Eulogy for a Mac Classic

Sweeney talking to a salesman at the Honda dealership.

Cleaning out a storage facility last week, I found a box containing my old Mac Classic, just in time for the passing of Steve Jobs. Back in 1991, M.D. Sweeney accompanied me to the Westwood Mac store and negotiated on my behalf for the computer and a printer. Sweeney is a phenomenal dealer with a deadpan expression like an Olmec mask. Sales reps flash their easy smiles, grow uncomfortable and sometimes offer things at a lower price. (They didn't this time, but even A-Rod strikes out occasionally.) On that computer I wrote many Acme Comedy Theatre sketches as well as my first Animaniacs script, "Dracu-lee, Dracu-la." But it's doing no one any good anymore and is destined for the green waste facility. Farewell, Mac Classic and rest in piece, Mr. Jobs. And if you're ever in Los Angeles, stop by Amalfi Restaurant and see if you can talk the owner (Sweeney) into a free dessert. Let me know how it goes.
Image: antique trader

A repost from Oct, 7, 2011 only with links.

DreamWorks: Fine Animated Features and Real Estate Flips

Diversify is sound business advice and, according to Cartoon Brew, DreamWorks Animation has done just that:

"After announcing a quarterly loss of $263 million last February, DreamWorks sold its campus to SunTrust, and as Cartoon Brew reported in March, SunTrust began the process of flipping the property immediately after buying it, initially listing it for $250 million."

According to the article, DreamWorks has a profit-sharing deal that allows them to dine upon the proceeds of the resale.

Possibly Netflix hired all the 500 laid off employees.

My last time at the Glendale studio was in 2014 for a preview of Peabody and Sherman, which may've been the fat straw that broke the studios back. i09 combs through the film's wake.

Anyway, DreamWorks Glendale had a great breakfast buffet set up for the film with all these great little Danishes and coffee in cups.

And the free lunches were outstanding.

But now there's no longer any such thing as a free lunch.

Dunwich Almost Done and Webless Sunday

Azathoth: lucias faustus

Earth's saviour?     Image: Tara Bliss 

Three chapters remain in the seventh draft of the Dunwich Diversity Seminar. My first novel follows the adventures of a party girl grad student who must choose between saving the world from Lovecraftian horrors or knocking back mojitos at an Arkham Happy Hour. In June May, the project was stuck in neutral and seemed destined for The Great Pile of Semi-Finished Books. But perseverance paid off. And while various marketing projects require my attention this week—they do pay promptly—I hope to wrap up this Dunwich version by early August.

As a note, yesterday I spent a second Sunday without going online. I felt nervous, ill-at-ease, edgy, but managed to occupy myself on household projects, reading, and things I usually did for most of my life pre-Internet. Today, I feel refreshed and ready to write things pleasant and otherwise.

Amazon Follow Button Aids Authors

Busy Amazon.com has a new button on the left hand side of my Amazon Author Page. (And all author pages, for that matter.) Click upon this rectangular box and you will be notified when my next book, The Dunwich Diversity Seminar is available for sale in the world largest bookstore. Can a party girl grad student learn the information necessary to save the world from Lovecraftian horrors? Those who click the Follow button will find out first just in time for Halloween 2015.

For a bit more on Amazon publishing, including additional info on the Follow button, read this brief article from Digital Book World. In making a Follow Button available, Amazon has:

". . . increased the control they have of the book marketplace and highlighted once again that part of the ground they take is ground the publishers simply cede to them. Any publishers that is not helping authors engage with their readers and actively create their own email lists to alert the interested to new books is put on notice now that they are quite late."

How helpful? I will learn more in the next few months.

Fifty Shades of Zane Grey Snags Another 5-Star Review

Thanks go out to reader Roger E. for the following:

"Didn't read the original "50," didn't have to. "Fifty Shades of Zane Grey" stands on its own and delivers a prairie schooner full of chuckles, clever asides, and truly off-beat and funny wild west characters. Author JP Mac makes good use of western imagery and, as in his other books, his wordplay is masterful. This story is a quick, easy read and is well-worth checking out."

No doubt, Roger E. stopped by my Amazon Page or went directly to Fifty Shades of Zane Grey, now available in ebook or environmentally friendly paper formats. (I'm not sure about that last part, but green sells, so here's hoping.)

Anne Toole Writing Away

This is not Anne Toole. This is a Marvel character called Scribe. But it seemed to tie-in.

While at a Comic-con party my agency throws every year, I ran into a young lady looking for an outlet to recharge her phone. Anne Toole writes comics, TV animation, video games, articles and, if necessary, Wanted Posters. Check out her blog Anne Toole, Writer. Subscribe to her blog. Leave a comment. I'll bet she writes something back. Such is her way.
Image: ianniehil

Little Book Cracks Amazon Top 100

The Little Book of Big Enlightenment has surged into the top one hundred mash-ups on the world's largest online bookseller. For those curious, a "mash-up" is a work written in . . . oh, heck, here's the Google definition:

 In the case of Little Book, we have the treacly musings of a New Age guru who is forced to share authorship of his book with a brash marketing copy writer. They swap snark, barbs and privileged information about one another as they inform you about the hottest thing to hit the New Age market since Deepak Chopra thongs: "condensed enlightenment."

