Happy Birthday, H.P. Lovecraft

Photo from Lovecraft's Arkham driver's license

A Cthulhu-shaped cake in honor of Howard Phillips Lovecraft, born August 20, 1890. A writer of strange, outre fiction, his works featured gibbous moons, antediluvian architecture, cyclopean structures erected with strange geometry, and monstrous entities that caused poets to go barking mad. This iconoclastic author cut his own trail when it came to horror and fantasy. I aim to glom onto his success with my upcoming fiction book, The Dunwich Diversity Seminar.

DDS tells the story of a modern day, party-girl grad student, related to one of the Miskatonic University professors who turned back the "Dunwich Horror." She finds herself the only one capable of saving humanity from frightening creatures aiming to scour earth of all life and drag it into another dimension. But will our heroine decline the Mojitos long enough to stop these diabolical plans?

So happy birthday, H.P. You would've been 125 years old today. Not quite eldritch, but getting there.

50ZG Now in Diesel, A Bookstore

No typo. Singular. Bookstore. One. For Now. The insightful crew at Diesel, A Bookstore has on hand two copies of Fifty Shades of Zane Grey. Located in oft-filmed Brentwood, Diesel is an independent bookseller, one of the few remaining. You don't last in that business unless you know what your customers crave print wise. They've been around since 1989. How many of you can say the same?  Below are the store particulars, lifted directly from the Brentwood Country Mart (small mall) website:

So if you're out and about in Brentwood (or Santa Monica, California), do consider stopping by and picking up at least one of my durable soft cover books lampooning the work of Fifty Shades author E.L. James.  Enjoy romance, laughs, and learn what it's like to live with an Inner Canadian Goose. Or browse the shelves for works by Diesel favorites such as Don Winslow, author of The Cartel.

If nothing else, do mention the presence of my book to your Southern California friends and relatives. In between surfing sets, they might seek the comfort of the written word before returning to the mighty Pacific.

Story Prompt: Art Helping Art

Here's a tool I've used in the past to help generate story ideas. I fill a sheet of paper with whatever thoughts arise, using different colored pencils, starting at various spots on the page and not censoring anything. This prompts my subconscious to cough up helpful story facets. There is, however, a tendency to fill the page with "redrum," but therapy and an ankle bracelet help keep that in check.

A repost from April 26, 2009. Haven't used this in awhile. I'm keen to give it another try.

Hiroshima and I

August 6 separated by 69 years.

In 1945, August 6 witnessed the detonation of the first atomic bomb over the Japanese city of Hiroshima. I was always fascinated by the shadows of people left on walls. I'd always heard they were vaporized by the blast, but could never figure out why the wall wasn't vaporized as well.

Wall to Wall

And while a terrible event in a terrible war, more Japanese were killed by a conventional firebombing of Tokyo that March. And who needed bombers? The Japanese army in Nanking, China in 1937 killed around a quarter million Chinese using rifles, bayonets, and swords. (The Japanese used the bombers to sink the gunboat U.S.S. Panay, killing and wounding American sailors, but  later apologized and paid us some money.)

Enough of this grim Second World War stream-of-consciousness.

In 2014, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Just me. Not an entire city. But tragedy involving my life becomes all-consuming. ('But it's ME! How can this happen to ME?')

A year has passed and I'm a man without a prostate, but cancer free. (At a physical examination yesterday, I told the doctor he didn't have to check my prostate anymore—unless he wanted to. He took it in the correct spirit.)

For all my physical gyrations the last twelve months, I'm grateful to be mending and married, as I can't imagine going through this event without the help of my darling wife, as well as family and friends.

And so today some remember a large tragedy and I remember a small one. Life advances inexorably. As for this August 6, say what you will, but both Hiroshima and I are doing better than Detroit.

Eulogy for a Mac Classic

Sweeney talking to a salesman at the Honda dealership.

