Happy Easter!

Lunch today with my wife and mom-in-law. The only eggs we'll be searching for are the ones on our plates.
(Image: stjohnsmcc.org)

Reunion

After 28 years, my friend Ash and I met at a Denny's with a big windmill on the roof. The staff were neither Dutch nor dressed as traditional Dutch people. Inside were no Dutch decorations, no rows of tulips, no dikes holding back syrup, no Mexican waitresses clopping about in wooden shoes. It was a Denny's and someone thought a windmill on the roof would be shit hot. It kinda was.

Today Denny's offered a number of breakfast dishes rich with hickory-flavored bacon. They called it "Baconalia." I went all in. Ash got fish and chips in which the fish arrived looking very much like a breaded boomerang.

Back in the early 80s we worked together at a security guard company. Ash was a supervisor and I was employed monitoring burglar alarms and making sure guards arrived on-time at our various accounts.

Often the guards were drinking and didn't want to be bothered showing up to their posts. This pissed off the clients, who then called me to yell about the missing guards. I could send the patrol supervisor to cover the post until I located someone to fill in. But the patrol supervisor was moonlighting from his city day job and usually slept in his patrol car—deep rem sleep, impervious to summoning radio. This led to vexing nights but everything usually worked out. Plus I smoked a lot back then and that helped mitigate the tension.

Our company had alarm systems all across LA and parts of Orange County in shops, private homes, studios and factories. In the 18 months I worked there, I phoned in hundreds of burglar alarms to the police. All but one was false. Rats set off a fair number of the motion detector alarms while earthquakes could trigger every bell alarm, causing more racket than a lunatic brigade with pots and spoons. If you wanted to break into a warehouse or a factory 30 years ago, the best time was during a Santa Ana wind. (Alarm signals traveled through phones lines. Wind whipped the phone lines agitating the signals which showed up on our monitoring equipment as multiple break-ins everywhere at once.

We had former movie stars working as undercover employees at various companies to find out who was pilfering what. (Actors and actresses excelled at these masquerades.) Our crack after-hours service department consisted of a 21-year old guy who didn't care to have his pot smoking interrupted by things like fixing busted alarm systems. We worked with people who wanted to be movie directors and comedy writers (me) and others who were happy with dispatching guards and monitoring burglar alarms but had other problems.

Ash and I met at 1:00 and parted at 6:00. My Baconalia was long since digested. But we're getting together in a few months. Hopefully next time we'll locate a Denny's with a sphinx on top. In Los Angeles anything is possible.
(Image: legends.com)

Nate Ruegger Nabs Gold

Nate Ruegger's Another Life continues racking up the film festival kudos. At Worldfest Houston International Film and Video Fest, Nate's offering won Gold for Best Original Dramatic Short.

Coming up next: the Newport Beach Film Festival.

It's a long slog through the festival circuit, but you meet people, pick up some press, and show you've got the persistence and talent to play ball in a bigger stadium. Keep going, Nate.

Marketing Tech Gap

My tech skills were pushed beyond their limit yesterday into a new mist-shrouded realm. Most of my Internet savvy consists of pushing "Publish Post" and sending email with doc. attachments. Going into an office yesterday to work for my marketing client drenched me in techno shock. I discovered the programmers send graphic heavy files back and forth using Skype. (Thank you Takineko and Nostalgia Critic for my interview last July requiring me to obtain Skype.) And while barely knowing how to use it, I at least had Skype on my lap top.

The same could not be said for Dreamweaver. With ad copy already wed to graphics and videos, I needed a platform that would allow me to edit on-screen. So began the seeking. First-choice Dreamweaver no longer offered free downloads. That began a second round of Googling plus trial-and-error downloading that I felt compelled to undertake since everyone else was incredibly busy. (And they type incredibly fast, sounding like heavy rain on plastic.) After an honorable amount of floundering, I appealed to a tech who finally got me hooked up with KompoZer. Now I could see copy and graphics and edit the text.

That went fine for awhile until I finished up and needed to Skype the file to my boss.

Having briefly clicked onto another site to check on the health and well-being of various swim suit models, I returned to KompoZer and couldn't locate the stinking file.