But in the course of their squabbles something extraordinary happens that forces the guru to question his own beliefs.

A fun, fast, fictional read, The Little Book of Big Enlightenment will, my production manager wife willing, soon be out in durable SOFT COVER. That means a physical book suitable for killing moths or reading, though I would prefer reading. Nevertheless, I'm not going to dictate my methods for disposing of annoying insects. You chose. But if you must use a book, use the Little Book of Big Enlightenment.

Click here for mirth. 

Happy Roswell Day!

Ghost Theory

What did they find in Roswell, New Mexico 68 years ago? A weather balloon? A crashed alien vessel with bodies onboard that were dissected in secret? (The film of the operation was finally shown on Fox in the 90s) A series concept by alien authors, later translated and sold by the military to Hollywood, that became the X-Files? I want them all to be true. I want mystery, the unexpected. But, sadly, it was probably the stinking weather balloon.

think aboutit

Yet a Third July 4 Running Post

Twice in the last eight years I've run the Santa Clarita 5k on Independence Day. Back in 2007 it was sizzling hot. Three years later, the temperature was overcast and mild, excellent for short-distance running.

The 2010 event was the last time I ran a race of any kind. That's the way it rolls when your health turns on you like a beaten dog. However, for old times sake, I walked around the Rose Bowl yesterday. Not fast, not even brisk, just a walk. It's been a few years, but the place looks pretty much the same. It took me 48:35 seconds to complete three miles, a distance I haven't even attempted in three years.

Enough sniffling nostalgia. Back to writing. Happy July 4th USA.

Skynet Becomes Aware

First casualty in the war against the machines. An accident? That's what they say. A barrier protected the worker from the machine—ominous enough—but the man violated safety procedures. (Or so they would have us believe.) Now that Skynet has tasted blood, where will it end? As if we didn't have enough troubles.

reddit

h/t: Ace of Spades

Happy Canada Day!

With dominions, provinces, and a House of Commons, our northern neighbor proudly celebrates the Constitution Act of 1867 when three provinces were linked to form one country. Read more here. In honor of their day, I present The 48th Highlanders of Canada Pipes and Drums playing "The Maple Leaf Forever." (Incidentally, this is an excellent song to blast when the neighbor kids crank up the rap too loud.)

Deconstructing Dac Encanto's Poetry

Originally published right here over five years ago.

Designs by CK

(The following verse by truculent poet Dac Encanto appears in the University of California Press anthology, Surly Postmodern Poems for Pre-Retro People. "Deuce Moon" explores Encanto's almost pathological hatred for the moon, a leitmotif critics have called "lunar hatred" or, in German, Mondblindheit meaning "moon blindness." I shall perform a short deconstruction, but no insight has yet surfaced to explain this Mondblindheit. Encanto will only spit in contempt if you ask.)

Deuce Moon 

 by Dac Encanto 

Round and bright, 

idiot face, 

planet wannabe, 

taking up space, 

(Encanto's lunar works always refer to the moon as full. Once, on a Danish talk show, he was informed the moon appeared in phases and sometimes, not at all. Encanto grew confused and sarcastic, storming off the set, taking with him a pen and a coffee mug.)

 Dumb ass satellite, 

so uncool, 

on your dusty surface, 

I'd drop a stool, 

(The threat of public defecation appears in many of Encanto's works. This was not an idle threat or a metaphor — as Duke Professor Gale Bogminder has suggested. If properly disturbed, Encanto will mete out a pooey punishment regardless of location or circumstance. The 2006 panel incident at the UCLA Book Fair is the reason all subsequent poet panels have been required to keep mobile screens and drums of disinfectant at the ready. Bogminder knows this.)

 But I can't, 

(I'd die), 

You lucked out, 

No lie, G.I. 

(Encanto's poems are peppered with pidgin-english phrases often associated with Asian prostitutes such as "You Numba 10," and "Souvenir me carton of Salems, baby." Context often provides a hazy explanation. As to the moon having "lucked out," this refers to an incident at the height of Mondblindheit when Encanto tried bribing NASA to have the moon killed. All charges were eventually dropped. However, Encanto did serve jail time for an incident that took place in court involving the prosecutor's briefcase.)

