TVIT with Rob Paulsen

Well, it took a week but the wait was worth it. Episode Two of That Voiceover Improv Thing contained a healthy ration of laughs with special guest Rob Paulsen as well as celebrity impressions of Denzel Washington and Charlie Rose. Give a listen and, remember, if you can see it, it's not Voiceover Improv.
Image: Nairlalnd Blog

Fan Fic Freakazoid! Series

And what the deuce would a 21st century Freakazoid! series contain? Over at Ralph Dibny, Rafa Rivas really expended the time and effort in to envision such an occurrence. Check out his concepts on story and artwork, as Rafa combines a little Bruce Timm with a lot of Tom Ruegger to bring us new adventures of the super teen extraordinaire.

On a more sober note, health issues continue to zap me like a small man with electric fingers. And while the general trend is upwards, the journey contains side roads, detours, and messy spills that don't bear public discussion. But my spirits are good, my wife, an angel, my family and friends of service, and I don't need a doughnut to sit on just yet.

Paul Rugg Podcasts with Kevinn Gomez

Image: Voodoo Rules

I return from incredible medical adventures: pain, drugs, baffling complications, and a nurse who pronounced "nausea" as "nocha."

As I slowly recover, tuck into this interview with Friends in Hell podcaster Kevinn Gomez chatting with voice-over and animation ace Paul Rugg. Learn more about Freakazette and the voice actors who backed the Guy With Lighting in His Hair.

http://kevinn-gomez-9.podomatic.com/entry/2014-09-24T12_49_07-07_00

Mystery of The Pilfered Gnome

Dame Medicine holds me in her sterile clutches, so no posts for a few days. Until my return, I present you an excerpt from a young adult mystery series posted a few years back.

Jimmy Lee Caper: Jerkwad Teen Detective by Preston Haggis.)

Volume VI: Mystery of The Pilfered Gnome

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Jimmy Lee Caper - rude, selfish, junior detective.

Elmo Montpelier - Jimmy's best friend, an affable, young hunchback.

Professor Lincoln Mancrisp - Stern headmaster of Quillham Academy; addicted to pizza rolls.

Hannah Hooverton - Jimmy's clever, ambitious classmate.

Dr. Thane Blackingham - Eerie, mysterious owner of a tall dark tower.

——————————————————————————————————————————

CHAPTER ONE

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?

"I wonder what the old creep wants now?" said Jimmy, rapping sharply on Professor Mancrisp's office door.

"He sounded mad," whispered Elmo."I think this time we're really gonna get it."

"Don't be such a baby, Mount McKinley."

Elmo rubbed his hunchback defensively. "Do you have to call me that?"

"Yeah, I do. There's an alp growing out of your back."

 The door swung open and Professor Mancrisp towered over the boys, a pizza roll stuck in his great red beard. "Enter, young gentlemen. We're going to discuss a missing lawn gnome. I hope for your sakes that you didn't take it.

Exchanging worried glances, Jimmy and Elmo entered the Professor's cluttered office. They sat upon stacks of books while the professor cleared space on his desk, shoving aside a microwave oven and several pepperoni pizza roll boxes. Perching on a desk corner, the professor wiped away the dangling roll from his beard and grasped a long ash cane. "I want answers."

"Or what?" sneered Jimmy.

Professor Mancrisp smacked the cane down on his desk. "Don't cross me, Mr. Caper, or I'll beat you so hard you'll wail like an old Cheyenne squaw at a massacre."

Elmo pondered the professor's complex threat as Jimmy said weakly, "Better not," Jimmy respected brute force and knew from bitter experience the Professor wasn't bluffing. And for that, he'd pay back Professor Mancrisp someday in a coin of woe.

"The Great Gnome of Quillham has gone missing,"said the professor. "It was last seen yesterday evening in its customary place before the administration building. This morning, one of your peers, Miss Hooverton, reported it missing.

"Ha," snorted Jimmy. "Hanna's nose is browner than a turd. She probably swiped it so she could report it missing and win suck-up points with the teachers."

"Hanna wouldn't do that," cried Elmo."She's kind and decent."

"What do you know, mountain back?"

Professor Mancrisp pointed the ash cane at Jimmy. "That sounds like another hunchback insult. Apologize to Mr. Montpelier."

"Oh, Jimmy was just kidding. It doesn't bother me," said Elmo as Jimmy mumbled something vaguely apologetic. Elmo smiled politely,  but in his mind he crafted an image of Jimmy with one foot caught in a storm grate as a fiery iron mallet descended from the sky, smashing Jimmy Caper into flaming, bloody chunks.

The Professor frowned. "Why do you pal around with him, Mr. Montpelier? He insults you, borrows money that he never repays, and often puts a football under the back of his shirt, the better to mock you. Don't you deserve better?"

 Elmo shrugged. "My Auntie says it's a moral test: if I can hang out with Jimmy all through Quillham, there isn't anything I can't do in life. And after graduation, she'll pay for an operation to remove my hump. At least she says she will. Nothings on paper."

