Social Dilemma. They really nail the built-in addictive nature of social media, smart phones, etc. 

Also 2018's The Creepy Line. 

Top Ten Google Corporate Quotes

 

logodesignteam.com

(You might say I'm biting the hand that feeds me, but let's see if the big G has a sense of humor.)

Top Ten Google Corporate Quotes

1. Small groups of people can have a really big impact by monitoring your opinions.

2. If you're not doing something crazy, you're not living in San Francisco.

3. If you can't change the world, change the algorithim.

4. Always deliver more than the intelligence agencies ask for. 

5. Have a healthy disregard for differing opinions.

6.  Solving big problems is easier when you sell everyone's information.

7. To many rules stifle James Damore.

8. Our Diversity, Inclusion and Equity policy spells DIE.

9. We're optimistic about technology making the world a better place for the super rich.

10. Do no evil, unless you're helping Communist China.

pngimg.com

Idaho Speaks to New California Residents

 A good press conference parody. Boy, does this guy look like an Idaho governor. 

joeinert

Libertad Cuba!

The commies are shutting down social media. Go Cuba!

Meridiano

Prostate Cancer Real Talk Interviews Author JP Mac

El and Shay Allen want you to know all about prostate cancer. So they interviewed a prostate-less man such as myself. We discuss my book and various subjects of interest to those facing this most common of male cancers. The podcast is 43 minutes in length, but chock full of helpful tips. Give it a listen!

Prostate Cancer Real Talk

Happy July 4 2021

Let that old freedom ring!

rd.com

Yet Another July 4th Run

A pleasant Independence Day to my fellow yanks. As in July 4 weekends past— 2007  2010   2015  2019 — I exercised today, this time at a Rose Bowl 5K. This one's been circled on the calendar since I signed up in March. My time today will be used in planning training runs for an upcoming marathon in November. Yes, I've signed up for the Surfer's Point Marathon out in Ventura. An ocean-front run on a flat course in low temperatures —I'm hoping. While thousands enjoy the LA Marathon, a thousand or less will run two loops to a chorus of breaking surf.

As for today, I slept poorly last night, nervous about the race. I'd trained to break 33 minutes, specifically a goal of 32:59. But I didn't want to leave my bed and the air conditioning. My wife was joining me today and we drove out to the fabled Rose Bowl in Pasadena. One thing about arising early for a run are the spectacular dawns. Alas, my windshield snap doesn't do the sky justice.

So no pre-race goodie bags, technical tee-shirts, and timing mat sensors located in the race bib. All the race volunteers wore pink shirts. A group of assisting ROTC students in mostly forest camo also wore pink shirts. Someone should tell them that pink is a terrible tactical color. Hopefully, its just a fad. 

A group of Arab students from USC stood in a knot laughing and joking as the national anthem played. Of course, the sound system was anemic and many of the surrounding Americans also laughed and joked and took selfies. But general applause erupted at the conclusion of the song. So maybe we'll go another year without replacing the Star-Spangled Banner with Cardi B's "Wap."

Started out fast and wanted to quit after fifty yards. Then I wanted to slide over to the far right hand side of the course and walk. I was breathing hard but not gasping and felt I could hold the pace. The temperature at 8:00 AM was nearing 80 degrees. I know every dip and bump and rise in the route around the Rose Bowl, so I was able to relax somewhat and focus on my chi running form. I felt slow. People were passing me. Past mile 2, I passed a few people, picking up speed on such downhills as existed. In the final stretch, a 28-year-old guy blew past me, but I managed to tie him at the finish line. 

A pleasing time of 31:51.

I waited for wife Joy to wrap up and it was off to breakfast. Now I'm happy I got up and happy I didn't slow down or walk and happy I raced today. 

 

A Pleasant Canada Day

 An edited repost from six years ago.

With dominions, provinces, and a House of Commons, our northern neighbor proudly celebrates the Constitution Act of 1867 when three provinces were linked to form one country. Read more here. In honor of their day, I present "The Maple Leaf Forever." (Incidentally, this is an excellent song to blast when the neighbor kids crank up the rap too loud.)