Several hours work hung in the balance. Fear roiled my bowels. I searched frantically like a fiery man seeking a foam extinguisher. The file was not deleted, but also not showing up in a readable form anywhere in KompoZer. With time slipping away, I finally appealed for help, certain the techs viewed me as some dinosaur who'd probably try and dial a smart phone. But they were understanding and benevolent. (I was the oldest one in the office by several generations.) My only consolation was that the tech had a hard time finding the elusive file.

Fortunately, my work was accepted and I drove home at 8:00 PM, tired and stressed, but glad I'd hung in there despite gross technological handicaps.

At Warner Bros. I complained about not getting to write on a Mac. What simple, waifish concerns I had back then.
(Images: All4Women.co.za & Another Idiot on line)

Unhappy Days for Ralph Malph

CBS gyps Ralph Malph and others out of merchandising. Hollywood hasn't done something this seedy since Harry Cohn rooked the Three Stooges out of TV royalties. Actually, Hollywood has done something seedier since then, but one is overwhelmed by choices.

Link to Rich Arons Article

Old pal Rich Arons gets his animated work noticed.

'Fresh Ideas' Appears in Anthology

Just read over the story, bio and index for my contribution to The Best of Every Day Fiction 3. Launching on May 21, this hard cover short-story collection should be available at various on-line book emporiums. I'll link to the site when the book goes up. This will be my very first fiction story appearing in an anthology and I'm as pleased as a man with unlimited access to bacon.

Review: Atlas Shrugged

No one loved the original Clash of the Titans more than I. (Except for the golden mechanical owl. I constructed one after seeing the film just to destroy it utterly.) So when I saw a title with the Greek Titan Atlas, I was all in. Alas, neither old-fashioned stop-motion animation or state-of-the-art CGI could save this film. In fact, we have two films: the story of a woman tycoon running a railroad surrounded by incompetence and government meddling interwoven with the tale of a Titan holding the world on his back as punishment for revolting against the Olympian gods. (At some point I hoped the films would intersect and Atlas would drop the world on a train like a beach ball, shrug, then lift the Earth back on his shoulders. But that was wishful thinking.) Clearly Atlas was aware of events in the train story. More often than you'd think possible, the film CUT TO a CLOSE SHOT of Atlas who would look TO CAMERA, shrug and say something along the lines of "So who takes trains anymore?"

Emotional scenes where Dagny Taggart, (Taylor Schilling) fights to keep her company afloat were undercut by annoying ZIP PANS to Atlas, portrayed by screen newcomer Leemon Waddle. At one point, Atlas breaks into a full blown Yiddish accent saying, "You think a railroad is tough? The world you should try holding some time. Oy gevalt!"

Maybe it worked in the screenplay, but presenting the audience with Titan cutaways made me wish for a golden mechanical owl. And that's never happened before. Rated Two Stars for filming in color and English. (Image: flickr.com)

Making Counter-attack

Rugg says this. My reply, when it comes, shall be like the CRACKING OF WORLDS!!

Paul Rugg and I Clash over Making

Paul Rugg is using every little verbal trick and twist in his bag—a bag he did not "make" by the way—in his attempt to force free form making on those least-equipped to handle it. No one who isn't IN THE PAY OF BIG MAKE would even adopt, let alone urge, such a policy. Twisting and squirming like a great blonde eel he lays out his mangled logic and slapdash analogies for all to see in the manner of a crazed merchant selling pastry covered in crickets. I await his next salvo. WITH THUNDEROUS LOGIC, I will bend his words back upon him. WITH THUNDEROUS LOGIC, I will make him keen like an old Chinese ox cleaner. WITH THUNDEROUS LOGIC, I will respond in a THUNDEROUS MANNER!!!

Hi

Hi everyone! What's up? Are you happy? I am. Ha, ha, ha, oh, ha. See? How happy are you?

Extra Finished

Extra work—did it myself back in the day—now is losing out to technology. No, not green screens but the inflatables. No water breaks, no sack lunches, no long lines outside Costume. Rumor has it they're already in talks with SAG.
via Ace of Spades

Reasonable? You Decide!

