50 ZG Back in Kindle Top 100

50 Shades of Zane Grey once again cracks the century mark in Amazon Kindle for Humor Satire. I'm not sure how the softcover version fares but I'm pretty sure I've disposed of a couple. A few sales are just the 'attaboy' I need right now as I battle through the latest version of my comedy-horror book set in Lovecraft's Dunwich. 

Prices Slashed for 50ZG

Snag a copy of Fifty Shades of Zane Grey this Friday, Saturday and Sunday morning and save 76%. Yes, it's March Mayhem here and I must use or lose my Kindle Countdown, so why not now? I'm giving away this arch satire of 'Fifty Shades' for ninety-nine cents. That's under a buck for an eye-brow quirking eBook parody of E.L. James set in the wild west. You don't need to know the original story and you don't need a Kindle. Clever Amazon offers a simple downloadable app that'll allow you to read the romantic frontier tales of innocent bumbling Anna Ironhead on your laptop, phone or tablet.

Kindle Countdown Savings

This Kindle Countdown discount continues all week through March 27. Here's the breakdown:

Fri. March 20 8:00 AM Pacific Time to Sun. March 21 1:00 PM 

Save 76% as you pay only .99. That's less than a dollar for a parody powerhouse guaranteed to put a smile on your unbitten lips.

Sun. March 22 1:00 PM to Wed. March 24 6:00 PM

You still save 51% and pay only $1.99. That's two bucks for an eBook taking the lumber to head-cocking, and bag out tea. 

Wed. March 24 6:00 PM to Fri. March 27 midnight 

You're still in line for a bargain. Save 26%, paying a mere $2.99. That's three bucks for a tale proving that love can be painful, especially if wearing a mule harness.

Softcover Book Coming Soon

Old school books are still king. If you prefer the feel of durable paper in your hands as you read of the romance between a railroad tycoon and a hapless dishwasher, then stand by for the softcover book release coming Friday, April 3. For more information, keep an eye on this blog, the 50ZG page, or drop me a line at jpmac@hushmail.com

Thank you and enjoy yourself this weekend in such manner as you find suitable. 

Image: Baraboo Public Library

Do You Hate 50 Shades?

My '50 Shades' satire punches the lights out of E.L. James' clunky, cliched prose as well as mocking her homage to rich stalkers. Set in the old west, Fifty Shades of Zane Grey lampoons the blockbuster  trilogy that led to a blockbuster movie telling the tale of a lip-biting young woman who battles a bad case of murmuring, a railroad tycoon who wants to beat her, and an Inner Canadian Goose pecking at the inside of her head at the most inappropriate times.

STRIKE BACK AT E.L. JAMES

You've expressed your outrage via Amazon reviews. You've scratched your head in bewilderment at friends dashing off to see the film. You've threatened your own daughters with a phoneless future if they even think of reading James' turgid prose—basically Twilight fan fic: substitute rich guy for vampire and you got Fifty Shades. (Except there's no Indian werewolves, but there is a sap who loves the main chick and gives new meaning to dorky unrequited love.)

KINDLE COUNTDOWN

Your moment has arrived to read the one parody that dares mock the 50 Shades colossus for only $3.99. And starting next week you can enjoy the laughs and save 76% off the eBook price. No Kindle, no problem. Amazon WANTS you to buy my book and will provide you with an easy-to-install app that allows reading on your computer, laptop, Apple Watch, whatevs. Lo, the time of savings draws near:

Starting Fri. March 20 8:00 AM Pacific Time to

Sun. March 21 1:00 PM pay only .99. That's less than a dollar for a parody powerhouse guaranteed to put a smile on your unbitten lips.

Sun. March 22 1:00 PM to

Wed. March 24 6:00 PM save 51% and pay only $1.99. That's two bucks for an eBook taking the lumber to head-cocking, and bag out tea. 

Wed. March 24 6:00 PM to

Fri. March 27 midnight you still save 26%, paying a mere $2.99. That's three bucks for a tale proving that love is not easy, especially when you end up wearing a mule harness. 

Mark your calendar. Even if you don't take advantage of this amazing discount, mark your calendar anyway. It's fun and beefs up your fine motor skills. 

Join the growing tide of Anti 50 Shaders. Read Fifty Shades of Zane Grey and bask in the satisfaction that you were right and all those who loved the book were higher than old hippies in Colorado. 

Have fun!  

