Why You Should Review My Books

An Astoundingly Simple 3-Step Process 

A fair number of you have read my books. I know because you've told me in person or in emails or, in one unusual case, by bonded messenger. But the majority of you have not reviewed my books on Amazon. So far, my books are a waving hand far back in the upper rows of a crowded stadium. But that can change today provided you follow my simple three-step process:

First, visit my Amazon Author Page.

Second, select the book you have read, or perhaps, you would like to read. You may choose from:

A. Jury Doody - An excellent JP Mac starter essay detailing my experiences as a juror on a strange case of spousal abuse. Short and inexpensive; only in eBook.

B. The Little Book of Big Enlightenment - A fine fictional shredding of New Age religion and aggressive marketing as a guru and a Viagra salesman quarrel over the best way to sell "Condensed Enlightenment." Only in eBook.

C. Fifty Shades of Zane Grey - A parody of E.L. James mawkish tome set in the Old West. Young Anna Ironhead seeks love from railroad tycoon Lash Grey, but will she succumb
to Grey's bizarre eroticism that often acts involves rubber mittens and a cake. The sex is mostly implied, hardly any bad language, and the violence is cartoonish enough to take the sting out. Available in eBook and softcover.

Third, review the correct book.

Ah, but how? You've never reviewed anything. You're not an English major. Words escape you.

You could start by watching Yaasha Moriah's short video presentation on book reviewing for beginners:



Yassha writes speculative fiction, sci-fi, fantasy. Her video is well-lit and she speaks lucidly. In short order you'll learn how you need to identify the main character(s) and the conflict such as Jack and Jill needing to get up a hill, then leave the reader with a question on the main dramatic action. (Will Jack and Jill get up the hill?)

There are tips on listing pros and cons, alerting readers to potentially offensive content, and other simple-to-understand methods that'll have you first timers writing like pros in a heartbeat.

Why review my books? Well, once a book accrues over 50 reviews,  the algorithms kick in and your text shows up in all the right places on Amazon. Sales increase and I'll be able to afford a trainer to whip my big ass back into shape and avoid the heart attack that, by rights, should be parking out front of my life right now.

So give a watch. Review a book. Help make an overweight man healthy.  

Blogging Ten Years at Write Enough!

(Image: prweb)

 Writing, Running, Medical Woes, TV Animation and Books

(And lately, quite a bit on H.P. Lovecraft.)

Last Saturday, November 14, marked my decade anniversary. Back then I was training to run my first marathon with Team in Training. To add links, italics, etc. to your posts, you had to enter html code. 

Now I'm a fat blob with more medical conditions that a small hospital and have trouble shagging my big butt anywhere but the refrigerator. But no more html. 

In 2005, I really thought blogs were a fad and didn't want to piss away my work on an electronic screen that no one, beyond my wife and a few friends, would ever read. 

I was mostly right. This blog wandered from place to place, event to event, much like me. Often it went through long periods of neglect, months without even a comment to mark its webly presence.  I've only recently cracked 200k unique views. Regular posters have come and gone while blogs themselves today carry the whiff of a 56k modem. But I'm glad I started. 

Knowing that whatever I write may well be read instantly has made me more conscious of what and how I compose, more aware of what can be left out. In short, it's improved my craft and for that I am grateful.

So happy anniversary Write Enough!

One day, I'll type the last post.

And I'm hoping it has nothing to do with medical woes.

 

 

Woodrow Wilson: Future PC Non-Person

Going, going, gone from the public eye. (Image: Indigogo)

Ex-Pres May Join Lovecraft as Historically Scrubbed

This happened faster than I predicted.

According to NBC News, protesters have finally discovered Woodrow Wilson's racism. After a sit-in:

"President Eisgruber and two other Princeton leaders . . . agreed to a number of actions including a request to Princeton's board of trustees about removing Wilson's name from the Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs, as well as to survey students about removing the name.

The university leader[s] also agreed to initiate a request for the removal of a mural of Wilson from a school dining hall, to enhance cultural sensitivity training for faculty, and to establish rooms on campus for "cultural affinity groups.