Anyone following the debate over making may have noticed Paul Rugg's sinister slide toward a form of making that would be nothing less than free-fall—and a danger to people most at risk under 5'10. How did a responsible man arrive at such a conclusion? And at WHO'S BEHEST? HOW MUCH IS HE BEING PAID? For now, let's suspend these questions and await Paul's latest response. I hope it will herald a much needed return to sanity.

Prose and Pitch Update

Turned in three concepts to my agent for 3 brand new animated series. She'll set up meetings and I'll go in with a pleasant smile, a load of confidence and various executive buzzwords refashioned to sound as if they were my very own ideas.

By April's end I need to turn in a book proposal - three chapters and an outline for a Young Adult novel. (Different than the weighty tome I've been blogging about for two years.) The YA chapters/outline mixes elements of dark urban fantasy with H.P. Lovecraft. We shall see what the market says.

Is everyone happy and filled with various jellies? Let me know.

This Gives New Meaning to 'homo erectus'

Scientists believe they may have discovered the first gay caveman, citing the neatest of his dwelling and the fact that cave art matched the rock floor.

You Can't Make

Means to an End

Author Deanna Fei lists her top seven books on writing for writers. When in doubt, write about what you know. And so Deanna did just that.

Auel In

Clan of the Cave Bear author Jean M. Auel talks writing and night hours. (Could be a role model for certain nocturnal writing friends of mine.)

Fem-a-Geek

Via Geek O System, all women needed were a chance to launch their own Geek site. I salute them for their desire to serve a neglected niche. ('Neglected Niche' would, I think, also be a good name for a blog.)

Nothing Ventured

Venture Brothers creators chat here.

Paul Rugg's Big Moment

Go behind the scenes with Paul Rugg as he auditions to be the next voice of Aflac.

Mark-mark-mark-marketing

Had lunch with an old Warner Bros. friend Amy yesterday. Amy works in...marketing for a big network. We talked buzz words and running and finally parted to return to our... marketing.

I have a little break in...marketing today so I'm using my new-found speed-typing to try and finish a draft on a short story. I'm thinking Monday I'll resume...marketing. They want lots of stuff written in a short time, but they pay exactly when they say they will. Even animation never managed that consistently.

80 Years of Shatner

That's what we have as of today. The Rocket Man himself has cracked eight zero. Screen Rant has a look back at the History of Bill.
(Image: last.fm)

Animation Pitches Dispatched

These chores were finished today and sent out. Only the book outline was a little light on heft, but that's because I'm a stranger to the Young Adult 'hood and need a little agenty advice on whether my story is original enough.

Fortunately the marketing storm held off until I could finish. But that will probably change today or tomorrow morning. Good. Me catchee all same same dollar. Sorry, I forgot to mention this is international Speak Pidgin English Day. You catchee, sailor man?

Runners Rock in Rainy Marathon

Way to go, LA Marathoners! On a stormy day with 2 inches of rain and winds gusting up to 20 mph, when, according to the LA Times, thousands of runners were checked for hypothermia and 26 hospitalized, you guys rocked it. Gail, Inez, Lindsey, Tiffany, Coach Chris and everyone else, outstanding job.

Special shout out to Kate Freeman for a 3:11:57. That's an average of 7:19 a mile for 26.2 miles. (The last time I ran 7:19 there were cops after me.) Out of 7,406 chick finishers, Kate was the 34th woman to cross the finish line.

Kate's speedy husband Jimmy waddled in at 2:56:38. That's 6:45 a mile, 100th dude overall out of 11,531 guy finishers. (I think it takes me almost 3 hours to get out of my robe.) Nice to see a pair of former TNT coaches get after it.

Outstanding job runners, especially Team in Training!

Those of you so inclined, have a beer on the person next to you.
(Image: AP via NBC Sports.)

Review: Battle: Los Angeles

This bittersweet romance set before the backdrop of an alien invasion promises much but delivers little. The "battle" is metaphorical, fought between a retiring Marine Staff Sergeant (Aaron Eckhardt) and a Hispanic woman (Michelle Rodriguez) who has come to America to be CFO of a large corporation. She grows bitter after her dream is foiled by a lack of education, knowledge of standard accounting practices, and the inability to speak English. Blaming Eckhardt, Rodriguez shuns him as we watch Los Angeles bombarded by alien war craft. The city's destruction represents the implosion of a relationship collapsing under the weight of failed expectations and unfulfilled desire.

