( From around 14 years ago, a brief example of things I wrote when I wasn't being paid to write—TV animation, that is. I was writing a whopping great amount of marketing copy.)
(Part one of a Write Enough series on TV animated shows that never quite made it to air.)
With the growing success of "SpongeBob"
in 2000, the TV animation industry sought out a nautical-themed show
that hopefully would absorb success vapors from the popular Nickelodeon
series. The race was on and Cartoon Network appeared to be leading after
staff artist Cleve Metapontum pitched a series idea revolving around a
rude veterinary dentist who lived aboard ship and serviced various sea
creatures—willing and unwilling.
Metapontum had been working as a background artist on I Am Weasel and conceived the idea after an unstable Burbank dentist flung salt water in his face. (There was a law suit, later settled.)
Cartoon Network executive Laudi Krate quickly spotted the potential of
"Dentist" and wasted no time calling Atlanta for instructions. A pilot
was ordered and Krate told to 'hustle this one along.'
Under pressure, Krate promoted character designer Higgins Benzine to
produce. Benzine was controversial. Despite many years in animation, he
could not draw an oval head. Worse, he despised Metapontum whom he
considered a 'cubicle ape,' lacking the skill to 'draw a game of Hang
Man.'
Often great art emerges from a clash of personalities but not this time.
After a series of loud arguments and flung pencils, an angry Metapontum
produced a dark 22-minute script in which Sea Dentist extracts the
teeth of a tiger shark and cements them into the mouth of a harbor seal
who then proceeds to kill and eat a wind surfer. Sea Dentist, employed
by "The United Nations Sea Counsel," denies having anything to do with
the incident and sails to Panama.
Krate was horrified. The script lacked several key elements considered
necessary in children's animation. Among them were likable characters,
humor, and no wind surfers slashed to pieces. Metapontum defended his
script, claiming, "Dentists are really like that. Seriously." More
drafts were ordered and eventually the story acquired a child character
while deaths were changed to prat falls, and Sea Dentist became 'crusty
but lovable.'
Nevertheless, the caustic chemistry between Benzine and Metapontum
poisoned the production. Factions formed and artists would lunch with
either producer or show creator. So intense was the hatred that artists
in the Benzine camp began losing the ability to draw oval heads.
Meanwhile, Metapontum supporters voiced a hatred for dentists and oral
hygiene in general.
After
several contentious months, an episode was completed in which an
acerbic but kindly Sea Dentist aids a killer whale by installing a fixed
partial denture (or bridge). Later, in a battle with anti-aquatic
dental forces, Sea Dentist falls overboard and is saved by the very
whale whom he earlier helped. The story and artwork were a compromise
enforced by Krate. Metapontum hated having a dentist portrayed in a
positive light while Benzine loathed the art work, claiming the oval
heads "looked all wrong."
By now, Atlanta was demanding the pilot. In a frenzy, layouts, model
sheets, etc. were shipped to a Korean animation house. But no one
figured on Benzine. At his own expense, he flew into Seoul and tinkered
with the models. As a result, the human characters lacked oval heads.
Sea Dentist had a head that was pumpkin-round with what appeared to be a
ramp extending out above his right ear.
Krate and Metapontum went ballistic when they saw the footage, but there
was no time or budget for retakes. Krate shipped the program to her
Cartoon Network bosses with a cover note praising the 'quirky animation
that is also iconic in an unspecified way.'
Despite a compelling all-lute music track, the project was mercifully put down. Like The Day the Clown Cried, grainy copies of Sea Dentist circulated quietly throughout the animation world and became the stuff of dystopian legend.
Not surprisingly, Cleve Metapontum, Higgins Benzine and Laudi Crate
resurfaced at different studios. And while they would never work
together again, this trio was involved with other animated TV shows that
managed to miss the airwaves.
Images: fossilsforkids.com and istockphoto