The students also secured immunity for those who occupied the president's office."

Of course, no one is saying you can't study Woodrow Wilson, or Lovecraft, without a trigger warning.

Just yet.

"Begone, foul, unclean reporter of news." (Image: Shot in the Dark)

And while evidence runs against me, I'll venture that we are witnessing the high water mark of pc bludgeoning. Maybe it's wishful thinking. But I believe we are destined to be decent to one another and communicate without indexing discourse to the feelings of the most hypersensitive and intolerant.

It's folly to judge historic figures from a century ago by early 21st Century politically correct standards. PC will fade. In time, all the ist and phobic words will appear as clunky and obtuse as cyclopean lawn gnomes.

Speaking of discredited Lovecraft, I eagerly await a book by French author Michel Houellebecq. Entitled H.P. Lovecraft: Against the World, Against Life, this work examines H.P.'s writing and influences. According to Amazon reviewer Tom Rogers:

"Houellebecq focuses on the sources of inspiration for Lovecraft and their impact on his creations and his narrative style. He seeks to show that Lovecraft's distinct voice derives from his psychology and biography. Dreams, racism, a minimalist personality and a crippling bonanza of paranoias, delusions, and depression are the raw material for the analysis . . . ."

In addition, Rogers observes that:

"Houellebecq makes the point pretty thoroughly that images of racial pollution and degeneration power a lot of HPL's stories, but it's worth nothing that while the horror writer talked a good racial game, he didn't really walk the walk. He married a Jewish Ukrainian and worked briefly on a propaganda book for the Italian government. These represent three races he claimed to despise."

Ah, a complex human being. A shame the World Fantasy Award was uncomfortable with nuance.

Click on the book link above and scroll down to read all of Rogers' review. It's the top one.

h/t for NBC NEWS: Brietbart.com

Beta Reader Blues

Dan in a mysterious mood.    Image: Newstrack.ng

Why Can't They All Be Like Dan?

Dan is a speedy zephyr. Dan is a molecule of light, knifing through dark matter. Dan embodies all that is noble and fair in beta readers. Dan absorbs a 200 + page draft in a week—and provides notes. Are the other beta readers sluggish, poky? No. They are generous helpful souls aiding me in making my book better.

But there is only one Dan.

My health has been off-kilter the last three weeks, with minor colds, headaches, coupled with inertia and a drooping ennui, all garnished with mundane depression. I eat and sleep way too much. Since April, I've been focused on this novel. I've done paying work as necessary, but this horror-comedy text has commanded my passion in a way no other writing project has done in many a year.

When I finished on Nov. 2, I swore I would never attempt another novel.

I am outlining the next one now. This upcoming venture will be sci-fi and requires more research as it tells the tale of a resolute young man attempting to complete a simple task while avoiding death at the hands of scummy aliens and monstrous kaiju.

As to the Dunwich Diversity Seminar, I wrestle with a new title. Ideally, it would incorporate comedy, horror, H.P. Lovecraft, and pc professors. But that may be too much. I'll settle for unadorned horror as long as the image is compelling enough. So far, I've got:

Dunwich, Diversity and Death
The Lurker at the Faculty Meeting
Clash on Sentinel Hill
Hallowmass
Miskatonic Masscre

More will follow, or be suggested.

Have a robust weekend!

Lovecraft Out as Award Image

 

Easter Island statue in formal attire or ex-World Fantasy Award?

H.P. Banished by PC into Stygian Darkness 

Weird fiction author H.P. Lovecraft's image will no longer grace the statues presented at the World Fantasy Award. According to organizers, authors and readers lobbied to have Howard Phillips likeness removed because he was an "avowed racist" with "hideous opinions." As reported in The Guardian:

"Last year's winner, Sofia Samara, who took the best novel prize in 2014 for A Stranger in Olondria, raised the issue in her acceptance speech, saying that "I can't sit down without addressing the elephant in the room, which is the controversy surrounding the image that represents this award." She told her audience that it was "awkward to accept the award as a writer of colour," [but not out of space] and thanked the board for taking the issue seriously."

