Dark Horse via The Onion

Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President

Arcane News

Congratulations to president-elect Obama.

Conspiracy theorists point out that "Obama" spelled backwards is "Amabo."

They go on to reveal that Amabo is the name of:

A. A swank eatery mentioned in the Kabbalah.

B. An old Star Trek villain.

C. A nickname for a guy called Amab.

D. A Zulu word for warthog pellets.

E. Too cryptic for you to understand; too intricate to explain; but I get it!

Smattering

Of rain and TNT runners yesterday. Most of the Team ran or cheered up at the Santa Barbara Half Marathon while a few kept a practice going at the Rose Bowl. Despite lightning, swirling winds, and a brief but heavy rain, a handful of runners and walkers finished 12 miles. I walked the last 3.1 with Larry. It was the longest I've been on my feet since early September. A stiff back and a few knee twinges, but otherwise Okay.

Next week I'll try walking a few days and see what consistent use brings to Recovery Fest '08.

Pumpkinhead

On this most spooky of days, a tribute to composer  Richard Stone.

Seasonal Ode

A few minutes commemorating All Hallow's Eve.

Vote!

These people will tell you why.

Gibbon Activist Slain!

Write Enough has obtained information suppressed by the L.A. Times. Undisclosed sources report the Times has possession of a video tape showing the murder of gibbon activist Ingrid Bunt. An outspoken defender of lessor apes, Bunt believed they were as intelligent as humans and superior to teenage males and members of congress. In 2003, her body was found on Monkey Island at the Tucson Zoo. Police believed Bunt was murdered while attempting to register gibbons to vote.

Long thought to have been slain by nomad bums, Bunt was killed by gibbons. According to sources, the footage shows Bunt holding out a form to a gibbon while she pantomimes signing. The gibbon distracts her with cute, touching gestures that indicate understanding. Meanwhile, a second gibbon creeps up behind Bunt and riddles her with a Glock .40 caliber. Tossing the pistol into the moat, the gibbons emptied Bunt's purse, ignoring credit cards but keeping a compact mirror and a package of mints. Later, footage showed one gibbon using the mirror to direct sunlight into the eyes of a mountain goat. The second gibbon traded the mints to a female in exchange for sex and flea removal.

What is the Times afraid of? Release the tape today or be branded "monkey pawn." Of course, nowhere in all this do we learn of any gibbon remorse. To this day, they loll about their island, well-fed, waiting, waiting, waiting.