Tough Guy Israeli Robot

"Dad, I'm being bullied at school."

"Son, your old pop might just have the answer."

My friend Ken sent me this amazing footage. Look for a model soon on Amazon.

 

Anti Digital Heroin Hacks

StudyBreaks.co

Some people consider web surfing an Internet treat and not a horrid, greasy bug eating your time with knife and fork. I just spent yesterday off-line and feel particularly virtuous right now. 

THREE THINGS THAT WILL DAMPEN YOUR WEB SURFING

1. Clear your cookies at night. 

2. Erase your history. 

3. Pick a day of the week to shut off the computer.

"Can't do it."

"Impossible."

"Why?"

From my review of Nicholas Carr's The Shallows: "Neither luddite nor scold, Carr reasons calmly that our technologies are changing us to better adapt to their nature."

Cell phones, surely, are fine.

I reviewed Tomas Kersting's  book Disconnected where he noted that excessive screen time erodes focus, increases anxiety, and leads to social retardation.

Yesterday, I read a book old school style, sitting in a chair holding a physical object, giving my eyes and my focus time away from staring at a screen. (This after five weeks of publishing ebooks and paperbacks where I did nothing but lock eyes on a screen for hours each day.) It felt delightful.

I also recommend viewing a documentary called The Social Dilemma, in which web pioneers explain how their good intentions and technological developments led to web consumer becoming the product.  

Experiment at limiting your on-line time, if so inclined. Let me know the results.  

Thoughts on My 2020

A Land Remembered Journal

2020: I thought last year's post below was pretty comprehensive. Sadly, running—and weight loss—didn't pan out as I'd hoped. Back in November I injured my knees by forgetting everything I knew about chi running and attempting to "boost" my locomotion with extra force. And I'd been doing so well. In October I ran 48 miles for the month—the most since February—including 5 and 6 mile days. I had recovered from my spring Chinese Covid slump enough to enter a Virtual Challenge and was crushing it. Plus my wife and I were signed up for a 10k in Mesa, Arizona slated for February 2021. (We're going to Mesa anyway, just not to run.)

Self-inflicted running injuries are the absolute worst. No one to blame but yourself and I HATE blaming myself.

As for writing, it blossomed as in former days. I finished several short stories, including a whopping 12k word job. Sending them out wasn't resulting in sales, though the rejections were generally polite. So I assembled this year's crop along with stories dating back to 2009 and published the lot—all nine—in ebook form. Death Honk is out now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple, Kobo, and more. The paperbacks will arrive in January. This is the first fiction book I've published since 2016. I bask in such warm accomplishments.

But writing is only a fraction of the battle for the indie author.

Unlike previous book launches, I obtained a few reviews in advance. Also, unlike previous launches, I bit off a good chunk more than I could chew. By attempting ebook and softcover launches on Amazon and Draft2Digital, I found each platform operates with different rules. So four sets of formatting required attention, eating up time with an appetite most voracious. Because my wife and her vast publishing experience were unavailable—I never interrupt her paying work—I was forced to hunt in the freelance veldt. The woman who proof read Death Honk was outstanding. The man who formatted the print version less so. As mentioned elsewhere, the cover designer rocked. 

No audio version for prostate, but I think that line has been jumped by Death Honk. We shall see how 2021 shapes up. I'd like publish a second edition of Hallow Mass with a new cover, add it to Draft2Digital, then write the second volume. Plan meet life. And for the second time in a paragraph I'll say: we shall see. 

This November marked fifteen years of blogging. Over 2k posts with entries topping 100 for the first time since 2012. Not that my traffic is that hot. But inconsistency carries a cost. I've really come to loath social media. (Do watch The Social Dilemma.) But I should examine which platform provides the most pop sales-wise for an author's effort. 

Canva proved a useful took in developing my own promotional materials. Even a digital butter fingers such as myself was able to figure it out. I highly recommend the website.

I end 2020 in reasonably good health, awash in efforts to publish two separate paperback versions of my anthology and eager to see what the future holds. 

And a Happy New Year to you!

The Express

Ryan Long Slags On Corporate Advertising

 As 2020 drags to a close, a little fun at corporate expense courtesy of comic Ryan Long. 

Ryan Long

A Matter of Credit

 The collage banner atop the page includes:

1. Photo of a man's head and eyes by Gage Walker on Unsplash

2. Big fish swimming to lens by Jen Theodore on Unsplash

3. Whites of the eyes boy by Jakayla Toney on Unsplash

4. Man with bandaged head by Armin Lotfi on Unsplash

5. Black man in shadow by Joel Mwakasege on Unsplash

6. Doll head by Tomasz Sroka on Unsplash

7. Devil Clown by Robert Zunikoff on Unsplash

8. Whites of the eyes woman by Alex Iby on Unsplash

9. Winged skull face by Donovan Reeves on Unsplash

10. Woman's hand on textile by Shane on Unsplash

11. Open-mouth man by Photo Boards on Unsplash

12. Woman screaming by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.

Assembled using Canva. 

Death Honk Launches on Draft2Digital

 

theimaginativeconservative

Pre-order is ended; pay full price. Not much. A buck more. But if you fancy shopping at Barnes & Noble, Apple, Kobo, or any store not named Amazon, then now is your opportunity to pounce upon a fine collection of creepy short stories. 

My day will be filled with imploring various individuals to review the book. Like moving from one apartment to another, you must ask three or four times as many people to get one. Such are the days of an indie author.

Merry Christmas 2020!

A Spiritual Christmas

Peace on Earth, Goodwill Towards Men 

Not a very modern subhead, but heartfelt. God bless one and all this fine day. 

Death Honk Short Horror Story Collection Now Live

 Murder! Mystery! Mayhem!

