Marvels Pitch Meeting Restarts the Sun

A bit dated, but worth a peek. I love this comic and his inane writer/Hollywood exec. characters. Watch the writer sell the exec. the klunky plot in Disney's The Marvels.

 

Pitch Meeting

When Shriners Attack v.3

 

(Every seven years or so, I like to repost this nugget from an earlier time.)

From two years ago, this is a slightly augmented version of my last—to date—offering from the Slush Pile.
 
(Here is the third edition of Tales From The Hollywood Slush Pile exploring the quarter million unsolicited screenplays that perish each year, passed over and forgotten along with their authors. This week we examine a work that sought to explore the depths of paranoia, but just didn't.)

“Dawn and a small Oregon town sleeps deeply like a sloppy drunk on New Year’s day. Suddenly the early morning peace is split by the sound of many tiny engines. 

Then they appear. 

A young women out jogging is the first to see them, riding out of the mist. She screams a forlorn scream of terror and despair and a darker emotion too primal to name but sometimes heard in Costco. 

But it is too late. 

They are many. 

They are Shriners. 

And they have come to rule.” 

Image: betterphoto.com

 
The above passage was taken from an outline prepared by Lisa Manly-Guam. Author of the screenplay, They Came in Little Cars, (originally titled Mark of the Fez). Manly-Guam was a 24-year-old activist from Salem, Oregon. Other than writing this cryptic photo play, she remains a cipher. All we know for certain is that Lisa believed passionately in odd things.

One of her outré fears involved a patriarchal coup undertaken by the Shriners, an offshoot of the Masons. Formed as a fraternal order in 1870, the Ancient Arabic Order of the Nobles of the Mystic Shrine, or Shriners, are noted for charitable works, wearing silly hats and riding little cars in parades. In Manly-Guam’s opus, they are the hidden hand behind the world’s ills, infiltrating politics and banking; biding their time, tugging strings from the shadows.

And then one day they strike.

 In her 1997 tale, the small town of Pine Head, Oregon is overrun by a Shriner horde. Shocked citizens cannot escape and must endure a reign of enforced fun. Our protagonist is the same jogger from the outline, Jenny Loam. In the wake of invasion, she find herself isolated as her parents and siblings embrace the Shriner ethos of good times and service. Loam stays silent, outwardly complying, even joining a Shriner women’s auxiliary, the Daughters of the Nile.

But inwardly, she vows to throw off the Shriner yoke.

Eventually Loam forms a guerrilla band, obtains automatic weapons and ambushes the Shriners at their weekly parade. Steel-jacked slugs riddle the invaders. Little cars crash, bursting into little flames. The Shriners attempt to fight back, hurling water balloons, but they are cut down like bunch grass. The film ends on a close shot of a bloody fez.

Registered with the Writers Guild of America West, Manley-Guam's screenplay landed at Sun Nova Pictures, a small independent production company. The coverage was puzzled.

      “The Shriner Menace failed to deliver. They came across as goofy but benign.”

     “Didn’t the Shriners build a hospital in Pine Head? Killing them sends a mixed message.”
       
     “Perhaps the story would make more sense if Jenny’s parents were maimed by a little car.”

Out of the slush pile and into the wastebasket.

No more is know about the subsequent life of Lisa Manly-Guam and her Shrinerphobic epic. She remains anonymous. But that happens. Unknown authors are as common in this town as…well…unknown screenplays.

But now a lost tale has finally been told.

Free Republic

 

English Ditched from CA Ballot

 

Jest Videos

Strange doings take place in a decaying state.

Disney and Mossad Interrogate Hamas

 War Forges Strange Partnerships

If the Mouse is determined to make woke flops, then someone, somewhere will spot a hidden advantage in such films.

 Jest Videos

'Male and Pale is Stale' Leads to 'Flop Busters'

 

Dream Factory Now a Nightmare for Some

 

h/t: Ace of Spades HQ

 

 

An anonymous member of the Writers Guild of America has posted an open letter to the guild pointing out the hazards of DEI.  (A more nuanced defintion here.) Said writer posted the letter to a movie critic site called Film Threat instead of the entertainment industry press.

The letter speaks of a climate of fear smothering Hollywood as the top-down push for DEI is resulting in discrimination against white males and the hiring of writers for no other reason than the color of their skin or sexual preferences. This leads to the production of expensive 'flop busters' such as The Marvels or the latest Indiana Jones.

Sadly, animation—South Park excepted—was gobbled up by DEI years ago.

There's more in the open letter. Also, if you must watch video, check out YouTube Channel Film Threat's take on the subject. 

