Marvels Pitch Meeting Restarts the Sun

A bit dated, but worth a peek. I love this comic and his inane writer/Hollywood exec. characters. Watch the writer sell the exec. the klunky plot in Disney's The Marvels.

 

Pitch Meeting

When Shriners Attack v.3

 

(Every seven years or so, I like to repost this nugget from an earlier time.)

From two years ago, this is a slightly augmented version of my last—to date—offering from the Slush Pile.
 
(Here is the third edition of Tales From The Hollywood Slush Pile exploring the quarter million unsolicited screenplays that perish each year, passed over and forgotten along with their authors. This week we examine a work that sought to explore the depths of paranoia, but just didn't.)

“Dawn and a small Oregon town sleeps deeply like a sloppy drunk on New Year’s day. Suddenly the early morning peace is split by the sound of many tiny engines. 

Then they appear. 

A young women out jogging is the first to see them, riding out of the mist. She screams a forlorn scream of terror and despair and a darker emotion too primal to name but sometimes heard in Costco. 

But it is too late. 

They are many. 

They are Shriners. 

And they have come to rule.” 

Image: betterphoto.com

 
The above passage was taken from an outline prepared by Lisa Manly-Guam. Author of the screenplay, They Came in Little Cars, (originally titled Mark of the Fez). Manly-Guam was a 24-year-old activist from Salem, Oregon. Other than writing this cryptic photo play, she remains a cipher. All we know for certain is that Lisa believed passionately in odd things.

One of her outré fears involved a patriarchal coup undertaken by the Shriners, an offshoot of the Masons. Formed as a fraternal order in 1870, the Ancient Arabic Order of the Nobles of the Mystic Shrine, or Shriners, are noted for charitable works, wearing silly hats and riding little cars in parades. In Manly-Guam’s opus, they are the hidden hand behind the world’s ills, infiltrating politics and banking; biding their time, tugging strings from the shadows.

And then one day they strike.

 In her 1997 tale, the small town of Pine Head, Oregon is overrun by a Shriner horde. Shocked citizens cannot escape and must endure a reign of enforced fun. Our protagonist is the same jogger from the outline, Jenny Loam. In the wake of invasion, she find herself isolated as her parents and siblings embrace the Shriner ethos of good times and service. Loam stays silent, outwardly complying, even joining a Shriner women’s auxiliary, the Daughters of the Nile.

But inwardly, she vows to throw off the Shriner yoke.

Eventually Loam forms a guerrilla band, obtains automatic weapons and ambushes the Shriners at their weekly parade. Steel-jacked slugs riddle the invaders. Little cars crash, bursting into little flames. The Shriners attempt to fight back, hurling water balloons, but they are cut down like bunch grass. The film ends on a close shot of a bloody fez.

Registered with the Writers Guild of America West, Manley-Guam's screenplay landed at Sun Nova Pictures, a small independent production company. The coverage was puzzled.

      “The Shriner Menace failed to deliver. They came across as goofy but benign.”

     “Didn’t the Shriners build a hospital in Pine Head? Killing them sends a mixed message.”
       
     “Perhaps the story would make more sense if Jenny’s parents were maimed by a little car.”

Out of the slush pile and into the wastebasket.

No more is know about the subsequent life of Lisa Manly-Guam and her Shrinerphobic epic. She remains anonymous. But that happens. Unknown authors are as common in this town as…well…unknown screenplays.

But now a lost tale has finally been told.

Free Republic

 

Making Fun of TikTok

A trio of shorts poking fun at that social media magnet for the disturbed: TikTok.

Jest Videos

 

Top 3 Visualizations for Dogs

Do Dogs Crave Calm?

View and learn. 

John P. McCann Channel

Why Cats Make Terrible Secret Agents

 

Jest Videos

Epic Gift-Wrapping Fail

 Not everything goes smoothly over the holiday season. A smple gift-wrapping can turn into a chore if approached with the wrong mindset.

John P. McCann Channel

TikTokers React to Pearl Harbor

Educated by the dim, today's youth respond to the 82th anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

 

Jest Videos

Tasteless TikTok Take on Osama Bin Laden

 TikTok: Where the Abnormal Relax

Ah, TikTok, the 21st Century home for hostile odd people. In keeping with their standards, TikTokers have recently discovered a new crush: Osama Bin Ladin. Why the architect of the 911 attacks is now viewed as cool will be discussed by future historians—I hope.

Jest Videos

George Orwell Poem on Puppies and Teddy Bears

 

More fun with AI as George Orwell pens some verse on the topic of fun fluffy things.

Ciinnamon-Stars Deviant Art

Long Live Stuffed Brother!

In the land of innocence and plush delight,

Where fluffy tyrants rule with all their might,

Puppies and teddy bears, a surreal sight,

In a world of propaganda, we'll now recite.

 

The puppies, round and soft, so sweet and pure,

But in their eyes, a watchful, secret lure.

Their fluffy paws, a grip so firm and sure,

They play the part, but motives are obscure.

 

Teddy bears, with button eyes, so sly,

In the arms of children, they comply.

A symbol of comfort, as we imply,

But who's the master in this wicked lie?

 

In this utopia of cuddles and play,

The puppies and bears have a role to convey.

They're tools of control, in a subtle way,

As innocence withers, and freedoms decay.

 

They listen in silence, these loyal spies,

Gathering secrets, with their woolly guise.