Sooner than I thought and just in time for Christmas, Death Honk launches on Amazon. This nine story anthology of dark and ominous doings, revenge, stupid brutality, transformation and justice awaits purchase and perusal. Still discounted over at Barnes & Noble, Apple, and other nice stores.

The paperback version advances with governmental torpor. The man formatting it lives in Pakistan. The cover artist can do no more until Pakistan delivers up the finished version and I have a page count. But these are small guppy-sized problems. 

May your days be merry and bright!

Now Lurking on Amazon!

Matt McAvoy Reviews Death Honk Short Story Collection

Discount Pre-Order Now!

"Mac is a fine writer, with a tremendously twisted sense of justice, injustice and just desserts." —Matt McAvoy

Take a peek over at author Matt McAvoy's blog as he reviews Death Honk. My collection of mostly short horror stories—with a bit of crime thrown in for ballast—launches December 26 on Amazon, Apple, Barnes and Noble and other ebook emporiums. Discounted now in pre-order, the book's paperback versions are slated to release January 5. 

And if the mood strikes you, join my email acquisition effort and receive the Top 5 Dating Tips of H.P. Lovecraft. He was different, he was odd, he was a New England chick magnet. Stay plugged in as I labor away on volume two of my Hallow Mass trilogy. 

So many important things to mention, all involving myself and my writing. Now I'm tired, but must edit the formatted docx. for the Amazon paperback. Then rewrite the back cover author bio. Then update all the metadata on Amazon and Draft2Digital. 

Stay safe in this Chinese Covid madness. Today is the shortest day of the year. Tell a friend!

Top 5 Dating Tips of H.P. Lovecraft

The Booty King

The Creepy Horror Writer? 

Yes, the very same. Now, for the first time ever, you may obtain a free pdf listing the smoking hot insight and moves that makes the name "Lovecraft" synonymous with "chick magnet."

All it will cost is your email. A small price to pay for the carnal knowledge nuggets awaiting you from the author of "The Call of Cthulhu," "The Dunwich Horror" and other eerie tales. 

Yes, I Want! Do I Proceed by the Light of a Gibbous Moon?

Fortunately, the Internet is not on a lunar cycle so it's easier than that. Faster, too. In fact, snagging these free steamy hacks is simpler than finding a poet in a madhouse. Click over to this site—landing page, actually—then click a big button. (Mind your spam folder.) You're in the pipeline, not just for H.P., but also for intelligence such as this:

Book Cover Design Services

DEATH HONK LAUNCHES!

My dark fantasy collection of stories written over the last decade—some of you have sampled the selection—is now available in ebook form over on Apple, Barnes & Noble's Nook, Kobo—for my English-speaking friends in other lands—and Angus and Roberston, serving the reading needs of Down Under for any number of years. And more markets are inbound!

Stories of fright, crime, retribution, poetic justice, idiocy in high places, are on discount pre-order this very moment up to the official launch date of December 26. Then add a buck. 

Death Honk, in sturdy ebook format, will be on sale December 26 at Amazon. (I could've preordered on Amazon via Kindle Direct Publishing, but then my book is exclusive to the Amazon colossus for three months. Since they only control 90% of the book market, they can do that. In my small way, I have objected.)

Softcover versions should be out shortly in early January. 

Brandi Doane McCann—oddly enough, not a relative—designed the cover art. Visit her site over at Book Cover Design Services. Scroll down and admire Death Honk amidst the other fine cover art. Brother and sister writers, you could do much worse than allowing Brandi to design your cover. 

And with that, I bid you a healthy and happy fifteenth day of December. God speed on your many tasks and obligations.

Paul Rugg and I are Hired at Warner Bros. v. 4

 

And I Have the Memories to Prove It

Today, December 16, marked 27 years since Paul Rugg and I were offered jobs at Warner Brothers TV Animation. We were over at Paul's house watching Zontar: Thing From Venus, drinking coffee, eating chocolate donuts, and smoking. We'd just turned in scripts for some new show called Animaniacs. (Mine was "Draculee, Draculaa.") Paul's wife was off earning money as a social worker, while my future wife was still employed at the magazine I'd quit two months earlier. Rugg and I were performing improv and sketch comedy at the Acme Comedy Theatre. (Along with cast member Adam Carolla.) Money was very tight. The payment for one script would really help out my Christmas. 

Then Kathy Page, Tom Ruegger's assistant, called to offer us staff jobs and the trajectory of our lives veered sharply into an unexplored cosmos.

We were amazed, stunned, numb. Walking outside, we smoked more and talked it over. Should we take the jobs or would they pollute our comedy pureness by turning it commercial? We would accept the work immediately. 

Now it all seems opaque. If it weren't for the Web and talking to Paul Rugg yesterday, I'd swear the whole experience never happened. But I'm glad it did. (Paul, too.)  So thanks to Tom and Sherri Stoner. (And her husband, M.D. Sweeney, our Acme director, who recommended us.)

Note: After thirteen years of blogging, I'm running out of life events to chronicle.

Notes: 2019

A little hyperbole last year. I have plenty of life events and more on the way. Now then, Paul's episode was about a pet shop, I believe. In 1991 I wrote on a Mac Classic. (They look so quaint now, like a fancy radio from 1938.) Jeffrey Dahmer, Silence of the Lambs, Thelma and Louise, the unraveling of the Soviet Union and the number of computers on the newly commercialized Web reached one million.

Not mine, but similar.

Notes: 2020

What a year! (Wednesday will be 29 years, but close enough.) Pandemics, riots, politics. It's like 1968 on crystal meth. What's new? Well. You can now obtain the Top 5 Dating Tips of H.P. Lovecraft. Yes, that weird horror guy. For details, go to this nifty spot.