Director Jonathan Liebesman turned often to static master shots followed by long slow pans of LA, letting the camera demonstrate that the search for understanding and passion are endless and futile. In the climatic scene, Liebesman used a locked medium shot of the two characters eating flan. Without touching the camera, Liebesman let the actors convey with action—the pensive holding of a spoon or the irritated sip of espresso—that all was finished—except for the flan, which the Staff Sergeant took back to his unit.

In the end we're left to wonder how the characters met, what they needed, and why they were eating dessert and breaking up in the middle of an invasion. I would rate this two stars out of five for the patient, unhurried pace of the film and the excellent use of flan in a supporting role. (Image: IMDb)

Another Life in D.C.

Nate Ruegger's film continues to draw attention in a positive way.

A Day for Green Activism

Don Rickles once described the Irish as "a wonderful people. Their lives consist of beer and parades." Ah, but he forgot poetry and grumbling. Happy St. Patrick's Day to all!
Image: Caplan Miller

Pitch Fest 2011

Nice long meeting today with the agent as we caucused over my ten ideas for animated TV shows. Several candidates were discarded because they did not fit the current industry meme. (Shows must contain "wish fulfillment" or "bowel empowerment"...something.) These TV animation memes are adopted by executives and often seem artificial and contrived yet have the unofficial force of law—like dress codes among teenage girls. Minus the current meme, you have little chance of even setting a meeting to pitch, let alone getting a development deal for your weird memeless idea.

Eventually, we settled on two ideas for kids' TV animation, one concept for adult animation and one idea we decided worked better as a book. (Another stinking book!) Except for the book, which I need to outline, I'll have to flesh out the animation ideas such as describing the rules of each world. (King of the Hill or "Spongebob?") In keeping with our newest tradition, my agent chose a deadline in which I must deliver her back the updated material. (Ten days from now.)

This means I must up my game a notch. The marketing writing leaves me really weary and not wanting to WRITE ANYTHING including emails and Facebook posts. But if I want to start something rolling again I either need to push myself at day's end or arise earlier and put in two hours or so on my own stuff then buckle up and crank out the ads.

It's like training for a marathon. Not always fun, but you suck it up and go. And so I will.

Prayers and best wishes to the Japanese as they struggle through a jumbo catastrophe.

Video: Carolla on Carolla

Adam Carolla recalls life pre/post carbon monoxide poisoning.

via ZocaloPublicSquare

Preparing to Pitch the TV Animation Industry

With my marketing side-job and assembling a host of animated TV series ideas for my agent. ("Host" in this case being 10.) After a few years on the shelf, I'll be reengaging with the animation industry in a more systematic way than resenting not having a job. Next week or the week after, the pitch meetings begin. Meanwhile, the marketing copy sings out its non-siren call, but a strong call nonetheless.

My Roger Eschbacher Plug

We used to work together back at Warner Bros. Now Roger and I have become bookish fellows, with literary wares to market. (Mine are still theoretical. Roger has actually completed something.) Stop by Roger's blog and find out more about his books. In addition, his site The Novel Project has good general info for writers in all stages of their careers.

AI Extra

On the subject of impending rule by pitiless robot overlords, here's a revealing look at how the clankers hope to hijack our fish. Hopefully, Starkist will discover this method first and lead fish to their proper destination—the tummies of Mankind.

New Black Matrix Home

For Black Matrix Publications, the nice folks who published my short story, "Bane Fish." They are in transition from old website to new and from publishing short stories to novels of sci-fi, horror and fantasy. If you can, support the small presses. (Some are no bigger than napkin caddys, but support them nevertheless.)

Running and Robots

I made such a big deal out of running. Look at the Japanese! They've transcended actual marathons by inventing robots to do it for them. The robots are programmed to grow increasingly cranky from mile 20 onwards and to shuffle post-event for several days.
via Drudge Report

R.I.P. McDuffie

Didn't really know the man, but we labored in the same fields. Prayers to the family.