Cleaning out a storage facility last week, I found a box containing my old Mac Classic, just in time for the passing of Steve Jobs. Back in 1991, M.D. Sweeney accompanied me to the Westwood Mac store and negotiated on my behalf for the computer and a printer. Sweeney is a phenomenal dealer with a deadpan expression like an Olmec mask. Sales reps flash their easy smiles, grow uncomfortable and sometimes offer things at a lower price. (They didn't this time, but even A-Rod strikes out occasionally.) On that computer I wrote many Acme Comedy Theatre sketches as well as my first Animaniacs script, "Dracu-lee, Dracu-la." But it's doing no one any good anymore and is destined for the green waste facility. Farewell, Mac Classic and rest in piece, Mr. Jobs. And if you're ever in Los Angeles, stop by Amalfi Restaurant and see if you can talk the owner (Sweeney) into a free dessert. Let me know how it goes.
Image: antique trader

A repost from Oct, 7, 2011 only with links.

DreamWorks: Fine Animated Features and Real Estate Flips

Diversify is sound business advice and, according to Cartoon Brew, DreamWorks Animation has done just that:

"After announcing a quarterly loss of $263 million last February, DreamWorks sold its campus to SunTrust, and as Cartoon Brew reported in March, SunTrust began the process of flipping the property immediately after buying it, initially listing it for $250 million."

According to the article, DreamWorks has a profit-sharing deal that allows them to dine upon the proceeds of the resale.

Possibly Netflix hired all the 500 laid off employees.

My last time at the Glendale studio was in 2014 for a preview of Peabody and Sherman, which may've been the fat straw that broke the studios back. i09 combs through the film's wake.

Anyway, DreamWorks Glendale had a great breakfast buffet set up for the film with all these great little Danishes and coffee in cups.

And the free lunches were outstanding.

But now there's no longer any such thing as a free lunch.

Dunwich Almost Done and Webless Sunday

Azathoth: lucias faustus

Earth's saviour?     Image: Tara Bliss 

Three chapters remain in the seventh draft of the Dunwich Diversity Seminar. My first novel follows the adventures of a party girl grad student who must choose between saving the world from Lovecraftian horrors or knocking back mojitos at an Arkham Happy Hour. In June May, the project was stuck in neutral and seemed destined for The Great Pile of Semi-Finished Books. But perseverance paid off. And while various marketing projects require my attention this week—they do pay promptly—I hope to wrap up this Dunwich version by early August.

As a note, yesterday I spent a second Sunday without going online. I felt nervous, ill-at-ease, edgy, but managed to occupy myself on household projects, reading, and things I usually did for most of my life pre-Internet. Today, I feel refreshed and ready to write things pleasant and otherwise.

Amazon Follow Button Aids Authors

Busy Amazon.com has a new button on the left hand side of my Amazon Author Page. (And all author pages, for that matter.) Click upon this rectangular box and you will be notified when my next book, The Dunwich Diversity Seminar is available for sale in the world largest bookstore. Can a party girl grad student learn the information necessary to save the world from Lovecraftian horrors? Those who click the Follow button will find out first just in time for Halloween 2015.

For a bit more on Amazon publishing, including additional info on the Follow button, read this brief article from Digital Book World. In making a Follow Button available, Amazon has:

". . . increased the control they have of the book marketplace and highlighted once again that part of the ground they take is ground the publishers simply cede to them. Any publishers that is not helping authors engage with their readers and actively create their own email lists to alert the interested to new books is put on notice now that they are quite late."

How helpful? I will learn more in the next few months.

Fifty Shades of Zane Grey Snags Another 5-Star Review

Thanks go out to reader Roger E. for the following:

"Didn't read the original "50," didn't have to. "Fifty Shades of Zane Grey" stands on its own and delivers a prairie schooner full of chuckles, clever asides, and truly off-beat and funny wild west characters. Author JP Mac makes good use of western imagery and, as in his other books, his wordplay is masterful. This story is a quick, easy read and is well-worth checking out."

No doubt, Roger E. stopped by my Amazon Page or went directly to Fifty Shades of Zane Grey, now available in ebook or environmentally friendly paper formats. (I'm not sure about that last part, but green sells, so here's hoping.)

Anne Toole Writing Away

This is not Anne Toole. This is a Marvel character called Scribe. But it seemed to tie-in.