Image: I Hate 50 Shades of Grey

50ZG eBook Promo

Despite no interest from Hollywood, Fifty Shades of Zane Grey will be advertised tonight on the silver screen. Only one silver screen and it's in Barrington, Illinois. But from the smallest of cells life multiplied and flourished upon the Earth. Many thanks to Tim O'Connor, owner of The Catlow Movie Theater and an old high school chum. Tim crafted a nifty 15 second promo that he'll show before tonight's feature. It's almost like a film debut, except there's no movie. But haggling over details gets us nowhere. Here's what the promo will look like.

Joe Leahy Promos 50ZG

The silver-tongued Mr. Leahy.

Voice actor ace Joe Leahy has elected to promote Fifty Shades of Zane Grey on Google + and Twitter:
Congrats +John P. McCann  #books   #authors   #googlepluscommunity   #googlepluscircleshare   #amazondeals   #fiftyshadesofgrey  

A real pro, Joe was a blast to work with on Freakazoid! and I appreciate his support.

Over at the blog Protein Wisdom, Darleen Glick compares the book to Spinal Tap—high praise, indeed—and writes:

"So I bring to your attention a delicious little parody via Amazon called Fifty Shades of Zane Grey. An inspired mash-up of soft-core bondage porn and purple-prosed westerns."

Amazon reader Jim Wright included in his review:

"If you like The Funny, JP Mac brings it. I laughed several times per page. If you have a taste for good Bad Writing, this is a feast."

Thank you Joe, Darleen and Jim.

With the success of the film, I'm liking the shelf life of anything lampooning "Fifty Shades."

Image: twiki

50ZG #9 in Hot New Satire Releases

Fifty Shades of Zane Grey is on the move not only in satire, but also:

Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #12,420 in Kindle Store

50ZG #13 In Amazon Hot New Releases

At least for this hour.

Humor and satire is a tough category. My book is in there with Kurt Vonnegut, Mark Twain, Voltaire. But maybe the thinking should be: they're in there with JP Mac. Nevertheless, a fine spot to hold on the day before the 50 Shades film release.

Thanks to Instapundit for the link.

More as the saga unfolds.

Paul Rugg on 50ZG

Over at Froynlaven, Paul Rugg has a few thoughts on 50 Shades, plus complimentary things to say about my version: Fifty Shades of Zane Grey plus musings on contemporary romance and alternatives to the film version of 50 Shades. Give it a fine read.

50ZG Launches!

A different kind of romance. 

At last, Amazon pulls the lever, opens the door, throws the switch, kicks the Kraken in the buns, or whatever it is they do, and put up Fifty Shades of Zane Grey. In Kindle eBook format, my parody of E.L. James' steamy best-seller is ready for the reading public. Is it steamy? Not really. It's pretty PG. I didn't think I could top professional steamy writers, let alone the astounding variations you find on the Web. But I can make fun of E.L. James' writing style and have in time for Friday's release of the movie.

So, back to work on TV animation. But I leave you with the words of Napoleon:

"Victory belongs to the most persevering. It also belongs to tall people whom I hate. Victory would be better if it only belonged to persistent shorties like me. But you can't have everything and that's precisely what I want. I'm going to Russia now."

"In Review" Plus 12

telltalegames

During the Second World War, men served in the armed forces for the duration plus six months. That meant you were "in the army now" for the entire war plus six additional months there after. (Hell of a note if we'd lost. In fact, we won and soldiers weren't too crazy about it.) This is where I roughly sit regarding the publication of Fifty Shades of Zane Grey. According to an Amazon email from this morning, being "in review" lasts for an indeterminate amount of time followed by twelve hours of technical this 'n that.

Amazon estimated another two days to publication.

On my author page it clearly states that review AND technical this 'n that comes out to twelve hours total. (Naturally, they hedge by taking it all back in the next sentence, but that's probably the legal department.) Up to this point, Amazon has loaded my last two eBooks on their site within the now-fuzzy twelve hour window.

It's not like my book is some whopping 1,400 page Stephen King novel, or a four-volume history of maritime law. It's a hundred and four page parody. That's it. Does it really take five days to vet the thing?

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet . . . unless you're trying to publish on Amazon.com. Then go open a Lyceum."

—Aristotle 

Hour 28 "In Review" and Auden

Boy, are you ever. 

Amazon really porked me on this one. All the promos I set up for today are shot. Now on to what? Weekends are peak Kindle sales and they'll probably still be farting around well into Saturday. This is a rare moment when I'm glutted with paying gigs—a marketing deadline tomorrow morning and animation deadlines on Monday, Tuesday with another marketing deadline on Wednesday. I'd counted on having the eBook up and running, but now it will arrive in the midst of everything else.