"That's the way it goes," sneered Jimmy in a mocking sing-song.

The professor sighed, seemed about to comment, but shrugged and said, "In any case, that plaster Gnome with its vacant politician's smile, has stood upon the lawns of Quillham for 113 years. It is part of our rich heritage. Now suddenly it's gone. What do you know, Mr. Caper?"

"Man, I didn't take your stupid Gnome. But I'll bet I could learn who did. I bet I could find out before you."

"Really, Mr. Caper? I admit, you've had some success solving small mysteries around here. A few people think you're a young Sherlock Holmes."

"Who's that?"

"Skip it. But I think you've benefited from blind luck and observant companions."

"That's a load," yelled Jimmy. "I'm the smart one. I'm the one who figures things out. And I'll find that gnome and you'll look as dumb as an old wino eating pizza rolls under a bridge."

With a whistling crack, the professor brought the ash cane down on Jimmy's hand.

"Owww! What was that for?"

"Metaphorical insults count the same as real ones. Very well, Mr. Caper. Locate the gnome and we'll discuss our respective intelligence later."

Jimmy smirked. "What do I get for finding it?"

Professor Mancrisp held up the ash cane. "Think more along the lines of what you won't get."

Outside the faculty building, Jimmy and Elmo walked quickly, pulling Quillham blazers tight around their collars in the crisp autumn air. Jimmy seethed, shaking his sore hand. "Where does that old fart get off hitting me?"

"I don't know," said Elmo, still enjoying the moment, relishing the hours he'd replay it in his mind.

 Jimmy seemed mystified. "Nothing sticks to him. I've ratted the professor out to Child Protective Services for beating me with that stick. I've planted kiddie porn on his computer and called the feds. I've told the cops he was an old fruit who tried to queer me. I swear, the guy is made of Lucite. Stuff that's worked with every teacher, parent, child psychologist, social worker, and counselor just slides off old Mancrisp. What's worse, he's becoming a hero to other adults. I gotta find a way to pull the plug on Professor Pizza Roll."

Elmo struggled to keep up with Jimmy."What about the gnome?"

"How the hell should I know? You got five?"

Elmo handed him a new five-dollar bill. "Thanks, McKinley," said Jimmy as he jogged across the quad, away from the hunchback. "I'm gonna get a burger at the student center. Why don't you ask around, see what we can dig up on the gnome. Are we cool?"

"Hey, no problem," called Elmo to Jimmy's back. For a brief moment, he wished he could mentally kill people like in Firestarter, but the impulse passed and Elmo wearily waddled off toward the administration building.

He saw Hannah and waved. She waved back. Elmo started toward her but was suddenly struck on the head by a water balloon, dropped from a nearby tall mysterious tower.  Drenched, Elmo examined the remains of the balloon.

It was then he found the note.

A moment after he realized the balloon hadn't been filled with water.

Paul Rugg Podcasts TVIT

As mentioned back in July, medical maladies mount up with massive malevolence. Why so coy? Why not name my poison? Why so much stinking alliteration?

Because of commerce.

My health care runs out shortly and medical expenses mount. However my niece has a flair for business and suggested that I Kickstart a light-hearted, yet helpful, book project about my ongoing health issues. Top contributors could receive some heady, if offbeat, premiums.

I'm seriously mulling this over. If I decide, I will make an announcement in two weeks, depending, of course, on my health.

Meanwhile, in the world of podcast improvisation, Paul Rugg and troupe aired their first episode last Wednesday. Many fine laughs were provided free of charge. From a technical stand-point, I found streaming on the blog to be smoother than clicking onto the provided link. But one must factor in that my laptop is so old it runs on pine knots. Nevertheless, Paul and company will return on October 15th with an as-yet-unnamed guest.

A bucket of chuckles awaits.

Image: 1Mim.com

TVIT with Eric Bauza

I'm assured that a microphone with rays will be used.

At 8:00 PM Pacific Time, to be exact. Listen as Paul Rugg, Eric Bauza and other comedic improv and voice over actors take suggestions and run with them as if they were in a fine theater. Only they'll be podcasting. Other than that, there's no difference. No real difference. Name one, if you can.

Listen to That Voiceover Improv Thing, oh, listen here.

Image: Fineart America

Rugg Wrestles Dalai Lama

He could have sat on the sidelines, but no, my friends. Paul Rugg has hurled himself into the whirlwind, joining myself and others in again beseeching His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama to review The Little Book of Big Enlightenment. Rugg wished "Mr. Lama" to know:

Nihil Obstat

"JP Mac's The Little Book Big Enlightenment will change your life...as it has mine. I'll give you an example: this morning when I woke up I didn't cry uncontrollably at the thought of facing another day. Instead I turned to page 32 of The Little Book Of Big Enlightenment and used one of its many helpful tips to find inner peace. Then I had coffee. Then I wrote a poem. Then I paid some delinquent bills."