I always thought Woodrow Wilson was a fairly big racist. U.S. President during Lovecraft's life, Wilson re-segregated the civil service and informed blacks that "segregation was a blessing." But he never wrote weird fiction and there are no award statues named after him, just high schools and bridges and the Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs, and the hundred thousand dollar bill.

In time, he will offend and his name will be removed.

Perhaps by the light of a gibbous moon. 

Lovecraft Horror Book Draft Done

Image: Arctic-Andy

Dunwich Diversity Seminar Ready for Beta Buddies

Since my last update back in August, I have trimmed the manuscript to a more manageable size, suitable for the eyes of discerning readers. This tale of a party girl grad student who realizes she's the only one capable of saving earth from Lovecraftian monstrosities has fastened onto my subconscious with lamprey-like tenacity. For the last nine days, I've done little but edit pages. (I did eat meals and washed periodically.) But enough fiddling with this update of Lovecraft's The Dunwich Horror. Away with this clash between the politically correct and a sinister warlock; off to the discerning toward the end of the week.

For the detail-minded, I cut 20 chapters down to 16; 304 pages to 216; and 99,386 words to 69,986. (I lopped off my funny, Lovecraft allusion-filled epilogue because it was anti-climatic.) This latest count doesn't include the, as yet, unwritten front and back matter.

And, as some may note, no Halloween release. As it stands now, I'll release the eBook version by Christmas and the soft cover shortly thereafter.

But for today, I will merely say, "Boy, am I happy to be finished."

H.P. Lovecraft Tips on Weird Fiction

Lovecraft is top left. His agent is bottom right.

Five Ways to Structure Your Horror, Sci-Fi, Fantasy Story

Who would know better? In addition to gracing the pages of Weird Tales with weird tales, Howard Phillip Lovecraft was a letter-crafting dynamo and would expound at length on the process of writing. For instance, H.P. opines on what elements go into fantastic fiction:

"The true weird tale has something more than secret murder, bloody bones, or a sheeted form clanking chains according to rule. A certain atmosphere of breathless and unexplainable dread of outer, unknown forces must be present; and there must be a hint, expressed with a seriousness and portentousness becoming its subject, of that most terrible conception of the human brain—a malign and particular suspension or defeat of those fixed laws of Nature which are our only safeguard against the assaults of chaos and the daemons of unplumbed space."

Over at Open Culture, Josh Jones lays out a quintet of Lovecraftian tips that will aid in your outre scribblings. May all your moons be gibbous.

Write to the Limit

Groggy, weary, punchy, zapped. Since April I have written 304 pages and 99,386 words on the Dunwich Diversity Seminar. As mentioned, I have floundered in the horse latitudes on this book, abandoning my failed outline, and compelled to write fresh new chapters where the old ones no longer held purchase. Now I find I must add gleaming new chapters to the opening to make the later new chapters sing.

But the toughest section is complete. I sense story cuts in my future, but it's all fine tuning from here on out. Will I reach a Halloween release? Tough to say. My paying job demands my full attention now and much more in the coming weeks.

That said, I'd rather have the story right, then meet a deadline with less than my best.

Weekend guests arrive at the Innsmouth Quality Inn. 

50ZG Now in Diesel, A Bookstore

No typo. Singular. Bookstore. One. For Now. The insightful crew at Diesel, A Bookstore has on hand two copies of Fifty Shades of Zane Grey. Located in oft-filmed Brentwood, Diesel is an independent bookseller, one of the few remaining. You don't last in that business unless you know what your customers crave print wise. They've been around since 1989. How many of you can say the same?  Below are the store particulars, lifted directly from the Brentwood Country Mart (small mall) website:

So if you're out and about in Brentwood (or Santa Monica, California), do consider stopping by and picking up at least one of my durable soft cover books lampooning the work of Fifty Shades author E.L. James.  Enjoy romance, laughs, and learn what it's like to live with an Inner Canadian Goose. Or browse the shelves for works by Diesel favorites such as Don Winslow, author of The Cartel.