Author Neil Ostroff on New Amazon Royalty Rules

Amazon.Com narrowly misses squashing a man. Topix

Amazon grips authors by the throat. Listen to mystery writer Neil Ostroff:

"As most authors now know Amazon is going to start paying [them] for the amount of pages read and not for each complete book. I'm not certain how I feel about this. One the plus side, it could free readers up to explore more books if they are only going to pay for it if they like it. On the negative, most casual readers never finish a book or do it over a long period of time. And how about if readers skip a section? What will it do to royalties?"

Excellent point. For instance, I read short fiction and often skim like a great aquatic bug, skipping stories hither and yon. This lets me read more genre fiction from unknown authors. But now, so it seems, Amazon will reap the sales, as always, and short change the authors all because I don't read every stinking page.

This is the problem with giantism, whether corporate or governmental. At some point, the behemoth simply acts as it pleases to increase profits or power and the little guy gets rolled.

Read the rest of Neil Ostroff's post at his blog Always Writing.


Note: My Norma Rae-like shot at giantism notwithstanding,  the above change only applies to Kindle Unlimited and the Lending Library bit of Amazon Prime. Read more at this place here.

Pig, Goat, Banana, Cricket, Paul Rugg

Image: NickALive

Traveling by train from California to our nation's capitol as if this were 1948, Paul Rugg relaxes in the club car as the July 18 premier of Pig, Goat, Banana, Cricket approaches on animated little feet. As mentioned, Paul voices the character of Cricket, a sensitive young creature who discovers that he has been chosen to be the PROMISED TWO—someone second in line behind the PROMISED ONE.  Or I could have this mixed up with my Vision Quest. Find out for yourselves on Nick at 10:30 Saturday mornings.

50 ZG Back in Kindle Top 100

50 Shades of Zane Grey once again cracks the century mark in Amazon Kindle for Humor Satire. I'm not sure how the softcover version fares but I'm pretty sure I've disposed of a couple. A few sales are just the 'attaboy' I need right now as I battle through the latest version of my comedy-horror book set in Lovecraft's Dunwich. 

Instapundit Plugs 50 Shades of Zane Grey

Thanks to Instapundit Glenn Reynolds for his thoughtful mention of my book.

Health and Publishing News

You never know what a prostate does until you don't have one. But my last two blood tests have returned cancer free and so I'm thankful and accept my glacial recovery. I can stretch a little and ride a stationary bike for exercise as I attempt to shrink my bloated weight. When you can't burn calories,  Ho-Hos are no-nos. 

Purchase today!

If you hate Kindles or Nooks or smart phone apps and pine for the days of crinkly paper in your hands, then rejoice! The Little Book of Big Enlightenment will soon be out in durable softcover. My estimate is sometime in the next sixty days. Thrill to the squabbles between a marketing hack and a New Age guru over the direction of this decade's hottest guide to spirituality. Imagine the envy of strangers as you proudly read a book that is your passport to the astounding insights of "condensed enlightenment." Gape at the villainy of Big Spirit and their truculent plans to keep you unenlightened. Coming soon with a new, even more obscure cover!

Video: Comic Jeff Lewis

A former improv comrade, Jeff Lewis cranked out a ton of five-minute comedy hours. Here's one on office dating.


h/t: 5minutehour

D Day Salute Video

Thank you American, British, and Canadian troops for your valor on June 6, 1944. Note the three "invasion stripes" on the wings of the aircraft.


h/t: unknownWW2inColor

Lunch with Paul Rugg

Paul on the right, makes an interesting point.

Last Thursday Paul and I dined. He was killing time before his taping for Netflix' Puss 'N Boots. Paul Rugg is the voice of Artephis, a character filled with exuberance and the desire to dive into a pool of stew. The show runner is a man always employed, executive producer Doug Langdale. And the talent is directed by the most sterling Andrea Romano. At a coffee shop in the Burbank area, Paul had the bacon cheeseburger, finishing it along with French Fries—he left a few—and a bottomless glass of ice tea. I had my usual of crackers, sugar, Tabasco sauce and water. I took napkins home with me. It's been that kind of year.
Image: Hensen Wiki

Memorial Day Moment

I used to write "Happy Memorial Day." But it's not really a cheery sort of holiday. Solemn. Thoughtful. Everything has its price. That's something worth keeping in mind.

History.com

Writing Blues

Disclosure

Bad case on this overcast May morning. My Dunwich book beckons but it's reached a point of maddening difficulty and I want to scarp it for a new writing project. I dread something new - fresh and filled with possibilities. A disguise for surrender in all its humiliation. I have banker's boxes full of writing starts, not so many finishes. Nothing will come easy this morning. Today must be the writing equivalent of the  Bataan Death March, where escape is an illusion and the Japanese will bayonet me for falling out. Let's see how much I finish now. (Though I wish the Japanese would be quiet and let me work and stop oooing over my Batman animation cells. But if I say anything, they yell and threaten. Would they bring me coffee? Probably not. My only Japanese is "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.")