And there's more over at Froynlaven. 

In the news, the Dalai Lama has just called for an inter-faith conference in India. How long do you think that took? A minute, maybe. ('Why don't we have an inter-faith conference right here in the sub continent? Okay? Make it so.') While waiting for inter-faiths to gather, His Holiness could be reading The Little Book of Big Enlightenment, because it is a very fast read. His wisdom will make a wise, but short, book even wiser. (But no shorter.)

Contact the 14th DL at:

Office: ohhdl@dalailama.com

Website Feedback:  webmaster@dalailama.com

Ask him nicely if he'll please review The Little Book of Big Enlightenment. Oh, and His Holiness has a spokesman named Galek Namgyal. That's probably who you'll end up talking to . . .  Galek the Gatekeeper. 

Don't be rude. Don't giggle at his name. However insist that Galek earn his soup by passing on your review request to the DL.

I mindfully thank you. Enjoy some kale.

Office: ohhdl@dalailama.com

Website Feedback:  webmaster@dalailama.com - See more at: http://writeenough.blogspot.com/2014/09/dalai-lama-challenged-to-review-little.html#sthash.rfMwkl2y.dpuf

Office: ohhdl@dalailama.com

Website Feedback:  webmaster@dalailama.com - See more at: http://writeenough.blogspot.com/2014/09/dalai-lama-challenged-to-review-little.html#sthash.rfMwkl2y.dpuf

Office: ohhdl@dalailama.com

Website Feedback:  webmaster@dalailama.com - See more at: http://writeenough.blogspot.com/2014/09/dalai-lama-challenged-to-review-little.html#sthash.rfMwkl2y.dpu

Hollywood Slush Pile: When Shriners Attack

From two years ago, this is a slightly augmented version of my last—to date—offering from the Slush Pile.
 
(Here is the third edition of Tales From The Hollywood Slush Pile exploring the quarter million unsolicited screenplays that perish each year, passed over and forgotten along with their authors. This week we examine a work that sought to explore the depths of paranoia, but just didn't.)

“Dawn and a small Oregon town sleeps deeply like a sloppy drunk on New Year’s day. Suddenly the early morning peace is split by the sound of many tiny engines. 

Then they appear. 

A young women out jogging is the first to see them, riding out of the mist. She screams a forlorn scream of terror and despair and a darker emotion too primal to name but sometimes heard in Costco. 

But it is too late. 

They are many. 

They are Shriners. 

And they have come to rule.” 

Image: betterphoto.com

 
The above passage was taken from an outline prepared by Lisa Manly-Guam. Author of the screenplay, They Came in Little Cars, (originally titled Mark of the Fez). Manly-Guam was a 24-year-old activist from Salem, Oregon. Other than writing this cryptic photo play, she remains a cipher. All we know for certain is that Lisa believed passionately in odd things.

One of her outré fears involved a patriarchal coup undertaken by the Shriners, an offshoot of the Masons. Formed as a fraternal order in 1870, the Ancient Arabic Order of the Nobles of the Mystic Shrine, or Shriners, are noted for charitable works, wearing silly hats and riding little cars in parades. In Manly-Guam’s opus, they are the hidden hand behind the world’s ills, infiltrating politics and banking; biding their time, tugging strings from the shadows.

And then one day they strike.

 In her 1997 tale, the small town of Pine Head, Oregon is overrun by a Shriner horde. Shocked citizens cannot escape and must endure a reign of enforced fun. Our protagonist is the same jogger from the outline, Jenny Loam. In the wake of invasion, she find herself isolated as her parents and siblings embrace the Shriner ethos of good times and service. Loam stays silent, outwardly complying, even joining a Shriner women’s auxiliary, the Daughters of the Nile.

But inwardly, she vows to throw off the Shriner yoke.

Eventually Loam forms a guerrilla band, obtains automatic weapons and ambushes the Shriners at their weekly parade. Steel-jacked slugs riddle the invaders. Little cars crash, bursting into little flames. The Shriners attempt to fight back, hurling water balloons, but they are cut down like bunch grass. The film ends on a close shot of a bloody fez.

Registered with the Writers Guild of America West, Manley-Guam's screenplay landed at Sun Nova Pictures, a small independent production company. The coverage was puzzled.

      “The Shriner Menace failed to deliver. They came across as goofy but benign.”

     “Didn’t the Shriners build a hospital in Pine Head? Killing them sends a mixed message.”
       
     “Perhaps the story would make more sense if Jenny’s parents were maimed by a little car.”

Out of the slush pile and into the wastebasket.

No more is know about the subsequent life of Lisa Manly-Guam and her Shrinerphobic epic. She remains anonymous. But that happens. Unknown authors are as common in this town as…well…unknown screenplays.

But now a lost tale has finally been told.