The clash between enforced DEI and productivity is being waged across many industries. Now Hollywood must choose between the illusion of fairness and product quality, in addition to appeasing the Chinese.

South Park best summed up the effects of DEI on creativity:

(Language Warning)

 

Joke Lol

Making Fun of TikTok

A trio of shorts poking fun at that social media magnet for the disturbed: TikTok.

Jest Videos

 

Top 3 Visualizations for Dogs

Do Dogs Crave Calm?

View and learn. 

John P. McCann Channel

Epic Gift-Wrapping Fail

 Not everything goes smoothly over the holiday season. A smple gift-wrapping can turn into a chore if approached with the wrong mindset.

John P. McCann Channel

TikTokers React to Pearl Harbor

Educated by the dim, today's youth respond to the 82th anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

 

Jest Videos

Tasteless TikTok Take on Osama Bin Laden

 TikTok: Where the Abnormal Relax

Ah, TikTok, the 21st Century home for hostile odd people. In keeping with their standards, TikTokers have recently discovered a new crush: Osama Bin Ladin. Why the architect of the 911 attacks is now viewed as cool will be discussed by future historians—I hope.

Jest Videos

The Marvels Sold for Fertilizer

 Lessons Learned?

Disney no longer knows their audience. Thankfully, non-tradtional markets exist for their products.

Jest Videos

Killer Giraffe Caught in the Act

 

A Long Neck Can Hide an Evil Mind

Another day, another video on the eerie qualities of giraffes. They are tricky creatures and conceal malice behind affection. Don't be like a giraffe.

John P. McCann Channel

Rare African Fire Giraffes

 Tall, Graceful, and Full-of Flame

What if you could be all those things? How different would your life be?

Jest Videos

Hollywood Squashes Wall-E

A Robot Learns There's No Business Like Show Business 

Tinsel Town can be oh-so cruel. Watch the rise and fall of a robot star.

Jest Video

George Orwell Poem on Puppies and Teddy Bears

 

More fun with AI as George Orwell pens some verse on the topic of fun fluffy things.

Ciinnamon-Stars Deviant Art

Long Live Stuffed Brother!

In the land of innocence and plush delight,

Where fluffy tyrants rule with all their might,

Puppies and teddy bears, a surreal sight,

In a world of propaganda, we'll now recite.

 

The puppies, round and soft, so sweet and pure,

But in their eyes, a watchful, secret lure.

Their fluffy paws, a grip so firm and sure,

They play the part, but motives are obscure.

 

Teddy bears, with button eyes, so sly,

In the arms of children, they comply.

A symbol of comfort, as we imply,

But who's the master in this wicked lie?

 

In this utopia of cuddles and play,

The puppies and bears have a role to convey.

They're tools of control, in a subtle way,

As innocence withers, and freedoms decay.

 

They listen in silence, these loyal spies,

Gathering secrets, with their woolly guise.

Whispered confessions, each baby's cries,

In the name of safety, liberty dies.

 

Big Brother watches, through the guise of fluff,

Tracking our lives, and it's more than enough.

As we hug our teddies, and play with our pups,

The surveillance state only tightens its cuffs.

 

So remember, my friends, in this tale so grim,

The cute and the cuddly, it's all a scheme.

In the spirit of Orwell, let's not be dim,

For the truth lies hidden, in this puppy dream.

—ChatGPT

The Dark Knight's Gloomy Day

 

Even our heroes experience time in the dumps.

John P. McCann Channel

Is Gaza The World's Largest Open Air Prison?

 What has upset some people?

Over the past two weeks in the media, I've heard any number of Palestinian boosters use the title phrase. So I made a wry remark. While the current Middle East war is bound to raise passions, was said remark especially hurtful? Give it a look. You decide. 

  

John P. McCann Channel

Winnie the Pooh Must Die!

Oh, Pooh

Beloved denizen of the Hundred Acre Wood faces off against unknown toughies

 who later reflect on their deeds.

 

John P. McCann Channel

Top 5 Tips to Avoid Leprosy

No One Parties With the Unclean

 Learn how to prevent leprosy with these quick and essential tips! Leprosy, caused by Mycobacterium leprae, can be avoided through good hygiene, awareness, and certain unusual practices that seem odd. Watch this short satirical video to discover the key steps to keeping yourself and your loved ones from being branded unclean and driven from the neighborhood. Stay informed and stay healthy.

Top 5 Tips

For more fun videos visit the John P. McCann Channel and/or Jest Videos.

Hundred Acre-Holocaust Video

 The Fruits of Bad Diplomacy

Hopefully, Pooh and friends went underground with many honey pots. (Today was also a bad day for the Order of the Templars.) 

John P. McCann Channel