Noteworthy Addition

Welcome to old Warner chums (and champion composers) Steve and Julie Bernstein as they set aside their keyboards and climb aboard the blog train for hours of non-lucrative, yet stimulating, fun. You meet a better class of unemployed here.

Shhhhhh!!!

MDW and I returned from seeing Gran Torino - which I liked a lot. However, the coming attractions had a tedious sameness. Like the synchronized drivers of Dallas, different studios are releasing similar films dealing with a small group fighting back against a massive conspiracy by:

1. A giant billion-dollar corporation whose reach goes "all the way to the top."

2. A giant bank underwriting dictatorial regimes with tentacles everywhere and a reach that goes "all the way to the top."

3. Something else where a there's a conspiracy that doesn't go all the way to the top, but extends part of the way, stops, takes the stairs, rests and has a smoke, then gets off on the wrong floor, but sees the snack cart and stops for a Danish. Later, it reaches the top by freight elevator. 

I might Netflix the last one.

Paul Rugg as Stephen Hawking

Another coup by Paul Rugg as he scores an advance track off Professor Stephen Hawking's new comedy album, "Hawking Goes BANG!!!!"

Iceland is MINE!

Paul Rugg and his accountant left far too soon. The frosty island nation fell into my hand today like a ripe naval orange. And all I did was respond to an unsolicited email.  This fellow in Nigeria said his dad was once Secretary of Money for all Iceland. Anyway, there was a coup and his dad died after being gored by a war reindeer. Anyway, this Nigerian guy said his dad had stashed several billion dollars in a bank on Lichen Island, which I assume is right near Iceland. He said he needs my bank routing number and account information so that he can get the money out and, in return, grant me title and deed to Iceland. I'm not sure how that works, but once I've taken possession, I can summon the war reindeer and invade Greenland which is closer to Los Angeles and which I'd rather have anyway. So, wish me luck and come visit me in Greenland. (Or Johnland. I'll have to see how much it'll cost to change the stationary. If it's too much, it'll stay Greenland.) Anyway, this is great! I'm going out now and buy fur garments.  

Rich Arons Smells

But that's because he and his Gang of Seven pals have been drawing Pepe Le Pew for AT&T.

Bale vs Hu Jintao

A volcanic actor and a pushy Chinese chairman throw down on the set, courtesy of Paul Rugg. WARNING: Do not drink liquids while listening. This is milk-out-the-nose funny.

Knee Zap

While performing a mundane household task, I felt a sharp knee pain. Sharp pains are usually serious pains, meaning some manner of stop-running injury. As my HMO is the medical equivalent of Jiffy Lube, I've decided to pay my old doctor cash for X-rays and a diagnosis.

In the meantime, I'll pretend I really did want to swim more.