Free Republic

Little Book Slams New Age

SVP Wiki

There is much to recommend The Little Book of Big Enlightenment. Now there is even more: a cogent description! To the point:

"You don't need to know dharma from doughnuts to enjoy this lighthearted look at New Age practices and direct mail marketing. Because of legal wrangling and a "chakra mishap," a book on rapid spiritual enlightenment has been released with two completely different styles. On the one hand, you have the soothing mindfulness of New Age Master Lompoc Tollhaus, informing you about his discovery of "condensed enlightenment." On the other hand, you have the brash, edgy copy of ghostwriter JP Mac, pushing spirituality with all the finesse of a man selling Ginsu Knives on late night cable.


Guru and ghostwriter snark, snipe, and leak embarrassing personal information as they inform readers about a three-step method for attaining a new consciousness in the time it takes to read the "Little Book." In addition, Tollhaus and Mac both warn against the deceptions practiced by New Age corporate giants, better known as "Big Spirit."

However, in the midst of their squabbles, something subtle and unexpected occurs, forcing Lompoc Tollhaus to decide whether he really believes in his own discovery.

It's Deepak Chopra versus a Viagra salesman in a short, fast "Little Book" that delivers a rainbow of laughs."

This new description is up on Smashwords now and will be on Amazon shortly.  Oddly enough, you may purchase the "Little Book" on such sites as:

1. Amazon

http://tinyurl.com/kw5gqla

2. Smashwords

http://tinyurl.com/mc4qyde

3. Barnes and Noble

http://tinyurl.com/plskr89

4. Baker & Taylor Blio

http://tinyurl.com/kelodlp

5. Kobo

http://tinyurl.com/k526knu

Paul Rugg Podcast Part 2

Animaniacs Wiki

 Stop by podcast Friends from Hell for twenty-five minutes of Paul Rugg recollections, courtesy of host Kevinn Gomez. Hear how Mr. Director became an Animaniacs character and discover the history of "froynlaven."

Update: If you happen to be in the mood for even more Paul Rugg, mark next Wed. Sept. 17, as Paul and friends launch their first improvised podcast. Check out That Voiceover Improv Thing for more details and the name of a special guest.  

Freak-a-con Inbound for 2015

Image: Covers.com

 Twenty years ago next year, Freakazoid! went into full-fledged production. And look where it is today! Actually, that's the point. Negotiations so secret that I must shhhhhhhh myself are underway that could lead to a festive weekend of Freakazoid related events and panels and—please don 't be cross if it doesn't happen—a bear riding a motorcycle.

Paul Rugg has this to say about Freak-a-con.

In between 7Ding, Tom Ruegger may add his voice.

UPDATE: Tom has indeed spoken on the subject. 

But add your voice. If you'd like to attend Freak-a-con
leave a comment and tell us what you'd like to see.

Dalai Lama Ducking Review

Image: Healthy, Happy Green Blog

 His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, promoter of world harmony, spiritual leader of the Tibetan people, all-around Buddhist stud, has been asked by me to provide his thoughts and comments on The Little Book of Big Enlightenment. The Dalai Lama's insights on a short work that could revolutionize the field of spirituality will be invaluable. Despite a busy schedule, I believe His Holiness will approve of the phenomena of "rapid enlightenment," a three-step system guaranteed to bring a high consciousness to the great mass of humanity. I'm not saying the Dalai Lama is ducking the review. This is a man who smiles with compassion at Chinese commie thugs. But he is very busy with initiations, teaching and empowerments and might need a little nudge.

Help me help the Dalai Lama add his two spiritual cents to a groundbreaking, consciousness raising eBook, The Little Book of Big Enlightenment.

Contact the 14th Dalai Lama at:

Office: ohhdl@dalailama.com

Website Feedback:  webmaster@dalailama.com

Ask him to please provide his mindful comments on The Little Book of Big Enlightenment. 

And while I have already sent him a free review copy, let his Holiness know that The Little Book of Big Enlightenment is available at the following venues:

1. Amazon

http://tinyurl.com/kw5gqla

2. Smashwords

http://tinyurl.com/mc4qyde

3. Barnes and Noble

http://tinyurl.com/plskr89

4. Baker & Taylor Blio

http://tinyurl.com/kelodlp

5. Kobo

http://tinyurl.com/k526knu

Please tell his Holiness that it's a short work and he should be able to zip through the eBook in no time, especially if he skips the "Acknowledgements."

Thank you so much. I will post updates on the progress of the 14th Dalai Lama in reviewing my book on rapid spiritual enlightenment. 

Namaste, man. 

Hollywood Slush Pile Features Where's Aida?

Back again by demand that, while not popular, would be if it were heard. 
 
(Here is the second edition of a series exploring the quarter million unsolicited screenplays that perish each year, passed over and forgotten along with their authors. This week we highlight a strange comedy that came close to seeing the big screen.)