While at a Comic-con party my agency throws every year, I ran into a young lady looking for an outlet to recharge her phone. Anne Toole writes comics, TV animation, video games, articles and, if necessary, Wanted Posters. Check out her blog Anne Toole, Writer. Subscribe to her blog. Leave a comment. I'll bet she writes something back. Such is her way.
Image: ianniehil

Little Book Cracks Amazon Top 100

The Little Book of Big Enlightenment has surged into the top one hundred mash-ups on the world's largest online bookseller. For those curious, a "mash-up" is a work written in . . . oh, heck, here's the Google definition:

 In the case of Little Book, we have the treacly musings of a New Age guru who is forced to share authorship of his book with a brash marketing copy writer. They swap snark, barbs and privileged information about one another as they inform you about the hottest thing to hit the New Age market since Deepak Chopra thongs: "condensed enlightenment."

But in the course of their squabbles something extraordinary happens that forces the guru to question his own beliefs.

A fun, fast, fictional read, The Little Book of Big Enlightenment will, my production manager wife willing, soon be out in durable SOFT COVER. That means a physical book suitable for killing moths or reading, though I would prefer reading. Nevertheless, I'm not going to dictate my methods for disposing of annoying insects. You chose. But if you must use a book, use the Little Book of Big Enlightenment.

Click here for mirth. 

Happy Roswell Day!

Ghost Theory

What did they find in Roswell, New Mexico 68 years ago? A weather balloon? A crashed alien vessel with bodies onboard that were dissected in secret? (The film of the operation was finally shown on Fox in the 90s) A series concept by alien authors, later translated and sold by the military to Hollywood, that became the X-Files? I want them all to be true. I want mystery, the unexpected. But, sadly, it was probably the stinking weather balloon.

think aboutit

Yet a Third July 4 Running Post

Twice in the last eight years I've run the Santa Clarita 5k on Independence Day. Back in 2007 it was sizzling hot. Three years later, the temperature was overcast and mild, excellent for short-distance running.

The 2010 event was the last time I ran a race of any kind. That's the way it rolls when your health turns on you like a beaten dog. However, for old times sake, I walked around the Rose Bowl yesterday. Not fast, not even brisk, just a walk. It's been a few years, but the place looks pretty much the same. It took me 48:35 seconds to complete three miles, a distance I haven't even attempted in three years.

Enough sniffling nostalgia. Back to writing. Happy July 4th USA.

Skynet Becomes Aware

First casualty in the war against the machines. An accident? That's what they say. A barrier protected the worker from the machine—ominous enough—but the man violated safety procedures. (Or so they would have us believe.) Now that Skynet has tasted blood, where will it end? As if we didn't have enough troubles.

reddit

h/t: Ace of Spades

Happy Canada Day!

With dominions, provinces, and a House of Commons, our northern neighbor proudly celebrates the Constitution Act of 1867 when three provinces were linked to form one country. Read more here. In honor of their day, I present The 48th Highlanders of Canada Pipes and Drums playing "The Maple Leaf Forever." (Incidentally, this is an excellent song to blast when the neighbor kids crank up the rap too loud.)

Deconstructing Dac Encanto's Poetry

Originally published right here over five years ago.

Designs by CK

(The following verse by truculent poet Dac Encanto appears in the University of California Press anthology, Surly Postmodern Poems for Pre-Retro People. "Deuce Moon" explores Encanto's almost pathological hatred for the moon, a leitmotif critics have called "lunar hatred" or, in German, Mondblindheit meaning "moon blindness." I shall perform a short deconstruction, but no insight has yet surfaced to explain this Mondblindheit. Encanto will only spit in contempt if you ask.)

Deuce Moon 

 by Dac Encanto 

Round and bright, 

idiot face, 

planet wannabe, 

taking up space, 

(Encanto's lunar works always refer to the moon as full. Once, on a Danish talk show, he was informed the moon appeared in phases and sometimes, not at all. Encanto grew confused and sarcastic, storming off the set, taking with him a pen and a coffee mug.)

 Dumb ass satellite, 

so uncool, 

on your dusty surface, 

I'd drop a stool, 

(The threat of public defecation appears in many of Encanto's works. This was not an idle threat or a metaphor — as Duke Professor Gale Bogminder has suggested. If properly disturbed, Encanto will mete out a pooey punishment regardless of location or circumstance. The 2006 panel incident at the UCLA Book Fair is the reason all subsequent poet panels have been required to keep mobile screens and drums of disinfectant at the ready. Bogminder knows this.)

