Vile Butchery via The Onion

How ugly, this creative process.

Ha!

Ha, ha! Ha! More writing today and more on the burner for tomorrow. Non-animated, but paying nonetheless. What a plump Christmas bonanza of TV last night. LOR-2 plus Christmas Story plus Wizard of Oz; the channel changer was on fire.

Christmas Eve

Well, here we are. Christmas looms. I'm pleased to be sitting in my sweat clothes blogging away on a sunny morning. If Santa brought me a new writing desk tomorrow—or the means to obtain one—I'd be delighted. My ideal desk would have vertical book shelves built in and an intricate Japanese device that would complete writing projects (in English) so I could devote more time to sloth and sloth-friendly activities.

My book has locked up near the finish line, legs turned to cement by lactic acid. It's shuffling forward slowly, knowing its bounce will return in time. I've had many wee writing projects since September, all paying little, some paying less, but all paying something. My day is quite occupied writing items humorous or not for different blogs and websites. Multiple deadlines make the time zip past. And while a few more bucks wouldn't hurt, I count myself fortunate to be writing as opposed to unloading mail trucks or monitoring burglar alarms or shooting mad dogs for the county—which had its moments.

A most Merry Christmas to all. My the Jolly One bring you all manner of jolly things.

Advice for New Writers

Teens write, read, meet and collaborate on fiction over at Figment. I'm pitching the site on a column where an older, experienced writer teaches a new generation how to complain, brood, and properly nurse resentments so they mature into depression. This is vital to the writing experience and a must for young scribes. (Picture: scienceblogs.com)

Board With Life

Acme Comedy Theatre doesn't rate a peep, but former carpenter Adam Carolla manages to nail down the laconic wisdom while lost in Boston. (Photo: Huffington Post)

Blog Anniversary

Five years writing this and that. Since 2005, I've stacked up:

Visits: 28,871

Page Views: 48,359

There are Whales of the Web that log numbers like those in a hour, but I prefer a more pastoral pace in cyberspace.

Thank you all for stopping by.

Ape an Artist

Can't think of anything to write? Draw a monkey.(Bearing in mind that if it were a real monkey it would be plotting your death. Extreme? Well, that's how they roll.)

Injury Depression Bloat

Fat suit. That's what I face this Saturday. I have a wedding to attend. I must wear a suit. But I have a big weight problem brought on by depression and overeating. (Starting in mid-August when my knee tanked.) For the last two weeks its been a lot of broccoli and salads. Off to the gym in a half-hour to sweat a bit. I feel like a wrestler trying to cut weight. Or a guy who sits around in sweat pants at a computer all day wondering where the pounds came from.

Link to Onion Screenplay Article

Sometimes they need tweaking.

Submission

This guy is only half-kidding.

Writerly Pep Talk

From the ashes arises the City of Tucson...or a phoenix. In any case, author J.K. Rowling cites failure as a catalyst to success.

Reading Over Surfing

My friend Bernadette had this up on Facebook, touting a book that examines the importance of reading books in the face of Internet fun.

Tom Sheppard in the Paper

Freakazoid!/ P&B writer Tom Sheppard got mentioned in the LA Times for his YouTube work. Tom's a good fellow, deserving of continued success.
Via Julie McNally Cahill on Facebook

Commence to Read

Ever grown up? Started something? Opened a door for the first time? Check out the writing at Dysfunctional Beginnings and give yourself a fresh start.

My Latest Writing Formula

I've finished the next part of the novel's first draft. It comes out to exactly 27,522 words. Throw in my original story and you've got about 150 pages of mostly junk. I'll take a wee break, then write the last section. I've stopped trying to craft coherent sentences and have settled on a method that is part writing, part outline, part stream-of-consciousness, and a lot of notes to myself. In any case, like the erosion of the Rocky Mountains, I'm getting there.

Patsy Cline Bio Piece

Patsy Cline would be 78 today. Check out my mini bio of the talented, but doomed, country/pop star.

The Year in Fiction

Back in 2009 around this time I wrote a post in which I hoped to sell ten short stories in six months. (Note: the fire I mentioned finally went out and Colin Wells returned safely home from Afghanistan, got married and is completing his Army service.)

I have sold 4 stories—my sidebar tells the tale—out of 21 submissions with one story still out. I expanded a short story into a novella which I'm now expanding into a several hundred page novel.

For the last three years, animation writing has morphed into a maze consisting mostly of dead ends. That could change rapidly, but so far has resisted the impulse.

In any case, nothing gets finished by wishing and wanting, so on I go. Halloween is my deadline for finishing the novel's first draft. I hate and resent the novel. It's like a five-pound bee you can neither kill nor drive from your home.

October 31. Death to the bee!

Author Reading on a Hot Afternoon

Yesterday afternoon, my friend Bernadette organized a reading in a private home. About eight authors presented an eclectic mix of poetry and prose. My wife read a short story she's intending to send out. And, despite a five-minute time limit, I got a good response from "Dagon and Jill." (At least the portion I could read in five minutes.) Hot as the surface of Mercury outside, but the air conditioning worked and there were numerous fresh-baked goodies. We stole several small, easily pawnable items from our host but we're caught and asked to return them. This marred the event somewhat, but will make a nice story for the next one.

Well Said, Don Roff

Over at Forces of Geek, author Roff offers sage advice on meeting the daily word count. I've encountered many of his pitfalls enroute to my own 1k a day.

My wife and I are away this afternoon to a gathering of fellow writers. There we'll each read a few pages from our various works. (I'll present about 5 minutes worth from the recently purchased "Dagon and Jill.") Nice people, good atmosphere, free food—everything a writer needs.

Writing News

"Death Honk" remains front page at the Journal of Microliterature. Stop by and give it your finest read.

Also, "Fresh Ideas" clings to the #2 Top Story spot at Every Day Fiction. If deemed appropriate, more nice votes would help stave off the latest stories seeking to topple me from my second place perch.

The novel has been temporarily benched as I crank out a short story for an anthology with a due date of Aug. 31. In addition, I may begin working on a Young Adult novel involving a teenage protagonist and a creepy menace only he can see and no one else wants to acknowledge. Much will depend on how much interest exists for such a work in the Young Adult publishing world.

Today! New tires! Why didn't I lead with this? Ohhh, nuts. Brand new tires for meeeee!!