Vaughn Flores worked for a temp agency in Alhambra, giving typing tests, making coffee, and getting everyone to sign office birthday cards. Each night he returned to a small home in La Crescenta where he lived with Grandma Flores. One winter evening in 1994, while smoking pot in his room and watching Matlock, Vaughn decided to write a screenplay. Then he'd have one just like everyone else who worked at the temp agency.

By summer 2002, after numerous distractions and many bags of chili Fritos, his project was ready. He called the script, Where’s Aida? Vaughn’s surrealistic comedy revolved around the Zavala clan, an extended Mexican family and their pet cow Beso de Leche. A headstrong bovine, Beso constantly tries entering the house to watch television, preferring soap operas to soccer and news.

Whenever a crisis arises, the Zavalas call upon bossy-but-lovable daughter Aida to fix things. Never seen throughout the film, Aida is the measuring stick by which other characters resolve their conflicts—what would Aida do? After a big fight and chase, the movie ends with the Zavalas realizing Aida is a real pain-in-the-ass. They move without leaving her a forwarding address

Getting tips from his temp agency pals, Vaughn managed to land the script at 20^th Century Fox and Touchstone Pictures. But his work never passed the junior coverage readers. Said one about the screenplay: “More TV than film and bad TV at that, though I liked the cow.” Another wrote that 'Aida' seemed “a cross between Waiting for Godot and The George Lopez Show but with a funny cow.”

And so 'Aida' teetered before the plunge into that Tartarus of discarded visions called the Hollywood Slush Pile.

But in an odd twist, a company called Baja Quality Entertainment learned of the property through the grapevine and optioned it from Vaughn. They shot a screen test of a young actress, Carmen Solano, and a cow chosen to play Beso. 

 Where's Aida? seemed poised to spring from screenplay to produced movie. But the cow wrangler wanted too much cash upfront. Negotiations collapsed. The screenplay achieved the sterile honor of also landing in the Baja slush pile.

Deal deader than cheap gas, Vaughn lapsed into a depression. He had quit his temp job and used the Baja option money to buy a hash pipe and a cravat in anticipation of being a screen writer. Grandma Flores had already invited their family and friends to the Oscar awards. But time dulls all wounds. Vaughn realized that the hard work of writing didn't exactly fog up his bong. There were other things in life. And while he never stopped smoking pot, he eventually found a job where it didn't matter. Today, Vaughn Flores is in charge of Amtrak.

And now a lost tale has finally been told.

 video: lichoo

Appalling Yarns Paints It Black

Stand by for a full ration of hilarious, dark humor. Sharp writing and exquisite detail characterize Dutch Heckman's thirteen short stories that spare no one's feelings. Explore tales such as a town's relationship with a likeable, child-eating ogre, or the ambition that leads a man to sell his soul in exchange for a job as a TV weatherman. Consider this a very modern, post-modern eBook, eclectic in its targets, and relentless in its obsidian vision of life. If you've been feeling exceptionally upbeat about matters in general, don't forget to pick up a copy of Appalling Yarns. You'll be different afterwards.

Currently, Appalling Yarns is featured on Amazon's Hot New Releases.

It also falls in the Top 30 for Dark Comedy.

Varieties of Writer's Block

Knox Comedy Live

 All I need are a few ideas. Usually I'll check out what's on—Gravity Falls, Wander Over Yonder, Phineas and Ferb, The 7D—then think of what might compliment, or play against, such shows. So far I have doodled the names of my neighbors, a telephone number for a physical therapist, and the word 'oakum.' Experience tells me Disney will want more.

When the going gets tough, the tough web surf. And in doing so, I stumbled across this old i09 article that not only explores writer's block but breaks it down into categories. For instance:

 "People lump several different types of creative problems into one broad category. In fact, there's no such thing as "Writer's Block," and treating a broad range of creative slowdowns as a single ailment just creates something monolithic and huge. Each type of creative slowdown has a different cause — and thus, a different solution."

And then they tell you even more. Value added? I think so.

I Podcast about Freakazoid!

Our Hen House

 Kevinn Gomez asks at length and I answer on his podcast, Friends in Hell. Make sure you give the guy a "Follow."
http://kevinn-gomez-9.podomatic.com/

John P. McCann Sizzle Page

'Twas suggested I post a few episodes of my work in a pleasant spot. I've chosen here. Sadly, not everything I've written has yet migrated to You Tube, but this is a fair sampling.


h/t: animall23


h/t: TheKingofBarbarian


h/t: Animaniac Clips 4 YOU


h/t: MYTV 


h/t: soupintern


h/t: alxnotorious

And for the literary minded, some micro fiction under a thousand words.

Fresh Ideas

Update: August 2, 2016, May 17, 2017, July 9, 2017, June 26, 2018

Also book trailers for my horror novel Hallow Mass plus my romance parody Fifty Shades of Zane Grey (both written as "JP Mac") and my non-fiction tale of prostate cancer, all fashioned with iMovie and free things from the Web.

