Seven Things Not to Say in a Pitch Meeting

For the novice starting a TV animation career, here are seven diamond-encrusted ways to turn your big chance into a cautionary tale for others.

1. Why doesn't this studio ever buy anything I bring in here?
In the animation world, ask and you shall not receive.

2. How many dim bulbs get to make notes on the scripts?
This query ensures you won't remain around long enough to count them.

3. My agent says you have fecal incontinence.
Possibly so but a seasoned animation veteran leaves medical issues for a more relaxed time.

4. Pilots are for timid losers. Do you have the nuts to go directly to 65 half hours?
Brashness can lead to ample free time.

5. I worked hard on this pitch and all you do is smile and nod like a dog hanging out a car window.
Pithy observations are best shared with peers and not animation executives.

6. Hey, this office has a killer view. I can see the car I'm living in!
Sadly, economic prejudice is alive and well in Hollywood.

7. When I worked here before, I would lock my office door and inflate a plastic woman.
This sort of provocative anecdote demands a strong response such as 'be silent and go away now.'
Image: 50 Tips to Making It in Hollywood

The Sitter Review Up at F.O.G.

Forces of Geek hosts my latest in-depth look at cinema. This week—The Sitter:

On the surface this movie appears to be an 81-minute, R-rated version of Uncle Buck, but underneath simmers a bold statement about the price men pay for transgressing gender roles in the baby-sitting field.

Jonah Hill’s character Noah Griffith is a self-absorbed slacker, suspended from college.

Needing money, he babysits his neighbor’s three semi-feral children. When his girlfriend (Ari Graynor) invites him to a party with the promise of sex, Griffith packs up the annoying youngsters and drives into the land of unintended consequences.

A raunchy, hormone fest aimed at teenage boys?

Ah, there’s the cunning.

Read the rest here.

Ebook 'Em, Dano

There's no reason these days not to Ebook it. I'm following my own advice. As soon as I complete this particular manuscript I'm Ebooking the bastard. (I've had plenty of time to let the story simmer.)

Here's a collection of tips from a site that specializes in this fascinating electronic form of fun.

Famous Birthday Friends

Thank you very much to all who have, so far, wished me Happy Birthday. In thinking of this day, I am reminded of several famous Americans who share my date of birth. I will list three and examine their accomplishments as compared to mine.

1. Martin Van Buren - b. Dec. 5, 1782

2. George Armstrong Custer - b. Dec. 5, 1839

3. Walt Disney - b. Dec. 5, 1901

4. John P. McCann - b. Dec. 5, 1952

1. Martin Van Buren succeeded greatly in becoming the 8th President of the United States but was hardly remembered even in his own day. He had a large bull frog stuffed and used as an ink well in the White House. However President Taft later sat on it by accident and they had to throw the thing out. That's about it.

2. George Armstrong Custer succeeded greatly as a soldier in the Civil War but had a mixed record fighting Indians. (1-1-2, I think.) He is best remembered for his spectacular fail at the Battle of the Little Big Horn. At first, everything was going well; then it all fell apart under an Indian tsunami. In later years, Custer had a park named after him as well as a monument and a movie where his part was played by Errol Flynn. That's a whole lot more than Van Buren ever got.

3. Walt Disney succeeded greatly in animation, a pioneer in the filed, creator of iconic characters—but not the word 'iconic' which was invented by junior execs.—established Disney studios and Disneyland and is remembered to this day. Nonetheless his body is frozen in a vault beneath Disney's Burbank lot and should Walt be reanimated and start making decisions again it could effect his legacy.

4. John P. McCann was greatly successful as a Hollywood atmosphere player. McCann was the ship-board stand-in for a Canadian actor portraying Errol Flynn in My Wicked, Wicked Ways. In addition, he is visible from behind catching Dennis Quaid's jacket at around 1:19 in a clip from Great Balls of Fire.
More successful in animation, McCann created the non-iconic character of The Huntsman. For the next fifteen years, he piggy-backed onto as many successful shows as his friends would allow. While the record is still being written, outsiders agree that McCann will be remembered by Bank of America and several other creditors who might reasonably feel gypped should he pass from the scene within the next several months.

Images: whitehouse.gov, Parcbench, fold3

Tuba Christmas Explained

According to regular poster—and crack euphonium player—Luke:

"Tuba Christmas is a city -wide gathering of euphonium and tuba players. Players gather in the morning and practice familiar Christmas songs, which are then performed in a public pla ce such as a local mall, or public park. The best part is, Tuba Christmas travels all over the country, allowing tuba player AND euphonium players from across the United States a chance to show off their chops. Players are encouraged to wear their best Christmas sweater, and decorate their instrument in a festive manner."

A list of cities featuring Tuba Christmas may be found here:

tubachristmas.com/

Luke closed by adding that the sound is "powerful, dark, and, majestic."

Behold Tuba Christmas!


h/t: the baltimorehorn

"Fresh Ideas" Bound for Spring Reprint

A dark tale of a man who gives fate a tiny assist in order to advance in business, my short story, "Fresh Ideas," will be included in the Spring 2012 anthology Uncle John's Flush Fiction.

The Uncle John's publishing empire was founded on the belief that short, interesting and funny articles should be made available to the general public for their toilet-sitting education and amusement.

"Flush Fiction" will be a collection of flash fiction — under a thousand words or about three double-spaced pages — and I'm honored to have made the cut.

Hopefully, you'll enjoy "Fresh Ideas" very soon as mirth is said to ease tortured bowels. Or, at least, it's said by guys with stories coming out in bathroom-themed anthologies.

Image: flickr

The Artist Review Up at F.O.G.

At Forces of Geek, my insightful report on contemporary silent film, The Artist.

I almost threw up my Brie and Triscuits.

How in the world can you release a film and forget the dialogue track?

I know it’s incredible when you think of how many people must sign off on a major motion picture. And yet there were the actors speaking on screen but no voices emerged.

More here.

Mars Attacks Cards (or Topps of the Morning To Ye)

Topps Mars Attacks Cards here in all their glory. On the back of each card was a little nugget of story re. the front image as well an update on a Martian invasion of Earth. (In the one to your left, the Martian has a seedy attraction to women's sleep wear.)

I had high hopes for the Tim Burton film version but it turned into campy schtick. I loved these back in the day. You could buy a pack of five and they came with a flat, thin piece of bubble gum. We really did try to collect them all.

Image: Golden Age Comic Book Stories
h/t: Cartoonatics

Get Yer Turtle-Duck On

If you live in and around the LA area, animation ace Rich Arons is signing copies of his kids' book this Sunday. You've still got till tomorrow to RSVP. Go, get a signed copy or three for Christmas. Say 'hi' to Rich. Ask him to draw you something—but buy a book first.

Image: Hound Comics

Indo-Jew Bowl Results

Jewish and folks from the sub-continent square off every year in the Indo-Jew Bowl. It's played in my old hometown of Skokie, Illinois, a northern suburb of Chicago best known for opposing a march by Nazis who never made it off the Expressway. Observe this past contest.


h/t IllinoisNinth via Big Peace

Note: The Jews won decisively this year 19 to 6.

Happy Chowing

Here's my T-Day six years ago, shortly after this blog opened for business.