If nothing else, do mention the presence of my book to your Southern California friends and relatives. In between surfing sets, they might seek the comfort of the written word before returning to the mighty Pacific.

Story Prompt: Art Helping Art

Here's a tool I've used in the past to help generate story ideas. I fill a sheet of paper with whatever thoughts arise, using different colored pencils, starting at various spots on the page and not censoring anything. This prompts my subconscious to cough up helpful story facets. There is, however, a tendency to fill the page with "redrum," but therapy and an ankle bracelet help keep that in check.

A repost from April 26, 2009. Haven't used this in awhile. I'm keen to give it another try.

Author Neil Ostroff on New Amazon Royalty Rules

Amazon.Com narrowly misses squashing a man. Topix

Amazon grips authors by the throat. Listen to mystery writer Neil Ostroff:

"As most authors now know Amazon is going to start paying [them] for the amount of pages read and not for each complete book. I'm not certain how I feel about this. One the plus side, it could free readers up to explore more books if they are only going to pay for it if they like it. On the negative, most casual readers never finish a book or do it over a long period of time. And how about if readers skip a section? What will it do to royalties?"

Excellent point. For instance, I read short fiction and often skim like a great aquatic bug, skipping stories hither and yon. This lets me read more genre fiction from unknown authors. But now, so it seems, Amazon will reap the sales, as always, and short change the authors all because I don't read every stinking page.

This is the problem with giantism, whether corporate or governmental. At some point, the behemoth simply acts as it pleases to increase profits or power and the little guy gets rolled.

Read the rest of Neil Ostroff's post at his blog Always Writing.


Note: My Norma Rae-like shot at giantism notwithstanding,  the above change only applies to Kindle Unlimited and the Lending Library bit of Amazon Prime. Read more at this place here.

Writing Blues

Disclosure

Bad case on this overcast May morning. My Dunwich book beckons but it's reached a point of maddening difficulty and I want to scarp it for a new writing project. I dread something new - fresh and filled with possibilities. A disguise for surrender in all its humiliation. I have banker's boxes full of writing starts, not so many finishes. Nothing will come easy this morning. Today must be the writing equivalent of the  Bataan Death March, where escape is an illusion and the Japanese will bayonet me for falling out. Let's see how much I finish now. (Though I wish the Japanese would be quiet and let me work and stop oooing over my Batman animation cells. But if I say anything, they yell and threaten. Would they bring me coffee? Probably not. My only Japanese is "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.")

Genealogy Writing Tools

Paul Mudie

Finished a 7D script. A small marketing assignment is all that stands between me and my Dunwich book. Since much of the backstory will be a continuation of the original Dunwich Horror, I find myself veering off to build the genealogies of Professor Henry Armitage and his peers. This is because one of his descendants, a grad student party gal, will end up deciding the fate of Earth.

On their website, the Social Security Administration allows you to peek back in time at the most popular baby names of different decades. John and Mary were tops back in the 1880s. Noah and Sophia ruled the roost in 2013. Since names change like fashions, it's a handy tool.

As for family tree construction, I'm using the My Heritage Family Tree Builder. A free download, it's helping me manage a growing thicket of fictional relatives.

And a fine Sunday to you all.

TV Animation Blues

The Grindstone

And softcover book blues and marketing copy blues. After months of underemployment, I've been barraged with assignments from multiple sources for the last forty days. Seven day work weeks, deadline after deadline. Marketing pays quickly. TV Animation pays on geological time. eBooks don't pay much after you cycle through family and friends.

50ZG softcover books were ordered by a client who fronted money to cover costs. But the deadline from zero to a one-hundred and seventy-four page manuscript is razor thin with no room for error.

My wife sits in our living room now cursing up a storm as she attempts to check the design on the book. We decided to tack on the first chapter of The Dunwich Diversity Seminar, my next tome coming out in eBook and softcover in time for Halloween. It's the Lovecraftian story of a monstrous cult seeking to unleash horrid creatures from another dimension and the only one who can save the Earth is a grad student party girl.