Cornerstone Media


Cornerstone Media


Cornerstone Media


And there you have a small, but hopefully pleasing, portion of my work.

Medicine Mauls Writing

TV Trope

 Back in June I got a physical. Ever since, it's been procedure after procedure for a variety of bodily malfunctions from an MRI to physical therapy to a chiropractor to a colonoscopy to this new prostrate biopsy thing on Monday. No half measures for me.

Good progress on my H.P. Lovecraft homage, as well as the aforementioned Dark Urban Tales. But maintaining momentum is tough when you're stranded in a doctor's office. They're often run like Disneyland, where you're moved into a room, giving one the illusion of movement, but then abandoned there for long periods. Thank God for Kindle!

So far, none of the medical findings have been serious, just vexing and time consuming. Enough. Away. To the lumber yard! (Or the next draft.)

More on Dark Urban Tales

Image: taptoe

In between battling neighbors over noise issues and loading up my schedule with medical appointments, I managed to wedge in a little writing over the last few weeks. I am having a delightful time crafting new short stories for Dark Urban Tales.

Three previously published shorts will be included:

"Death Honk"
"Fresh Ideas"
"Bummed Out"

In addition, there will be narratives about:

The fate of a dietary zealot in a cineplex inhabited by strange,
junk-food loving creatures.

An actor pursuing romance as his play collapses around him.

The Office meets Locked Up: Raw in a company where the most
vital rules are not written in the corporate manual.

A job applicant at a daycare center must outwit amoral
children steeped in Machiavelli.

Young urban professionals discover you
can't militarize the police without a little collateral
damage.

As mentioned, this will be my first softcover book, in addition to eBook formats on Amazon and Smashwords. For all the labor, the excitement hasn't dimmed.

Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned Showcases Solid Writing

Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned by Wells Tower
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Nine short stories of relationships, status, and control are characterized by sharp writing and a good eye for metaphor. Tower's tales often involve change and a character's need to adjust as in "Executors of Important Energies" where a son must deal with a father's fading memory as well as the unexpected addition of a stranger to the relationship.

Other stories involve the consequences of infidelity, antagonistic brothers seeking common ground in the killing of a moose, and jaded Vikings hoping to find serenity in raiding one more island. A funny, dark, hopeful collection of well-crafted yarns.

View all my reviews

Kaiju Apocalypse Cuts Corners

Kaiju Apocalypse by Eric S. Brown
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Action for action's sake marks this eBook that draws heavily on story elements from films such as Pacific Rim and Starship Troopers. Rising seas have broken the Earth up into island nations. But Kaiju, big monsters, are destroying Mankind's redoubts one by one. With only a single refuge left, the military launch a final, desperate mission with humanities' survival at stake.

Stock characters leave you no one to root for. Contrived story elements can pop up at any time. Cliched prose included such ancient phrases as "frayed nerves," "swarmed like locusts," and something exploding "like an overripe melon."

If you don't read widely, you might not mind the various flaws. But it seemed like the book was rushed into print without benefit of copy editing or proof reading. Good cover art, but the authors might consider building a tale worthy of the image.

View all my reviews

Dark Urban Anthology Coming Up Soon

Image: Free Wallpaper

 Maybe even next on the publishing calender. Last week was a grind, as I wrote out a second draft on a short story that billowed out to over 6,000 words. As of today there will be eight stories in the projected anthology, including three previously published and five original. The theme is dark urban fiction. Not horror, but psychologically disturbing—much like my neighbors and certain members of  state government.

My H.P. Lovecraft comedy-horror tale simmers now on draft six. I'm giving it another week, then I'll see if I'm motivated to continue. It will be a full-length book released in soft cover and eBook formats sometime later this year. And that's the state of that for now.

Fishy Praise for The Little Book of Big Enlightenment

An Amazon affiliate site has the following to say about:

The Little Book of Big Enlightenment

"For anybody who is searching for a fantastic and trustworthy The Little Book of Big Enlightenment with cheap value, you arrive towards the best destination. We offer you with lowest value The Little Book of Big Enlightenment which you could be seeking. Now we have accomplished the basic research in your case to be certain that you will obtain the most edge from us."

Why can't you "with cheap value . . . arrive towards the best destination?" I'm guessing this means obtain a copy of the "Little Book" today and learn how Big Spirit hopes to stop you from obtaining rapid spiritual enlightenment in the time it takes you to read 67 pages.

Or it could be urging you to buy a frog-shaped cookie jar. Be your own judge.

Author Honors 'Nam Vets

On this Memorial Day, I repost an entry from Jan. 2012 on Nolan. I still intend to write about my 2000/2002 experiences in Cambodia and Vietnam working for the State Department and the Agency for International Development, and how you can see the history of the war written in the cratered earth. But that project will blossom when the moment is right. For now, let this post be my Memorial Day tribute.