H.R. Geiger In The Projection Booth

Sideshow

That's where he, is in a manner of speaking, and that's the title of Mike White's podcast. Tune in as Mike speaks with Swiss director Belinda Sallin about her documentary on noted artist Geiger, his work and spooky legacy.

Your Home for Ralph Dibny

Ralph Dibny in knots and loving it.

Should you fall behind in your mission to learn all you can about the Elongated Man, then Rafa Rivas has your back. Check our his blog as he peels back the layers on all Ralph Dibny doings.

Nostalgic Race Report: Eugene Marathon

(In honor of my last and best running accomplishment, I repost this race report from May, 2008.)


Light shifted subtly over the Willamette River. You sensed God working the sliders on his heavenly lighting board, blending shade and tone while sipping coffee from an immense mug. As marathon day began in Eugene, temperatures hung around the low 40s. I was reluctant to leave the warmth of our rented Rav. But MDW (My Darling Wife) pointed out that no man ever raced crouched over a hot air vent. So it was out into the cold near Hayward Field on the University of Oregon campus. MDW vowed to meet me at mile 18. There I'd planned to leave my water belt: a symbolic act to "lighten the load" for the arduous last miles where head games are mandatory. Meanwhile, I lined up behind other shivering runners at a Port-O-Potty.

Back in January, around the time I began training for this race, the wife of a friend died battling leukemia. I asked Peter if he'd mind my dedicating the marathon to Rosina. He and the kids were cool, but I had forgotten to bring anything. Fortunately, MDW grabbed some art supplies and cobbled together a fine inscription for me to wear. As I ran that day, spectators called out Rosina's name, encouraging me to keep going for her. In those moments, it seemed Rosina was present but just out of sight, as if she'd gone to fetch something from the car.

As to the course, imagine a drawing of a bolo tie such as gentlemen might wear in a square dance. Now imagine that same bolo tie drawn by an angry man. This will give you an idea of the route's shape. The opening miles led out from the campus, up a hill, down another, then into a park area where the metal tips would be if it really were a bolo tie. Doubling back to the U of O campus, the course led up another long hill, down to the Willamette River and across. Instead of a turquoise clasp, Autzen Stadium provided the center piece around which the race swirled, looping along bike paths around the Willamette. Tree-lined and tranquil, the river flowed under quaint foot bridges. The finish line was just outside the stadium where you could purchase bolo ties and other treasured souvenirs.






Finally, we go. Despite last-minute wavering, my goal was to break four hours. That meant a pace of 9:10, 49 seconds per mile less than my previous best in Phoenix. Since January 2007, my only marathon had been an extended walk in Chicago. The night before, I'd phoned coaches Jimmy and Kate for a little advice. They told me many useful, savvy things that I promptly forgot. But what I recalled was to stay on pace and save something for the end.

The first mile led uphill. I ran way too slow (9:40). I wanted to sob like a weepy old man, but didn't.

Mile 2: Mostly downhill.

Mile 3: More downhill. Now I was almost a minute ahead of pace. Cool.

Miles 4 and 5: Running the dangling string section of the bolo tie. Ate some yummy goo.

Mile 6: Doubling back to campus through Amazon Park. Still slightly ahead of pace.

Mile 7: Up a long hill. I slowed again, keeping my heart beat even. Runners blasted by, huffing and puffing. I smugly watched them pass.

Miles 8 & 9: Back through the campus, then across the Willamette on a foot bridge. At one point, I thought my legs were buckling. But it was only the bridge wobbling from impacting runner feet. Still, I hurried across.

Mile 10: On the bike trails along the river; more yummy goo with double caffeine.

Mile 11: We'd been running mixed in with a half-marathon. Now the half-marathoners veered off to finish their race. I remarked to a woman next to me, "I thought they'd never leave."

Mile 12: MDW surprised me at 12. I was still ahead of pace, feeling great. Perhaps I'd made too much of this marathon business? We confirmed our date for 18.

Mile 13.1: Half-way assessment. I was at 1:56:52, about an 8:55 pace. A little brisk, but no strain. Figuring I could hold it a bit longer, I decided to press on.

Mile 14: I encountered the Clopper. A lean man in his 60s with short, silvery hair, he slapped the ground loudly with every stride like a farm horse walking on cobblestones. Whock-whock-whock-whock! The sound grated. I sped past. But since I was walking a minute every seven minutes, there was no escape. I'd prepare to run again when I'd hear whock-whock-whock coming up behind.

Mile 15: What was on the menu? Surprise, it was another double-caffeine goo! (Damn the Clopper!)

Mile 16: Holding steady two and three minutes ahead of pace. I was looking at a solid finish. I uped my run/walk ratio to 8x1.

Mile 17: Something happened here but I can't remember.

Mile 18: MDW took my water belt after I washed down the last of my salt.

Mile 19: I finally ditched the Clopper. Hurray! Oh, God, hurray! First little twinges of leg pain.