Now I've wasted time writing a complaining blog post. Back in.

Do You Hate 50 Shades?

My '50 Shades' satire punches the lights out of E.L. James' clunky, cliched prose as well as mocking her homage to rich stalkers. Set in the old west, Fifty Shades of Zane Grey lampoons the blockbuster  trilogy that led to a blockbuster movie telling the tale of a lip-biting young woman who battles a bad case of murmuring, a railroad tycoon who wants to beat her, and an Inner Canadian Goose pecking at the inside of her head at the most inappropriate times.

STRIKE BACK AT E.L. JAMES

You've expressed your outrage via Amazon reviews. You've scratched your head in bewilderment at friends dashing off to see the film. You've threatened your own daughters with a phoneless future if they even think of reading James' turgid prose—basically Twilight fan fic: substitute rich guy for vampire and you got Fifty Shades. (Except there's no Indian werewolves, but there is a sap who loves the main chick and gives new meaning to dorky unrequited love.)

KINDLE COUNTDOWN

Your moment has arrived to read the one parody that dares mock the 50 Shades colossus for only $3.99. And starting next week you can enjoy the laughs and save 76% off the eBook price. No Kindle, no problem. Amazon WANTS you to buy my book and will provide you with an easy-to-install app that allows reading on your computer, laptop, Apple Watch, whatevs. Lo, the time of savings draws near:

Starting Fri. March 20 8:00 AM Pacific Time to

Sun. March 21 1:00 PM pay only .99. That's less than a dollar for a parody powerhouse guaranteed to put a smile on your unbitten lips.

Sun. March 22 1:00 PM to

Wed. March 24 6:00 PM save 51% and pay only $1.99. That's two bucks for an eBook taking the lumber to head-cocking, and bag out tea. 

Wed. March 24 6:00 PM to

Fri. March 27 midnight you still save 26%, paying a mere $2.99. That's three bucks for a tale proving that love is not easy, especially when you end up wearing a mule harness. 

Mark your calendar. Even if you don't take advantage of this amazing discount, mark your calendar anyway. It's fun and beefs up your fine motor skills. 

Join the growing tide of Anti 50 Shaders. Read Fifty Shades of Zane Grey and bask in the satisfaction that you were right and all those who loved the book were higher than old hippies in Colorado. 

Have fun!  

Image: I Hate 50 Shades of Grey

50ZG eBook Promo

Despite no interest from Hollywood, Fifty Shades of Zane Grey will be advertised tonight on the silver screen. Only one silver screen and it's in Barrington, Illinois. But from the smallest of cells life multiplied and flourished upon the Earth. Many thanks to Tim O'Connor, owner of The Catlow Movie Theater and an old high school chum. Tim crafted a nifty 15 second promo that he'll show before tonight's feature. It's almost like a film debut, except there's no movie. But haggling over details gets us nowhere. Here's what the promo will look like.

T.C. Boyle Aces Award

Author T. Coraghessian Boyle stands to snag a Los Angeles Times Book Award. According to USC:

"Boyle, writer in residence and distinguished professor emeritus of English at the USC Dornslife College of Letters, Arts, and Sciences, will receive the Robert Kirsch Award for Lifetime Achievement. His books include The Woman, Drop City, The Tortilla Curtain, East is East, and The Road to Wellville. 


Read more here. 

Boyle was my creative writing mentor at USC. Four times a semester one of your short stories would be selected for review and discussion by the class.

How T.C. Boyle Ran a Class

As an author, you had to sit there and take-it, Boyle's reasoning being that you wouldn't be hanging around a magazine or book editor's office explaining what you meant. The piece stood on it's own merits. If it didn't have any, it fell. With a wit drier than a Santa Ana wind, he would moderate the discussions, limit the undergrad snark, and try and draw out from the class what he discerned as the story's strong and weak points. Post-discussion, you would receive Boyle's written critique on the back of your pages as well as a letter grade. Spelling and punctuation counted. This was pre-texting, so university students could still spell—most of them. 