"About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or just
walking dully along;"

—Musee des Beaux Arts
W.H. Auden

Gilbert Gottfried Reads '50 Shades'

h/t: Jest-What's Funny Today

Meanwhile, I'm stuck "in review," awaiting Amazon to approve my parody eBook. This is the most pre-publicity I've done on a launch and now Amazon hangs me up. Come on, guys. Set it free.

Kardashian Luvs '50 Shades'

A private film screening. A celebrity. An opinion. And that opinion is 'So hot!' Thus does Kim Kardashian pronounce her thoughts on the screen version of Fifty Shades of Grey. Click on the link and see the new trailer.

Tomorrow Fifty Shades of Zane Grey, my E.L. James parody set in the Old West, goes live on Amazon.com, also available on my Amazon author page. There will be lip biting, murmuring, and raids by the Sioux.

Below Will Ferrell and Zack Galifianakis take a shot at reading the best-selling, erotic novel bound for the big screen next Friday.

h/t: S T Media 

Friends in Hell Podcast Plus

Today at 4:30 PM Pacific Time, I will again be chatting with podcaster Kevinn Gomez. I have no idea what he'll ask, but I shall answer in some fashion and off we go.

TV animation writing has picked up. I have an assignment for Thomas Edison's Secret Lab and await a premise for Tom Ruegger on 7D.

Chapters from 50 Shades of Zane Grey are arriving hot off the copy editor's screen. We're looking at a launch next Friday, Feb. 6 at Amazon Kindle. So break out your e readers and stand by. I'll post a link to the book page as soon as Amazon vets my version. Or you can always check out my Amazon Author page.

Be chipper in all your tasks this day.

Thomas Edison's Secret Lab and friends. More info at kidscreen.

50ZG Almost Finished

Thanks to beta reader Ken for pointing out the stinking obvious: my parody of 50 Shades had morphed into two books. There was the straight ahead mocking of the 50 Shades protagonist and author E. L. James clunky, trite writing style. Then there was an old west story of corruption, ineptitude, and arrogance centered around a newspaper, a railroad and an Indian uprising that featured drama, action, betrayal, but few laughs.

I'm better now. I have culled out the 50 Shades material and am polishing it up for release in two weeks. Today that's a bit over 30,000 words or 100 pages. No soft cover. Ebook only.

But I'm keeping all the old west stuff because it could easily be a separate book. Friend and fellow bibliophile Dan lent me Cormac McCarthy's Blood Meridian. I don't know if that's the right model, but I'm taking a look at a few contemporary westerns to see how authors are tackling the genre now days. Of course, there are the old standbys such as Louis L'Amour and early Elmore Leonard.

Come Friday, January 30, I return to podcast Friends in Hell with host Kevinn Gomez. We will discuss—I don't know—50 Shades of Zane Grey, TV animation, my recent health issues, and whatever else strikes our fancy. More updates here on this very blog.

Rough Edges

Medical Billing Muck + 50ZG Update

Ah, the rich life of poor health.

Take this prescription to your pharmacy, go back for a refill, get charged full price, call the health insurance, wither on a phone tree, be shunted to dead ends, check their web site and learn there's no way to ask a question that isn't in the FAQ. Call back, dangle like a Christmas ornament on the phone tree, finally learn that you must obtain a document from your doctor to get a refill on medication. Punt to the doctor's insurance team. They must have a nurse sign off on the request. Check back and learn the nurse has placed said request in the pipeline. Ten days later receive an OK from the insurance.

This is what I face in the morning before writing a single word.

Okay, on to '50 Shades.' With less than a month to go, I have the home stretch in sight. Beta readers are devouring the early chapters. But a big tubby question remains:

Will readers care for a book mocking a best-seller if they aren't familiar with the original?

And who in the name of triangular crackers is Zane Grey?

My wife suggested I write a forward, explain that Grey, King of Western Sagas, wrote last century and left behind an experimental novel exploring psychological disorders, sexual awakening and Indian attacks set in the Old West. I have obtained a copy and ask the reader to note the similarities between this book and E. L. James' 50 Shades of Grey trilogy.

Might be too many elements piled too high for the casual reader.

However, I'm pressing on because it will be my first completed fiction novel. Like any parent, I love my child, even the misshapen ugly ones.

Here's my latest salute to 50 Shades.


h/t: Movieclips