 But I can't, 

(I'd die), 

You lucked out, 

No lie, G.I. 

(Encanto's poems are peppered with pidgin-english phrases often associated with Asian prostitutes such as "You Numba 10," and "Souvenir me carton of Salems, baby." Context often provides a hazy explanation. As to the moon having "lucked out," this refers to an incident at the height of Mondblindheit when Encanto tried bribing NASA to have the moon killed. All charges were eventually dropped. However, Encanto did serve jail time for an incident that took place in court involving the prosecutor's briefcase.)

Author Neil Ostroff on New Amazon Royalty Rules

Amazon.Com narrowly misses squashing a man. Topix

Amazon grips authors by the throat. Listen to mystery writer Neil Ostroff:

"As most authors now know Amazon is going to start paying [them] for the amount of pages read and not for each complete book. I'm not certain how I feel about this. One the plus side, it could free readers up to explore more books if they are only going to pay for it if they like it. On the negative, most casual readers never finish a book or do it over a long period of time. And how about if readers skip a section? What will it do to royalties?"

Excellent point. For instance, I read short fiction and often skim like a great aquatic bug, skipping stories hither and yon. This lets me read more genre fiction from unknown authors. But now, so it seems, Amazon will reap the sales, as always, and short change the authors all because I don't read every stinking page.

This is the problem with giantism, whether corporate or governmental. At some point, the behemoth simply acts as it pleases to increase profits or power and the little guy gets rolled.

Read the rest of Neil Ostroff's post at his blog Always Writing.


Note: My Norma Rae-like shot at giantism notwithstanding,  the above change only applies to Kindle Unlimited and the Lending Library bit of Amazon Prime. Read more at this place here.

Pig, Goat, Banana, Cricket, Paul Rugg

Image: NickALive

Traveling by train from California to our nation's capitol as if this were 1948, Paul Rugg relaxes in the club car as the July 18 premier of Pig, Goat, Banana, Cricket approaches on animated little feet. As mentioned, Paul voices the character of Cricket, a sensitive young creature who discovers that he has been chosen to be the PROMISED TWO—someone second in line behind the PROMISED ONE.  Or I could have this mixed up with my Vision Quest. Find out for yourselves on Nick at 10:30 Saturday mornings.

50 ZG Back in Kindle Top 100

50 Shades of Zane Grey once again cracks the century mark in Amazon Kindle for Humor Satire. I'm not sure how the softcover version fares but I'm pretty sure I've disposed of a couple. A few sales are just the 'attaboy' I need right now as I battle through the latest version of my comedy-horror book set in Lovecraft's Dunwich. 

Instapundit Plugs 50 Shades of Zane Grey

Thanks to Instapundit Glenn Reynolds for his thoughtful mention of my book.

Health and Publishing News

You never know what a prostate does until you don't have one. But my last two blood tests have returned cancer free and so I'm thankful and accept my glacial recovery. I can stretch a little and ride a stationary bike for exercise as I attempt to shrink my bloated weight. When you can't burn calories,  Ho-Hos are no-nos. 

Purchase today!

If you hate Kindles or Nooks or smart phone apps and pine for the days of crinkly paper in your hands, then rejoice! The Little Book of Big Enlightenment will soon be out in durable softcover. My estimate is sometime in the next sixty days. Thrill to the squabbles between a marketing hack and a New Age guru over the direction of this decade's hottest guide to spirituality. Imagine the envy of strangers as you proudly read a book that is your passport to the astounding insights of "condensed enlightenment." Gape at the villainy of Big Spirit and their truculent plans to keep you unenlightened. Coming soon with a new, even more obscure cover!

Video: Comic Jeff Lewis

A former improv comrade, Jeff Lewis cranked out a ton of five-minute comedy hours. Here's one on office dating.


h/t: 5minutehour

D Day Salute Video

Thank you American, British, and Canadian troops for your valor on June 6, 1944. Note the three "invasion stripes" on the wings of the aircraft.


h/t: unknownWW2inColor