Mile 20: Back across the Willamette. We're now running on the south side bike trails. I was still ahead, 3:00:06, but my pace had dropped to 9:00. My legs were beginning to feel a tad thick.

Mile 21: Now began the Track of Broken Dreams, better known as the last miles of a marathon. I dropped a full minute.

Mile 22: Dropped another minute. The same effort took tons of energy. My calves felt like iron knots. The four-hour pace group leader, whom I hadn't seen all day, breezed past with several runners in tow.

Mile 23: Leaking seconds badly, I dropped intervals and ran. All around, marathoners were breaking down: a young, bearded guy fast-hobbled on an injured foot; a husky Asian man cramped out in pain; a girl in tangerine shorts ran backwards to ease the ache; a guy in a floppy hat staggered off the trail and heaved a great spray of liquid. He heaved again and again. Meanwhile, sunlight shone through the trees and the Willamette flowed serenely.

Mile 24: For the moment, I'd plugged the time leakage and was almost exactly on pace, but fading fast. My hip flexors felt as light as a parking structure. Walking at a water station, I ate jelly beans and realized I enjoyed walking. Forcing myself to run, I focused on a large man in a red T-Shirt and passed him.

Mile 25: On pace, but maintaining the effort brought a bonus hurt. A side stitch arrived as I passed a balding runner in a blue and gold singlet. His feet quickened as he tried to catch me. Pretending I was in the Olympics staving off a Kenyan, I moved ahead to the next runner.

Mile 26: Reaching the shadow of Autzen Stadium, I was roughly on pace, but gassed. MDW waved and cheered. All the blood in my upper body had migrated to my legs. Woozy and light-headed, I lumbered along on auto pilot.

Mile .2: An orange snow fence lined the final kilometer. On the race clock ahead, red LED numbers inched into the four-hour district. I tried recalling how many seconds had passed before I crossed the start mat. However calculations were oafish folly as I lacked blood north of my waist.

I made it by six seconds: 3:59:53.

MDW helped me to a curb where I sat and stared at nothing for several minutes. I was fortunate to have reached my goal. Nevertheless, I finished what I set out to do. Plus, I honored Rosina and pumped money into the Eugene economy so they might purchase yet more commemorative bolo ties.

It's been two days since the marathon, we're back home and life proceeds. We have to move in a few weeks. And there's still the TNT Summer Team and preparing them for their first marathon. Oh yeah, and finding a job. And jury duty.

But today I'll rest and eat pizza and think about running another marathon in a few months.

That'll be fun.



(Start line photo by Rick Russell. All others by MDW Joy.)

Originally posted May 6, 2008 as Tales from Eugene. In the seven years since this race I've had a knee operation, shoulder operation, operation on my nose for skin cancer, operation for prostate cancer, and put on sixty pounds. But that day, I was gold.

Nat'l Lampoon Kit and Kaboodle

Cliparts.Co

Back in the day, the National Lampoon featured  a one-off comic with a cat chasing wise-cracking mouse antagonists similar to Pixie and Dixie and Mr. Jinx. Except there was no squash and stretch. If a character was injured, they were stuck with that wound. To mix medias, imagine an episode of Slappy Squirrel if Walter Wolf never recovered from the injuries Slappy dealt him.

Long ago, it was considered edgy. Today, there are fewer and fewer lines left to cross and so the race to shock roars on. There are sites which specialize in adding Quentin Tarantino like violence to Classic WB and Hanna-Barbara characters, with images featuring agony and maniacal intent.

Over at Noblesse Oblige, you can view a few panels of Kit and Kaboodle. Like Monty Python violence, the carnage is surreal and over-the-top to the point of absurdity. As you will note, the characters are plucky, persistent, and badly maimed. Perhaps Netflix is working on a series?

5 War Movies I'd Like to See Made

In no particular order, here are five historical conflicts that I think would make excellent films.

Forty Days of Musa Dagh

Pronounced 'Moosa Da,' (or Moses' Mountain) this site in modern Syria was once a part of the Ottoman Empire. During the 1915 genocide, six Armenian villages—5,000 people—fled to the mountain and fought off assaults by the Turkish army. With its back to the Mediterranean, Musa Dagh held out for 53 days. As food and ammunition dwindled, the embattled Armenians managed to signal passing French warships. The survivors were taken to safety in Egypt.

Not surprisingly, Turkey has fought like a velociraptor to keep this film from being made. A 1930s production was scotched by Turkish diplomatic pressure on the U.S. State Department and MGM. Sly Stallone and Mel Gibson both backed off Musa Dagh projects after Turkish grousing. President Obama won't even call it a genocide, referring to the Armenian massacre as a 'great catastrophe.' A 'great catastrophe' is the 2004 tsunamis or Chicago Cubs baseball. What happened in Turkey was genocide.

Book to Read: Forty Days of Musa Dagh by Franz Werfel.

