The Price of Commitment

For over five years I studied t'ai chi. I learned the Yang Family long form, short form, fast set, push hands; attended t'ai chi camps and workshops; assisted the instructor, read books, bought videos, checked out websites and practiced persistently. But there came a time when I was faced with moving up or moving on. To move up would have required me to drive cross-town in rush hour traffic twice a week and study at the main guy's school. I would need to make a big financial commitment as well as up my practice time. This decision came just as I began running again, mentally committing myself to finishing a marathon after years of false starts. So I moved on, ran, and eventually joined Team in Training, completing 5 marathons. And while I still practice t'ai chi, I have decided the level I'm at is the last level I'll reach. Which brings me back to running. Every setback is a time to examine commitment. Do you renew or fold? This cancer business on top of last year's knee operation, illness, learning to chi walk, tendinitis, anemia and all the hurdles I've faced since September 2008, including misdiagnoses from a hack doctor, have made 'fold' seem not only realistic, but the smart play.

• Any outdoor exercise must now be tempered by the knowledge that I'm very skin cancer prone. So its cover-up exposed skin and train in the early morning or evening. (Or retire to the state of Washington.)
• I'm pushing 60 and have sustained a fair amount of damage over the decades from a severe leg wound to broken bones to sprains and torn muscles.
• Odds are that I'll never again equal where I was physically in 2008. That means I'll probably never qualify for Boston or run Heartbreak Hill.
• Maybe the point of all these set-backs is not to press on, but to quit before something worse happens.

I'm caught in limbo, unable to sustain a training program that will get me running again and unable to move on. I wish I could let running go and take up cycling or Candyland. I'll be like Chuck Liddell, the Ice Man, who could've eased into training fighters after the Rampage Jackson beat-down, but returned to the octagon, losing four of his next five fights, one of them a knock-out. That's not a graceful exit. But that's how I'll leave running. Painful as it is to keep starting over, I'm going to need another series or two of smack-downs to prove I'm finished. And I may not believe it even then. 'Cause if I'm not moving on, I'm moving up. Moving on up. Moving on up to the Eastside, to a de-luxe apartment in the sky. From now on, I'll run a dry cleaners. Wait. Skip that part. Run again soon, I'm believing.

Keeper's America

Employing a giant map, Keeper sings "Wakko's America."

On the Nose with Basel Squamous

A shout-out to family and friends who checked in yesterday. All the prayers and little bits of encouragement helped in many ways as I look forward to getting the bandage off today and appearing only mildly deformed to the general public.

Between the wound draining and a big nose bandage, I slept poorly last night. Today, Ernesto drove me to the doctor's for yet another blood test, this one concerning anemia. I thanked my doc for catching the cancer. I'm like a medical windfall to him; every week, something new from tendinitis to anemia to cancer. Perhaps my story will make the New England Journal of Medicine as the Amazing Often-Sick California Man. (Then I can claim it as a publishing credit.)

"Take That Hook Out."

One of the many charming medical phrases I heard during outpatient surgery today. ("Blot" was another.) The cancer was more aggressive, deeper and wider than expected. They had to go in twice to cut everything out, then do a skin graft to cover the wound. Luckily, the cancer didn't migrate into the cartilage or I'd be Mr. Odd Nose. (Clever remarks notwithstanding.) Or worse. Anyway, my wife hung out while the doctors did their medical chores, then drove us home. Blood keeps draining into my mouth, making everything taste like I'm eating at the craft service table on Dawn of the Dead. But I'll take such minor discomforts. In the world of cancer, I skated big time.

Cereal Killer

An ugly rumor swirling about the animation industry. As part of the First Lady's childhood obesity program, the government is considering banning food advertising from cartoon shows. No Happy Meals, Count Chocula, or Snickers. In an ailing industry, this would be a major kick in the private parts. Let's hope its just scuttlebutt. Cartoons wouldn't be the same with tofu ads.

Onion Video on Hiding our Nation's Porn

We don't want to look bad...really.

Congress Announces Plan To Hide Nation's Porn From Future Generations

5Ks All Day

Emil gives the run-down on Carlsbad.

Tomorrow Bear

Dancing bear by day, crime-fighting scientist by night!
Thanks to takineko and Maz for the awesome artwork and color as I finish up the text and prepare to re-pitch this re-tooled idea. If I'd had any art this good the first time around we'd all be living large.

Black Water at Devil's Gate

The dam you see here is Devil's Gate Reservoir. Team in Training usually staffs an aid station atop the structure for longer runs up the Hahamonga Watershed, past Jet Propulsion Labs and up into the Angeles National Forest. This video shows the run-off power of January's storms, black with ash and dirt from the fire-swept areas. Running trails are off-camera but parallel to the flow. The last footage in Brookside Park is near the start point for many TNT runs. Fire and El Nino rains equal instant landscaping.

Via PhotoBoost

Go Ask Alice in Wonderland

My wife and I saw Alice in Wonderland yesterday, keeping alive our streak of only seeing films that have "aged" a few months. Pleasant and entertaining. I remember little from the original Disney version and barely anything from the books. My only quibble would be Alice's closing "mad" idea of opening markets in China. As the film was set in the Victorian era, China was already colonized by Western powers. In fact, the country was on the brink of erupting in anti-foreigner violence known as The Boxer Rebellion. Perhaps the sequel can draw on proper history, as Alice enrages the Dowanger Empress with her pert forthrightness, causing boxer Chinese to attack the Hatter and lop him to bits in a frenzy of patriotic zeal.

Or maybe more cute stuff with Tweedle dum and Tweedle dee.

Biopsy Results

Biopsy results indicated skin cancer; something called basal squamous - which sounds like the name of a cheap carnival owner. Apparently, there is danger of metastasizing so I have an operation scheduled for Thursday, April 15. This will result in an even bigger bandage on my nose. But the doc seemed positive he could snip out all the bad cells which makes me positive. (If he sobbed and apologized over the phone, I'd feel different.)

This morning I did my walk starting in pre-dawn gloom. As I now have a 40% chance of reacquiring skin cancer, I must temper my interactions with the sun. Considering how I almost blew off meeting the dermatologist, I'm feeling rather grateful today.