Boyle's Picks and World's End

When we weren't writing or reading other classmate stories, we read the fiction Boyle assigned. Not his own, though many of us went out and bought Budding Prospects or Greasy Lake. He introduced us to authors such as Raymond Carver and Flannery O'Connor. Carver's short story "Cathedral" still resonates as does O'Connor's "A Good Man is Hard to Find."At the time, Boyle was doing research for World's End and would tell us after class of visiting amputee wards. At the time, it seemed pretty gruesome. But when you read the book, you can see how his research lends itself to the story.

The Killing Fields and T.C. Boyle 

I was to see plenty of amputees fifteen years later when I traveled to Cambodia for a project with Warner Bros., the State Department, and USAID. (An adventure I will write about eventually.) My companions and I visited a killing field outside of Phnom Penh. Around 15,000 people were killed there by the communist Khmer Rouge in the 1970s: shot, strangled, buried alive, or with their heads sawed off on the serrated branches of sugar palms. There are bones embedded in trees, bones baked into the ground. Around this former orchard, there are mass graves still to be exhumed. And in case you haven't absorbed enough genocide, there is a stupa—Buddhist shrine—containing five thousand skulls. That was a fairly depressing tour, more darkly numbing than visiting the U.S. Postal Museum. Naturally, the killing fields had their own gift shop. You could buy old Khmer Rouge currency, a selection of Red Stars and a small number of books. 

One of those books was World's End—in German. 

I thought, 'you gotta be kidding me,' but then figured why not Boyle? I laughed and wished I could tell him. I think he would've dug a most surreal moment. 

In any case, his class was my favorite, the high point of my scholastic week. I congratulate Professor Boyle on his latest award and wish him well on the next book. And remember to look alive in the Third World—Boyle is everywhere. 

Paul Rugg on 50ZG

Over at Froynlaven, Paul Rugg has a few thoughts on 50 Shades, plus complimentary things to say about my version: Fifty Shades of Zane Grey plus musings on contemporary romance and alternatives to the film version of 50 Shades. Give it a fine read.

50ZG Launches!

A different kind of romance. 

At last, Amazon pulls the lever, opens the door, throws the switch, kicks the Kraken in the buns, or whatever it is they do, and put up Fifty Shades of Zane Grey. In Kindle eBook format, my parody of E.L. James' steamy best-seller is ready for the reading public. Is it steamy? Not really. It's pretty PG. I didn't think I could top professional steamy writers, let alone the astounding variations you find on the Web. But I can make fun of E.L. James' writing style and have in time for Friday's release of the movie.

So, back to work on TV animation. But I leave you with the words of Napoleon:

"Victory belongs to the most persevering. It also belongs to tall people whom I hate. Victory would be better if it only belonged to persistent shorties like me. But you can't have everything and that's precisely what I want. I'm going to Russia now."

"In Review" Plus 12

telltalegames

During the Second World War, men served in the armed forces for the duration plus six months. That meant you were "in the army now" for the entire war plus six additional months there after. (Hell of a note if we'd lost. In fact, we won and soldiers weren't too crazy about it.) This is where I roughly sit regarding the publication of Fifty Shades of Zane Grey. According to an Amazon email from this morning, being "in review" lasts for an indeterminate amount of time followed by twelve hours of technical this 'n that.

Amazon estimated another two days to publication.

On my author page it clearly states that review AND technical this 'n that comes out to twelve hours total. (Naturally, they hedge by taking it all back in the next sentence, but that's probably the legal department.) Up to this point, Amazon has loaded my last two eBooks on their site within the now-fuzzy twelve hour window.

It's not like my book is some whopping 1,400 page Stephen King novel, or a four-volume history of maritime law. It's a hundred and four page parody. That's it. Does it really take five days to vet the thing?

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet . . . unless you're trying to publish on Amazon.com. Then go open a Lyceum."

—Aristotle