Operation Buffalo

Marines along the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) were given a thankless and 

bloody task of checking North Vietnamese infiltration into South Vietnam. Untouchable in North Vietnam for political reasons, Russian-made artillery concealed in caves constantly shelled the Marines. By fighting at times of their own choosing, then retreating back to safety across the DMZ, the North Vietnamese Army (NVA) controlled the tempo of battle. As if matters weren't bad enough, Secretary of Defense McNamara decided that a nice barrier built during the fighting would control infiltration. Finally, Marines were worn down by constant patrolling, a poor supply chain, and saddled with new M16 rifles that jammed. 

In the face of all that, an understrength Marine company was ambushed and shot to bits in July 1967. The subsequent relief of the survivors, attempts to recover the dead, and a massive NVA assault across the DMZ highlight the bravery and dedication of men locked in a futile war of attrition. 

I once had the rights to a book about this operation, but hopefully someone else will find the money and energy to bring this project to life.    

Book to Read: Operation Buffalo: USMC Fight for the DMZ by Keith William Nolan.

The Forest Brothers

A Baltic Red Dawn, people in Lithuania, Latvia and Estonia waged guerrilla war against the Soviet Union until the mid-1950s. Overrun by Russia in 1940, then Nazi Germany, then Russia again in 1944, the Baltic peoples were under no illusions as to what awaited them under brutal Soviet occupation. In desperation, many waged a forlorn battle with the invaders, hiding out in forests and fighting until betrayed by communists serving in British Intelligence. After Stalin's death, an amnesty ended most of the conflict, though isolated units soldiered on until the 1960s. 

Some films have been made in the Baltics, but there's still plenty of David vs. Goliath, brother against brother material to fill up 120 minutes. 

Book to Read: Forest Brothers: The Account of an Anti-Soviet Lithuanian Freedom Fighter 1944-1948 by Juozas Luksa.  

The Great Siege

In 1565, the world superpower was the Ottoman Empire under Sultan Suleiman the Magnificent. Annoyed by the raiding of the last crusading order, Knights of St. John, the Sultan commanded a huge fleet to sail to the island of Malta and crush the knights. With a split command, the Turks invested the knights' forts, hauled up artillery and attempted to batter the walls into a degraded state for a final assault. The ensuing siege, the politics, tactics, and personalities of the opposing commanders would make for fascinating viewing.

This movie is probably too non-pc for at least another generation. Nevertheless, given Turkey's attitude, I would release it as a double feature with Forty Days of Musa Dagh.  

Book to Read: The Great Siege: Malta 1565 by Ernle Bradford

Neptune's Inferno

In a series of battles lasting six months, the U.S. Navy lost five-thousand men wrestling the Japanese for control of the seas around Guadalcanal. This is a film made for CGI as the U.S. fritters away their advantage in radar because senior officer don't trust the "new fangled thing." Japanese night fighting tactics and torpedoes are decisive early on. Lots of command in-fighting on both sides in a back-and-forth brawl that saw the United States reduced to a single damaged aircraft carrier in the whole Pacific during the fall of 1942.

This ought to be the 21st Century equivalent of In Harm's Way except we won't blow up model ships in a big tank.

Book to Read: Neptune's Inferno: The U.S. Navy at Guadalcanal by James D. Hornfischer.

Genealogy Writing Tools

Paul Mudie

Finished a 7D script. A small marketing assignment is all that stands between me and my Dunwich book. Since much of the backstory will be a continuation of the original Dunwich Horror, I find myself veering off to build the genealogies of Professor Henry Armitage and his peers. This is because one of his descendants, a grad student party gal, will end up deciding the fate of Earth.

On their website, the Social Security Administration allows you to peek back in time at the most popular baby names of different decades. John and Mary were tops back in the 1880s. Noah and Sophia ruled the roost in 2013. Since names change like fashions, it's a handy tool.

As for family tree construction, I'm using the My Heritage Family Tree Builder. A free download, it's helping me manage a growing thicket of fictional relatives.

And a fine Sunday to you all.

Lobo on the WB 3

D.C. Comics was very cool about the whole project. We sent them a script and they signed off, seemingly content to let us create the best animated Lobo we could.

My days evaporated, coordinating with everyone and writing story outlines. Scott's crew drew up the props for the first script. We were excited, digging the ideas, seeing the potential. Mike even put up a large cork board in my office covered with 3x5 cards—the mark of a show. On a Friday in mid January, the machine hummed, primed for the official production start the following Monday.

That morning, Jean called me up to her office.

Lobo was cancelled. 

Jamie Kellner and the WB finally decided they didn't want it. 

There are seven stages of grief. I never got past denial. It was like showing up at church and learning a man had shot your bride because he didn't like the bouquet.

JEAN MACCURDY TO THE RESCUE?