Whispered confessions, each baby's cries,

In the name of safety, liberty dies.

 

Big Brother watches, through the guise of fluff,

Tracking our lives, and it's more than enough.

As we hug our teddies, and play with our pups,

The surveillance state only tightens its cuffs.

 

So remember, my friends, in this tale so grim,

The cute and the cuddly, it's all a scheme.

In the spirit of Orwell, let's not be dim,

For the truth lies hidden, in this puppy dream.

—ChatGPT

The Dark Knight's Gloomy Day

 

Even our heroes experience time in the dumps.

John P. McCann Channel

Winnie the Pooh Must Die!

Oh, Pooh

Beloved denizen of the Hundred Acre Wood faces off against unknown toughies

 who later reflect on their deeds.

 

John P. McCann Channel

Hundred Acre-Holocaust Video

 The Fruits of Bad Diplomacy

Hopefully, Pooh and friends went underground with many honey pots. (Today was also a bad day for the Order of the Templars.) 

John P. McCann Channel

How Far Would You Go to Be Diverse?

 More HR mirth from comic Ryan Long.

Ryan Long

Machete Film Review from Back-in-the-Day

 A Reprint From a More Innocent Time

A 13-year-old post from the days when I reviewed films I'd never seen.

 

A breathtaking film, Machete is director Robert Rodriguez homage to beloved children’s tale Charlotte’s Web. Set in the southwest, the film employs the subtle storytelling and layered characterizations that have built Rodriguez’s reputation as the David Lean of Texas. Teen heartthrob Danny Trejo portrays Machete, a blade-packing, Wilbur-like character. Forced to move about like a runt pig in order to remain alive, Machete lives on the allegorical chopping block. In a deft choice, Rodriguez crafts a web of racism and corruption that only Machete can slice. Rotten Senator McLaughlin (Robert DeNiro) is the anti-Charlotte. He is assisted by Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey), a hate-filled businessman who kills illegal immigrants and grinds their bones into bone powder. But Machete has his own Templeton the Rat—Shé (Rebecca Rodriguez). Shé is a taco-truck driving revolutionary who hopes to reclaim Texas for Mexico. Once back in the right hands, Texas will be transformed into a paradise, modeled after the Swiss-like order and civic honesty of Tijuana. Rich with themes of loyalty and undying friendship, Machete, not surprisingly, includes a scene at the Texas State Fair. There, Machete wins a blue ribbon for throwing knives at a spinning target on which is tied a pretty girl in tights (Lindsay Lohan). I believe E.B. White would heartily approve.

Reposted: Sept. 09, 2010

Every Episode of The First 48

 A snapshot, that is.

Only I solve a crime in 29 seconds. Ha!

John P. McCann Channel

A Day in the Life of Me

 Or so I claim.

 

John P. McCann Channel

Make a Million Dollars with ChatGPT

John P. McCann

 

Lumpkin-Krieg Sustainability Plan Explained

 

Hats off to elai.io for the AI and editing software.

John P. McCann

I like the avatars at elai.io but their playback function freezes up on my computer. I don't see a clean version until I render. Flixi, by contrast, plays back well but offers only AI voices. There's something about avatars that cries out for humorous handling.

The Squeak Stopper Trench Shovel

Copy AI provided the words and Synthesia supplied the video and artificial human. (I supplied the concept.) Watch the video first, then check out the other copy.ai suggestions. They needed trimming to fit the free, but meager, Synthesia space. (Check out the last one—wow!)

Our Squeak Stopper is a trench shovel with the power to kill rats, mice and other vermin. The Squeak Stopper comes in pastel colors, and has a comfortable grip so it won't slip out of hands during emergencies.

Kill rats with this safe, humane and effective method. The Squeak Stopper trench shovel is the most humane way to control your rat infestation. Made from high quality materials and tested for reliability, this shovel will not only kill rats but prevent them from coming back again. In addition, it is available in a variety of pastel colors and can be purchased in any hardware store nationwide.

For the squeamish, or those who just prefer to avoid bloodshed, a non-lethal option is available. This trench shovel has been modified to deliver rats and mice quickly and humanely. A single strike will kill the rodent instantly and with minimal suffering. Also provides excellent back support. This product is not recommended for commercial use or victims of Black Death.

More AI Fun with Copy.AI and Synthesia

 

Copy AI provided the words and Synthesia supplied the video and artificial human. (I supplied the concept.) Watch the video first, then check out the other copy.ai suggestions. They needed trimming to fit the free, but meager, Synthesia space. (Check out the last one—wow!)

Our Squeak Stopper is a trench shovel with the power to kill rats, mice and other vermin. The Squeak Stopper comes in pastel colors, and has a comfortable grip so it won't slip out of hands during emergencies.

Kill rats with this safe, humane and effective method. The Squeak Stopper trench shovel is the most humane way to control your rat infestation. Made from high quality materials and tested for reliability, this shovel will not only kill rats but prevent them from coming back again. In addition, it is available in a variety of pastel colors and can be purchased in any hardware store nationwide.

For the squeamish, or those who just prefer to avoid bloodshed, a non-lethal option is available. This trench shovel has been modified to deliver rats and mice quickly and humanely. A single strike will kill the rodent instantly and with minimal suffering. Also provides excellent back support. This product is not recommended for commercial use or victims of Black Death.