Fun with Phiippine Phish

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Cheeky Fellow Seeks Cash From Formerly Overweight Writer

Not the musical group from the early 90s. They are neither foreign, nor do they seek money from me via a scam launched with an old email. Nevertheless, I'm being phished via an ancient account belonging to my cousin's hub. Here is the pitch:

 I'm in Manila, Philippine right now with my family on Holiday and I'm short on cash right here, I tried to access my account from the cash machines here and it's not working, I went to the bank to withdraw and I was informed that I cannot withdraw money from my account in some countries,that it's network errors, I'm thinking if I could get a quick loan of $1,500 from you or anything you can afford to loan me so that I can clear some little things here and also take a cab to the airport. I promise to refund it as soon as I get back home Friday morning, let me know so I can send you my details.

Waiting to hear from you.

I respond:

As you know, I've earned my living for years shooting rabid dogs for the county of Los Angeles.

Due to recent cutbacks, I'm afraid that money has been tight.

I could send you a large jar of change. I don't know if there's $1,500 inside, but the jar

is very large.

Let me know. 

Also, I read somewhere that many of the cash machines in Manila operate by

placing sugar cane into a slot. Did you try that? 

Yours in the Purity of Our Essence,

JP 

The next move is up to Mr. Phish.

Oh, did I mention "formerly overweight?" Yes, I believe I did. My iintermittent fasting diet continues to show results. Last month, I discarded an additional two inches off my waist. I'll weigh myself later today and see where matters rest after two months.

In case you've never seen the Northern Lights, neither has Phish.

PHISHjohnsonPHISH's channel

Fast, Write, Run

Intermittent fast, write short-stores, and chi run, to be specific. This constitutes the bulk of my days. Fast continues into the second month. I overdid it yesterday, because I barely made it to my eight-hour chow block without cheating. Ah, but good old protein did the trick and I'm fine today.

My short story, "Growth," a tale of Hollywood, giant actors, and resentment, was kindly rejected by the venerable Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction. On to the next market. Meanwhile, my story of a man involved with a jealous succubus continues to wax and wane in size like the very moon. I like the set-up, but can't seem to locate the ending. More effort, I think.

Today is a running day and I look forward to loping around the perimeter of the Wilson-Harding Golf Course in Griffith Park. On non-running days I used to ride my exercise bike to pump up the cardio. However,  I broke a pedal. Now the bike serves as wardrobe stand.

In a few weeks, I'm away to the Pacific Northwest to visit family and participate in a chi running workshop with the big dog himself, Danny Dreyer. Here's hoping I glean some tips to make me a more relaxed, injury free runner.

A pleasant weekend to you!

Ben Stiller and Jonah Hill in The Watch

This film aired on cable not too long ago. Back in the day, my friend Randy and I wrote a screenplay about a Neighborhood Watch in Hollywood. It was nothing like this film, but Randy tried like heck to sell it. (I went back to college.) Nevertheless, I thought The Watch really had it's moments as Ben Stiller and Jonah Hill grill a young prisoner.


The Watch

The Many Writing Tips of Stephen King

quotes

Horror Master Offers Advice

After 54 novels and 200 short stories, author Stephen King might've gleaned an insight or two from the writing game. Certainly blogs of all kinds have shared his know-how. (As I am doing now.) Here are a few posts containing writing tips, rules, and guidelines, courtesy of the Man From Maine.   

Stephen King's Top 7 Tips for Becoming a Better Writer

Stephen King's 20 Tips

Stephen King's 5 Writing Tips

Stephen King's 10 Writing Tips

Stephen King's Top Twenty Rules

FullStop

Sci-Fi Fantasy Story Submitted for Consideration

Much further down the writing food chain, I've finally sent something out: a tale of show biz, giants and resentment. For a guy determined to publish/place 15 short stories in six months, I'm so far averaging a short story every 30 days. My first offering departed yesterday at 3000 words (approx. 16 double-spaced pages). I'm in motion with the second story, but it's changed radically and I'm still wrestling with a first draft. (But at least I know the ending.) Alas, Dame Life has dropped in with her basket of car-tax-household troubles and time evaporates like whiskey on a drunkard's lips. But I struggle on, as is the way of Mankind.

Workprint

Intermittent Fasting at One Month

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Cheap Weight Loss Method Works Fast

Yesterday marked the first month of my intermittent fasting whereby I fast 16 hours a day, leaving myself an eight hour chow window. Other than cutting way, way back on sweets, I didn't count calories or avoid carbs. Regardless of what I consumed, I found I ate less. 

