An Astoundingly Simple 3-Step Process
A fair number of you have read my books. I know because you've told me in person or in emails or, in one unusual case, by bonded messenger. But the majority of you have not reviewed my books on Amazon. So far, my books are a waving hand far back in the upper rows of a crowded stadium. But that can change today provided you follow my simple three-step process:First, visit my Amazon Author Page.
Second, select the book you have read, or perhaps, you would like to read. You may choose from:
A. Jury Doody - An excellent JP Mac starter essay detailing my experiences as a juror on a strange case of spousal abuse. Short and inexpensive; only in eBook.
B. The Little Book of Big Enlightenment - A fine fictional shredding of New Age religion and aggressive marketing as a guru and a Viagra salesman quarrel over the best way to sell "Condensed Enlightenment." Only in eBook.
C. Fifty Shades of Zane Grey - A parody of E.L. James mawkish tome set in the Old West. Young Anna Ironhead seeks love from railroad tycoon Lash Grey, but will she succumb
to Grey's bizarre eroticism that often acts involves rubber mittens and a cake. The sex is mostly implied, hardly any bad language, and the violence is cartoonish enough to take the sting out. Available in eBook and softcover.
Third, review the correct book.
Ah, but how? You've never reviewed anything. You're not an English major. Words escape you.
You could start by watching Yaasha Moriah's short video presentation on book reviewing for beginners:
Yassha writes speculative fiction, sci-fi, fantasy. Her video is well-lit and she speaks lucidly. In short order you'll learn how you need to identify the main character(s) and the conflict such as Jack and Jill needing to get up a hill, then leave the reader with a question on the main dramatic action. (Will Jack and Jill get up the hill?)
There are tips on listing pros and cons, alerting readers to potentially offensive content, and other simple-to-understand methods that'll have you first timers writing like pros in a heartbeat.
Why review my books? Well, once a book accrues over 50 reviews, the algorithms kick in and your text shows up in all the right places on Amazon. Sales increase and I'll be able to afford a trainer to whip my big ass back into shape and avoid the heart attack that, by rights, should be parking out front of my life right now.
So give a watch. Review a book. Help make an overweight man healthy.
20 comments:
Hi . Oh yikes. Don't have a heart attack! I did review The Little Book on Big Enlightenment and Jury Doody. I haven't been able to get Fifty Shades of Zane Grey. I'm gonna ask my sister to get me a Google Play card for Christmas so I can order it from Amazon. I DO sooo want to read it but it's been on thing or another. Now, I can finally get it!
I'm trying to decide if I want to buy 50 Shades of Zane Grey in Soft Cover or as an ebook. But even as I write, I'm thinking SOFT COVER. E reading is nice in its place, but there are times when you just wanna sit and enjoy a cup of coffee and a page turner.
Yes, you did and thanks.
My post was for others who might have held back on the reviewing for various reasons.
Either format, I believe you'll find reading enjoyment.
Oh, I sooo know. I love the very idea. A good laugh and holiday goodies. What a combo! But I am coasting closer to soft cover book. That way, if my computer goes south, I won't have to worry.
Excellent point. Books on paper need no power cord.
I tried to buy your book on Amazon with Google Play and got nowhere. Gotta say, there is something to be said for in store shopping.
I just ordered 50 Shades of Zane Grey!!! It will arrive JUST before Christmas!!!! YEAH!!! Christmas night reading!!! Can't wait!
You're very kind, Gillian.
Hope you enjoy the read.
I know I will! Anyone who can help bring world conquering mice to life has my admiration, for always. And I loved Jury Doody!
Bless you.
JD will live on in the annuals of true crime.
Same here.
Save the part of having read the other 2.
I didn't even know about them. I've only read Dagon and Jill and the ones published online. This is really good news for me!
I got the book today!!!!! Right after I write this, I'm taking Zane Grey and and his 50 shades and going to bed for a relaxing read. Will write a full review when I finish reading. Promise.
You rock!
HAPPY NEW YEAR, JP! Not to worry, I haven't forgotten to write a review, but it's been a hectic time, so no sooner do I get into bed with the book when I'm out like a light. So it's taking a bit more time but I LOVE IT!!!! I even know how I'm going to start the review. "The last western I enjoyed this much was Blazing Saddles!"
If you can find someone to read this with a straight face, try to have this done on audiobooks. I can even recommend a good actor. Malcolm Ray. He works with Doug Walker (Nostalgia Critic) but he also does voice-over work. Not sure he'd be able to get through some of the pages without peeing himself laughing, but if you decide to go audio, Malcolm has a great vocal range.
P.S. No, I'm not his agent.
Keep 'em coming!
Happy New Year, Gillian.
You're the first comment I've received in 2016 and a most delightful one. Thank you.
I have thought about audio books. That's on the New Year's resolution list.
Hope things settle down for you soon.
You must've hoped hard because I'm enjoying a very leisurely long weekend!!! Yesss! My New Year's Resolution for 2016 is to SEIZE THE DAY. Make weekends (long weekends) COUNT. Get done what I WANT to do, not just the HAVE TO's. Part of that resolution is to enjoy more good books at bedtime.
FINALLY!!!! After a week of reading and dozing off (out of RELAXATION not BOREDOM) I finished Fifty Shades of Zane Grey and submitted a review. (Hopefully you'll get the properly edited version. https://www.amazon.ca/review/R28U1TZ783UOH/ref=pe_1086170_134824320_cm_rv_eml_rv0_rv
Thanks, Gillian.
You're a pal.
It was a great read! The book, I mean. Not the review. And I bet it would make a great movie. Shame Mel Brooks isn't directing anymore.
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