Run Around

My friend Bernadette mentioned she was training for May's Pasadena Marathon. I thought, 'Why don't I blog about running anymore?' I had me. I had me cold. Maybe it's because progress is only measurable in geologic time. Since December I've steadily run (or run and walked) three times a week. And while I've been mostly injury-free, I can only progress as fast as I'm able to assimilate the chi running form. Since a slight pain while training for a marathon in 2008, I've started and stopped walking and running numerous times, grown depressed, ate quite a bit, became a tubby man, then commenced the exercise process all over again. In addition, my training attempts have been periodically interrupted by a galaxy of necessary physical repairs. I've had: Knee surgery in 2009. Physical therapy for a knotted shoulder tendon in Feb. 2010. Skin cancer surgery in May 2010. Now that knotted tendon has become a partially torn shoulder muscle. I'll need...surgery! The mileage and times I used to post seem mythic. Another reminder of things past was yesterday encountering Coach Katie (pictured on the left). We ran together for two miles around the Rose Bowl, discussing matters old and new. Very nostalgic and reminded me of how I took my health for granted and what a blast I had with Team in Training. I'm not ungrateful for everything that has befallen me. (Worse things were always possible.) And I had good health care. But years of start-and-stop make for boring blogging. 'Quixotic' comes to mind regarding my ever running distance again. Why not let it slide? Clearly, I'm too old and fragile for the sport. But something says I've got another marathon left. Maybe two. I'm just not ready to concede.

Link to Kung Fu Panda Lawsuit Post

Dreamworks/Paramount call out the attorneys as plagerism suits pile up for Kung Fu Panda.

Your Tax Dollars At Work

DHS displays its Internet prowess by falsely labeling 84,000 sub domains as "child pornographers." Nothing boosts business better than having the unwashable odor of child porn rubbed into your name.

Perhaps DHS will get involved next in the field of dentistry. What could possibly go wrong?

So long, Kenneth Mars.

Actor Kenneth Mars died. A funny guy, he graced the cast of Candle Jack and was a big addition to any show, segement or episode you had in mind. A real pro. God bless. Oh, nuts. I said.....
(Image: fixinthemix.com)

Funny BBC VO Link

They're firing on all cylinders over at the BBC. Via Tom Ruegger comes this most hilarious collection of voice-overs.

Welcome to Copy Writing

Working a job for a marketing company as a copywriter; deliver all assignments this week with next week for notes. I have not written so much, so fast in all my decades of scribing. Long letters, short emails, long and short videos all crammed with product info, all under deadline. Today is only a series of emails, but I'm gassed. Even working hard every day on the novel didn't turn my brain into a wok.

Animation writing never looked so good.

'Another Life' Lives On

Speaking of Nate Ruegger, his film has found another festival. Stop by Another Life for more updates on...Another Life.

Ruegger Boys Nail One

Very funny musical by Nate and Cody Ruegger on the perils of making a Spiderman musical.

Hats of the Super Bowl Losers

Super Bowl XLV - perhaps the last event in the world where Roman numerals are still used. A good contest this year with proper ebb and flow. Perhaps the biggest fumble of the night was Christina Aquilera's muff of the National Anthem. Ozzy Osbourne might've done better.

But what fate is in store for all the "Pittsburgh Steeler Superbowl Champs" ball caps kept under the bench in case of victory? Marred by a scarlet L for "loser," the caps might find their way to eBay for purchase by collectors of loser memorabilia. Or maybe there is a Loser Museum filled with Chicago Cub 2003 collectibles, Mondale-Ferraro buttons, earth shoes, and Window's Vista.

Anthology Me

"Fresh Ideas" has been selected for inclusion in The Best of Every Day Fiction Three anthology due out in late April or early May. Many of you read and commented favorably on this tale and I thank you for helping me pump up my print credits.

Snow Belongs on TV

For those who must deal with it in person, my condolences.

Art Interlude

Rich Arons and musical pal Rossini have fun with images.

richarons

Life's A Gas in Malawi

A nation that bans farting is out to make a statement.

Kindle Dawn

There's a first time for everything in publishing, including new-fangled reading things.