Exercise consisted of walking and/or running a few miles, stationary cycling, and yoga 3 to 5 times a week. Exercise was always done during fast periods. 

After a step on the scale and a stretching of the tape measure, the results are in: I lost two inches off my waist and 12 pounds. 

I'm quite pleased and celebrated by eating four cakes. (Just kidding.) I shall continue through August into early September and see what pound-consuming wonders the next month holds. 

Intermittent Fasting and I

Fat Writer Works on Losing Weight

In  January, I weighed 266 pounds as a result of post-op recovery and writing two books in 2015. My waist was a svelte 48.5 inches. All I could wear were shorts with a moon-sized waist and sweat pants.  So in February, I started walking and stationary biking, doing what I could. By May, I'd dropped 12 pounds, but then put a few back in June. 

Then I heard over at Ace of Spades HQ about this thing called intermittent fasting. As they say over at Nerd Fitness:

"Intermittent fasting is not a diet, but rather a dieting pattern. In simpler terms: it's making a conscious decision to skip certain meals. By fasting and then feasting on purpose, intermittent fasting means eating your calories during a specific window of the day, and choosing not to eat food during the rest."

For the past three weeks, I've been eating during a 6 to 8 hour window every day. The other 16 - 18 hours I don't munch so much as a grape. I exercise 4 to 5 times a week, mostly easy running, always undertaken during the fasting period. 

I feel a bit peckish in the morning, but getting busy on the day's stories overwrites such thoughts. Far less junk food passes my lips and I've yet to be hit with the starvation mode munchies.

In three weeks, I've lost nine pounds. I'll post again on this at the month mark, August 7.

Read more of this intermittent fasting business here. 

Or check out the amusing and informative Hodge Twins as they chat about intermittent fasting in their street-wise, earthy way. 

Hodgetwins 

Short Story Tsunami Underway

I want a JP Mac story, Okay?

Author Aims to Place 15 Short Stories in Six Months.

And not for the first time. (That was Ten-in-Six for those who visited here back in 2009.)  I haven't published a short story since 2012 and that's too stinking long. So off we go again. To date, I have one story with beta readers, one in first draft, and an writing the first draft on a third. I shall probably relay on Duotrope to help me locate markets. Updates when I place. This time out, I crave a spot in  Asimov's Science Fiction. Away, away!

Hallow Mass Hungry for Readers

Give me 50 reviews now.

Yes, this horror tale cries out for fresh eyes. Eyes that read and enjoy the story of a grad school party girl who must risk a ghastly death in order to save the world. Lovecraft lovers will enjoy the many references to the "Dunwich Horror." Those indifferent to Lovecraft will enjoy the story anyway. Available in soft cover and fine eBook formats only at Amazon. 

Periodic Running Update

Chi Running Eases Pressure on Knee

Losing some weight, however, can't be beat. Doing a little of both since my April 5K. I've been walking and running three days a week since February. This is the longest stretch of human locomotion since my knee checked out eight years ago.

I've had a bit of calf stiffness and couldn't be happier. (It's something other than the knee.) Ice and throttling back on training have done their work. Nowadays, I run slowly for 3 miles, then yoga it up on the off days. If all goes well, I may venture another 5K in August. 

Until such time, my goal is to stay in the running—so to speak—and not worry about speed or time. 

On a completely different note, teenagers in a pool two buildings away are playing Marco Polo and shrieking 'ohmygod' as a single word. If I owned an electric eel, and wooden gloves to carry it in, I would truncate this auditory chaos rather quickly.     

Happy Independence Day!

The Onion

Memorable July 4th Events

Thanks to the Founding Fathers for sticking their necks out and declaring independence when it was unclear they could back up such a deed. (I recommend David McCullough's book 1776 if you wish to read how the British kicked the American army off Long Island, chased George Washington from New York, and came very close to mopping up his ragged little force.)

History aside, here are several recollections from July 4th past: 

5Ks   

Mark up another one today. (Only 3 miles.) Ran around the golf course at Griffith Park along the soft dirt bridal trails where you rarely see a horse while maneuvering past their rounded droppings. Felt good, no injuries, taking it very slow. In the past, there have been runs and walks in:

2007

2010, 2015

5th of July Party 1981

Close enough for a list. This epic bash saw an entire Hollywood apartment building unite in pursuit of a drunken bash that began around 11:00 AM at the pool, spread from the building, down the block to a bar, back to the building and inside an apartment where it continued until the cops showed up at 3:00 AM. My recollections are fuzzy due to age and staggering drunkenness.