The Nest 

For the rest of the day, Lobo swirled around the bowl as Jean worked the phones. There was no one savvier in the ways of corporate politics. If it were possible to finesse the show onto the air, you could summon no greater champion than MacCurdy. I'm not entirely sure who she called, but I would bet on Dan Romanelli, Bob Daley, Jamie Kellner, Bob Bibb and Lew Goldstein—two marketing guys who actually laughed out loud if they thought something was funny. (They were Old School that way.)

Nevertheless, by mid-afternoon Lobo finished circling the porcelain and disappeared in a surge of blue water. 

No one was willing to force a show onto the WB over Kellner's wishes. 

How did the production get so far? The WB knew we were spending money. They knew what was coming. But because they couldn't make up their minds earlier, artists who had reported for work that morning were turned around and pointed back out the door. 

The mood was depressed and ugly. 

I sent out my last memo, shutting down the production.

Bob Doucette arrived late to that year's pitch fest, but he had an idea for a series called Detention. (Rag-tag group of kids defying school authority.) Needing a replacement, the WB snapped it up and rushed the show into production. 

And that was that.

Jean had run the TV animation division for years with no one else but Joey Franks. There were no development executives. There were no executives attached to every show. There wasn't even a lawyer in the building. Warner Legal would visit every few years and tell us safe ways to parody, but they never overstayed their welcome. (Except for annual Sexual Harassment Seminars. These were conducted by a pair of Warner lawyers who kept insisting, "We are not the thought police," as they threatened to patrol artist cubicles and rip down 'offensive drawings.'  The seminars mysteriously halted after Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, never to return for the rest of my tenure.)

In the end,  the ratings finally killed us. Our shows tracked older than the 7 to 12-year-old demographic that advertising was sold around. 

And Warner TV animation no longer enjoyed the informal protection of Steven Spielberg. Having co-founded DreamWorks, he was now a competitor.

And so the growth of middle management commenced. 

ALONE WITH HANNA AND BARBARA

Muppet Wiki

To be fair, enlargement had already begun, with an exec. brought in to handle the Cartoon Network and another exec. hired on in general. Nice people, but Jean had been magnetic north for too many years. That's where the compass pointed. That was the only direction that mattered. Jean had taste. She could tell crap from fudge. And she trusted the writers and artists. With the new regime at Kids' WB, if they didn't get a joke, the joke was out. That meant a show's humor was now indexed to comedic sensibilities honed at Harvard Business School and sharpened by countless development meetings.

(At the same time, Kids' WB pretty much left Bruce Timm, Alan Burnett Paul Dini  and the other batlings alone. Batman Beyond had premiered and the new regime wisely chose to let it breath.)

And while I  remained on staff at Warners for nineteen more months, my big dog days were deader than Earth Shoes. After Lobo, I never came close to running a show again. And minus a show, I no longer rated an assistant. Mike and I packed up the 3x5 cards and bid farewell as he was reassigned. I tried writing a script for Detention, but the network rejected it. I wrote series premises and direct-to-video ideas. I wrote a pair of Batman Beyond scripts, which I enjoyed. Of course, there was my trip to Cambodia with Kathy Helppie, the State Department and the Agency for International Development. But that's for another day. 

Eventually, I lost my nice corner office on the fourth floor, ending up on 14, down the hall from Hanna and Barbara. They had capacious ceremonial offices and their own secretary, but nothing else to do except continue aging. 

The Main Man resurfaced twice more. There was an attempt to sell Lobo to Saban who wanted to pay $75 an episode. We thought it was an opening bid, but that's the way they rolled. Then Warner Online chose to do Lobo as a Web series—hot thing at the time. I wrote the episodes, but suddenly everyone had an opinion including D.C. Comics, an accountant, and a security guard who had several high concept ideas but didn't mind if I wrote them up and took the credit. (As everyone knows, you can never have enough voices when it comes to comedy.) With my contract up soon and not due to be renewed, I Alan Smithee'd my way off the project. 

LA AENEID

The Aeneid

When I finally departed Warners in August of 2000, there was a lawyer assigned to TV animation with his own office in the building. There were executives by the gross. In addition, there were all kinds of other new faces with jobs that had nothing to do with writing or drawing an animated TV series or paying the people who did. I'd never met the woman who oversaw my out processing and collected my parking and building passes. Rugg and Ruegger and Rich Arons and many others without an 'r' in their name had already moved on. The place I left was a memory. 

Like Aeneas wandering the Mediterranean, I sought a new work life, hoping in the back of my head that the old Warners would somehow reconstitute somewhere in the TV animation industry. But that's like hoping high school will reconstitute without the embarrassments and awkward moments.

I welcome the new and cherish the old.

And remember the Lobo that almost was.

Lobo and the WB 1

Lobo and the WB 2

(Thanks to Paul Rugg@Froynlaven and Garrett Gilchrist@OrangeCow for linking the Lobo posts. For some reason, I can't get Blogspot to cough up the rest of the non-porn, non-Russian sites where I'm linked.)