 There was a time when I burned through military history books by the gross. I read famous authors like Band of Brothers' Stephen Ambrose and not-so-famous guys like Keith William Nolan. My history book reading has fallen off lately and so I just learned Nolan died three years ago from cancer. His specialty was the Vietnam War and his works relied heavily on interviews with American veterans who fought there.

Ten years ago, I had vague plans of producing a film based on Nolan's book about Operation Buffalo, which centered around the ambush of a Marine company in 1967. As I was returning to Cambodia for a project with State Dept./USAID and Warner Bros.—a story in itself—I made plans to visit the battlefields in neighboring Vietnam.

And so I contacted Keith William Nolan and asked for an option to develop a project based around his 1991 book Operation Buffalo: USMC Fight for the DMZ. I mentioned I was a former Marine who had served during the Vietnam era.

He let me have the option free.

That is simply not done in these parts.

By email, I thanked him for his generosity.

I CORPS

In time, I toured the landscape of Operation Buffalo, a dangerous patch of ground still peppered with Viet Cong mines and booby traps as well as unexploded American and North Vietnamese artillery shells. I walked the narrow, red dirt lanes on which B Company was ambushed in an action that grew into the bloodiest day for the Marines in Vietnam.

I drew a crowd of Vietnamese, hardly any who had lived there back in the day. (Most had been relocated in 1966, the year prior to the fight.) At one point, I was invited into a hut and asked to tell a few elders what I knew of the event. With kids and dogs yelling outside, I spoke in bursts of English which my interpreter translated into Vietnamese, explaining how a battalion of North Vietnamese lured an understrength Marine company into an trap that wiped out two platoons and shot to pieces a second company that came to help. Many of the Marine M-16 rifles malfunctioned, and men were cut down desperately trying to remove jammed rounds from their weapons. Some enemy troops infiltrated Marine positions dressed in captured American uniforms. Their assault was backed with flamethrowers and heavy artillery—based in nearby North Vietnam.

IN LEATHERNECK SQUARE

As the sky grew darker outside, we drank tea and smoked cigarettes. Reciting Nolan's book from memory as best I could, I told how the Marines returned the next day to retrieve the bodies of their dead and that turned into another fight. More reinforcements poured in on both sides, culminating in a massive North Vietnamese attack preceded by an artillery barrage. The Marines mowed down the charging troops, sealed off breaches in their lines and held. The enemy withdraw back to safety in North Vietnam. Marine patrols from the hill base at Con then set out once more to sweep the area, and the pattern of Operation Buffalo would be repeated in minor and major keys for the next several years.

Outside the village kids gathered around as I reemerged from the hut. There was a huge freaking spider the size of a catcher's mitt hanging in a web attached to a nearby pole. I refused to look at the monster. I feared the kids would knock the hulking arachnid down with a stick and chase it toward me to see what the tall foreigner would do.

I came home and the option expired and my movie idea eventually migrated into a rather large folder of unfinished products. Nolan wrote ten books on the Vietnam War, but never made a pile of money. His publisher wanted him to write about "popular wars" because Vietnam didn't sell. But Nolan felt he had an obligation to veterans who were often treated quite shabbily, called "baby killers," and depicted in the media as drug addicts, psychos and losers. He felt someone had to tell their story.

He stayed true to that calling.

A non-smoker, 44-year-old Keith William Nolan died of lung cancer. He left behind a little girl.

Nolan's books are more than just the story of battles, interesting to history buffs like myself. They are our heritage, our nation's story, told by those present, their deeds preserved for kids like Anna Britt Nolan.

One hot August night, I was at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C. Little gifts, flowers and tokens are often left at its base by families, friends, and old comrades come to visit the names of the dead. Apparently a grade school class had passed through earlier and left various letters on lined paper in huge kid scrawl. One in part read: "Dear Grandpa, We saw the Vietnam Wall. I'm sorry you could not tell your stories."

Keith William Nolan could.

(Below is information on a trust fund set up for Nolan's daughter. If you can, please donate.)

Anna Britt Nolan Trust
c/o First Bank
6211 Midriver Mall Drive
St. Charles, MO 63304

Images: Two-Seven Tooter

Review: 'Nam Generals

In honor of Memorial Day, I'll be posting a pair of book reviews. Both are by author Lewis Sorley and deal with soldiers in command during the Vietnam War.

Honorable Warrior by Lewis Sorley

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


A forgotten man in the history of the Vietnam War, General Harold K. Johnson served as U.S. Army Chief of Staff during the run-up to the war and fought against the ill-conceived policies behind it.

A highly-decorated officer who had survived three brutal years as a Japanese prisoner, and served as a highly-decorated field commander in Korea, General Johnson saw the error in attempting to fight a war of attrition in Vietnam using draftees. He warned LBJ and Secretary of Defense McNamara that a failure to call up the reserves would result in cannibalizing the American Army in three years. As General Johnson predicted, men and equipment were stripped from Europe and other commands to feed the Vietnam beast. The American Army was transformed into a hollow shell.