1986

This year, repairs were finally completed on the Statue of Liberty and there was to be a big televised event with more fireworks than Saturday night in the barrio. An old improv friend invited me to a party down near the beach. I'd once had a crush on Lisa. She reluctantly informed me of her gayness. But I still didn't give up, as I'd met women before who were "gay for a day." In any case, Lisa's party was lesbian central. Out of 22 women, only three were straight. One was ill and left early, the other nursed a bad sunburn, and I didn't hit it off with the third. No matter. We all had a grand time watching fireworks over the ocean off Santa Monica. The following year, Lisa moved to Sedona, Arizona with a girlfriend, bought a house, and waited for UFOs to circle Coffee Pot Rock. (I could be wrong about the last part.)

1976

Bi-centennial. A big deal. My sister was attending Western Illinois University. Out in the cornfields, near the Mississippi River, not far from Iowa, stood the little town of Basco. There they made their own fireworks and put on a patriotic pageant every 4th. My girlfriend and I, my sister, and her friends attended. We ended up trashed in some field drinking Grain Belt Beer and watching the fireworks crackle. We all bought tee-shirts that said "Basco 1976." I drove back to the farmhouse my sister was renting, hunched over the wheel, barely able to see.

Horror Book Discount Continues

That's about all the July 4th memories I can salvage for the day , but there's always time to flog a book. Through today and ending Tue. July 5th, Hallow Mass continues to be available in Kindle form for under three dollars. Cool off with a nice chilling horror tale of old grudges, new terrors, and unadorned sorcery. A pleasant weekend to all! 

New Release Date for Pacific Rim 2

Hollywood Hopes Bigger is Better at the Box Office

Since mentioning BFG yesterday, I've found that size will indeed matter in a pair of movies out in the coming years. This is strange timing, as I've just finished a draft on a short story saluting the big and tall called, "Starsky and Goliath." Meanwhile, coming to the cinema:

Gigantic 

Here is conflict, I think.

Yes, Jack and his beanstalk return, this time in a Disney animated musical set for release in 2018. You got your good giants and your bad giants, though it's tough to beat Attack on Titan for creepy colossi. (Hajime Isayama's popular manga-animated series-video game-film is the benchmark for big and bad. I've spoofed it and enough on that.) I have an odd feeling Gigantic will veer off in a more peppy direction. Nathan Greno of Tangled fame is parked in the director's chair.

Pacific Rim 2: Maelstrom

Mecha. Would you agree?

With a new release date of February 23, 2018, this sequel to the 2013 kaiju vs. mecha mashup has Steven S. DeKnight directing and, I'm guessing, enough new kaiju and mecha to keep fans as happy as large people with ample food.

On the subject of releases, my horror novel Hallow Mass will be discounted in Kindle form for the 4th of July weekend. Save, save, and, I say, save $4.00 beginning today at 8:00 AM Pacific Time and continuing through Saturday, July 2 when a tale of obligation in the face of terror will be available for .99 The savings continue Sun. and Mon. July 3 and 4 with a $2.00 discount, ending Tue. July 5. Snag your copy and follow the adventures of party girl and reluctant wizard Mercy O'Connor.

Best to all and happy Independence Day, USA!

io9 Kinda Likes BFG

A famous director and a book about nice giants. Is it enough?

Giant Film OK But Fails to Meet Expectations

Based on a novel by Roald Dahl, the i09  review explains that:

". . . The BFG is about a young orphan named Sophie (Ruby Barnhill) who is taken from her London home by a big, friendly giant (a performance capture Mark Rylance). The BFG, as she begins to call him, takes her to a magical world where he collects and manipulates dreams. Sophie realizes that, despite his size, she and The BFG share some insecurities, and solving those becomes something the pair embrace with all their heart."

Directed by Steven Spielberg for Disney, the reviewer felt that such a powerhouse lineup should result in a powerhouse film. But as we know, past performance is no guarantee of future results. Read the whole thing. 

Horror Book Discount Starts July 1

Tomorrow! Canada Day! Throughout the 4th of July weekend, Hallow Mass will be available in Kindle for discounts ranging from $2.00 to $4.00. Who will win the sorcery duel atop Sentinel Hill? A diabolical warlock or a grad school party girl? Take advantage of this unique offer  while it is still unique, before the bloom is off the rose, the paint off the car, the fur off the cat.