(This is an update of a blog post titled Main Man Mania from back in 2008.)

Lobo on the WB 2

Since the WB was equally chilly to all shows pitched, Jean figured she had nothing to lose and selected Duck Dodgers and Lobo for the next stage: focus group testing.

Change was definitely in the air. Nickelodeon focus tested shows. Warner TV Animation flew by the seat of their pants ... or used to. I had zero faith in focus groups and felt at that point that neither show would ever see daylight.

Back into editing with Al and Boyd. Using some Steven E. Gordon art and Boyd's characters, we put together a Lobo focus group reel for whoever did focus groups. Al and I did likewise for Daffy.  (I seem to recall Jeff Bennett providing the voice overs.) By now, it's late October, early November. If the network wanted a series in Sept. '99, we needed to start production soon.

On focus group day, I stayed in my office.

Gonway

LISTEN TO THE CHILDREN

Jean gave me the results: boys and girls really liked Duck Dodgers. But boys had gone stratospheric over Lobo. (Lobo broke things and didn't take any lip. What's not to love?) Pre-production began for twelve half-hour Lobo episodes. (Once a production number is assigned, you know it's serious. ) Jean told me to start writing the first script. With marketing in our pocket, the Main Main looked solid. But Duck Dodgers was still in the hunt.

Mike packed up our pitch materials and we took the Duck Dodgers show on the road. Specifically from Sherman Oaks to Burbank and the executive building on the Warner lot. We'd be pitching to studio head Bob Daley. This was more of Jean playing three-dimensional chess. If she couldn't green light a show, she could still ensure that powerful players liked what she liked.

Bob Daley didn't laugh, or really smile at all. But he paid attention. You could see his mind working, following along with the story and characters. At the end, he pointed to one character model and said, "That guy doesn't look like any of the other characters. But other than that, it's Okay."

People started asking me which show I'd pick to run. But Lobo had the hot hand.

As I wrote the first script, there were pre-production meetings. Composer Richard Stone was fired up to do music. (We aimed at creating some kind of cool outer space theme blended with Metallica and Nine Inch Nails.) Andrea Romano would be voice directing. But Boyd Kirkland was suddenly being tugged in another direction. It looked like we'd need a new producer.

Keane Eyes Gallery

LOBO SCRIPT

By early January, I'd finished the script. Basically, Lobo was a bounty hunter, hung out in Al's Diner with Al and Darlene, and had been summoned by Vril Dox. Dox hires Lobo to retrieve a witness who has information harmful to interplanetary super creep Ernest Mann. Mann wanted to help everyone by conquering all life and placing it under his loving care. He had created a force of eerie minions: children with big Margaret Keane eyes who morphed into horrid velociraptor-like monsters. Mann was defended aboard his huge space craft by massive robots, each with more firepower than a drug cartel.

He also carried the largest bounty in the universe.

Lobo disobeys orders and decides to dangle his witness as bait to draw out Mann. Traveling to a seedy dive on a depressed planet, Lobo and his nervous witness wait for someone to rat them out to Mann. It doesn't take long. Lobo ends up in a shoot-out with one of Mann's iron-packing robots and loses his witness, who is captured and transported to Mann's vessel. Lobo follows, sneaks aboard, rescues the guy, battles Keane children, more robots, and confronts Mann, but fails to capture him,  barely escaping in a running fight that eats up most of Act III.

Finally, having delivered the witness, he relaxes back at Al's. But Lobo vows to eventually collect the bounty on Mann.

And that would be our season arc: first, middle, and last episode involving Lobo and Mann. I figured I'd write those and hired  Mitch Watson and Ken Segall to tackle several of the other scripts. They would include villains like Sunny Jim and Cosmic Bob. Bob's character description billed him as "one of the deadliest men in the universe because he can shoot rays from his nose."

Basil's Films

AND WILLIAM H. MACY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

By now, it was early January 1999. Boyd Kirkland was gone, returned to Batman for, I think, a Mr. Freeze direct-to-video. Scott Jeralds replaced him as co-producer. As Jean had approved the script, Scott's crew jumped in and did a fantastic job boarding. Scott put his own spin on the character design, reducing Lobo's bulkiness even more while keeping the muscles and menace. Darlene became more wholesome, less jaded. Another crew was hired and artists started reporting in.

Meanwhile, Andrea Romano assembled a great cast. She'd once again lined up Brad Garrett as Lobo, and cast William H. Macy and Linda Hamilton for voice roles. (Macy would've been the witness, while I don't recall who Linda Hamilton would've played.) Paul Rugg had a part as Vril Dox assistant.

Duck Dodgers was backburnered. Lobo barreled on toward it's production start date.

Tomorrow: A meeting with Jean. Phone calls and reality. What came next.

Lobo on the WB1

Lobo on the WB 3