Told in a linear fashion, Lewis Sorley's narrative follows Johnson's life from rural North Dakota to West Point, through two wars and a grueling peace, to four-star rank. A worthwhile read.

Westmoreland: The General Who Lost Vietnam by Lewis Sorley

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


It's been said that a commander is judged by his actions and his actions by their result.

If so, then history must take a stern view of General William Westmoreland. Famous for his command of American forces in Vietnam from 1964 to 1968, Westmoreland stands accused of being a careerist, promoted above his competence level, who fought Vietnam with the wrong tactics and allowed the Johnson Administration to use him politically as casualties rose and battlefield success grew more elusive.

A complex man, Westmoreland was a good officer, respected by his men at lower levels of command. Sorely chronicles his life and career as Westmoreland rapidly ascends through the ranks under the patronage of General Maxwell Taylor.

Given command in Vietnam, Westmoreland relied on body count as a metric of success. But by "cooking the books" to hide the rising number of enemy troops he faced, then returning to America to announce enemy capabilities were being degraded Westmoreland eroded his credibility and that of the Johnson Administration. When the NVA/VC Tet Offensive erupted in 1968, it made the general appear ill-informed or hapless.

A controversial commander in a controversial war, Westmoreland is worth a look.



View all my reviews

E.T. Panzer Ace Returns

(Visitors keep visiting this post from Sept. 2012. So back it comes with only a minor tweak or so.)

In any given year roughly 250,000 speculative screenplays circulate around Hollywood, written for free by someone with a dream and a keyboard. Perhaps 50 will be purchased. That means 249,950 untold stories will silently wither, never to stimulate our imagination. But that Darwinian process changes today. Every Friday Write Enough! resurrects moribund scripts from the Hollywood Slush Pile, drawing on a veritable Marianas Trench of passed over pictures for a peek at might have been.

Today's offering is the 1983 sci fi/historical thriller: E.T. Panzer Ace.

Eager to piggyback on the success of Steven Spielberg's 1982 mega-hit, screenwriters typed out their top friendly alien offerings. But one canny scribe counter-punched. Aspiring wordsmith Moss Karling, a military history buff and bartender at Bob's Frolic Room in Hollywood, poured his dark passions onto the page. Eventually he convinced character actor (and regular customer) Gill Hong to show the script to his agent.

Karling's story followed the Spielberg path of a lost alien. But Moss elected to have the creature  marooned in 1943 Germany. The frightened being is discovered hiding under a Panther tank by lonely gunner Manfred Knobble. Knobble lures it into the barracks by leaving a trail of schnapps and cigarettes. Through an improbable series of events, E.T. eventually becomes a top panzer commander on the Eastern Front, personally decorated by Hitler who is told the odd-looking soldier hails from Tibet.

In a rare production still, E.T. (Gill Hong) is awarded an Iron Cross by Hitler (Loaf Masters).

But a suspicious Gestapo want the chain-smoking alien brought in for questioning. Knobble helps his friend construct a device to call for rescue, using an old concertina, barbed wire and a Volkswagen battery. The contraption works and a spacecraft arrives. Soldier and alien toast farewell with mugs of schnapps. As the groggy extraterrestrial staggers onto the ship, Manfred presents a parting gift—an antitank rocket. Thick with drink, the befuddled E.T. accidentally triggers the weapon inside the craft, setting off a thermonuclear explosion that vaporizes ship, alien, Knobble, and twenty-nine acres of the Black Forest.

"I'm just not seeing this," said Gill Hong's agent. "And the ending's a little dark, yes?"

A determined Karling set out to film the picture himself. He raised enough money to shoot fourteen minutes of footage, using borrowed equipment and actors like Cleveland Bevel who went out to become a featured extra in Air Wolf.

In time, Karling's interest in the project waned and he began a successful career writing historical fiction. His copy may be found on many official U.S. government websites. Hong worked steadily, later becoming a fixture in Tucson dinner theater. His former agent was arrested for lewd conduct with office furniture.

But now a lost tale has finally been told.
Image: alienresearchalliance.com   

Ruegger Remembers

For your nostalgic viewing, Tom Ruegger over at Cartoonatics has been posting photos of people who helped make the above-mentioned animated TV shows, but whose names usually shot by on the credits at light speed. Another entry here.

L.to R.: Tom Ruegger, Richard Stone, Julie and Steve Bernstein being happy.

Last Day for Discount on Molten Hot New Age Satire

All things end: nations, droughts, the Cub's absence in a World Series—though I'm not 100% certain about that one. Nonetheless, the same applies to discount code SQ34V. After today, it may no longer be applied to The Little Book of Big Enlightenment. You may no longer purchase a fun, fast read spoofing New Age practices for 50% off.

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Learn about the dangers of hyper-enlightenment. What is Tarot Face? What happens when you contract the Cry of Atlantis?

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