Smashwords Holiday Book Sale

Find them here!

 In truth, my BOOKS are 50% off. Not all of them, just the ones on Smashwords or Smashwords via Draft2Digital.  A deal-bargain-score for the Christmas season! Choose between subjects as diverse as horror, humor, parody, or prostate cancer. I'd go myself, but I wrote them all. 

Paul Rugg and I are Hired at Warner Bros. v.6

 

And I Have the Memories to Prove It

Today, December 16, marked 27 years since Paul Rugg and I were offered jobs at Warner Brothers TV Animation. We were over at Paul's house watching Zontar: Thing From Venus, drinking coffee, eating chocolate donuts, and smoking. We'd just turned in scripts for some new show called Animaniacs. (Mine was "Draculee, Draculaa.") Paul's wife was off earning money as a social worker, while my future wife was still employed at the magazine I'd quit two months earlier. Rugg and I were performing improv and sketch comedy at the Acme Comedy Theatre. (Along with cast member Adam Carolla.) Money was very tight. The payment for one script would really help out my Christmas. 

Then Kathy Page, Tom Ruegger's assistant, called to offer us staff jobs and the trajectory of our lives veered sharply into an unexplored cosmos.

We were amazed, stunned, numb. Walking outside, we smoked more and talked it over. Should we take the jobs or would they pollute our comedy pureness by turning it commercial? We would accept the work immediately. 

Now it all seems opaque. If it weren't for the Web and talking to Paul Rugg yesterday, I'd swear the whole experience never happened. But I'm glad it did. (Paul, too.)  So thanks to Tom and Sherri Stoner. (And her husband, M.D. Sweeney, our Acme director, who recommended us.)

Note: After thirteen years of blogging, I'm running out of life events to chronicle.

Notes: 2019

A little hyperbole last year. I have plenty of life events and more on the way. Now then, Paul's episode was about a pet shop, I believe. In 1991 I wrote on a Mac Classic. (They look so quaint now, like a fancy radio from 1938.) Jeffrey Dahmer, Silence of the Lambs, Thelma and Louise, the unraveling of the Soviet Union and the number of computers on the newly commercialized Web reached one million.

Not mine, but similar.

Notes: 2020

What a year! (Wednesday will be 29 years, but close enough.) Pandemics, riots, politics. It's like 1968 on crystal meth. What's new? Well. You can now obtain the Top 5 Dating Tips of H.P. Lovecraft. Yes, that weird horror guy. For details, go to this nifty spot.  Actually, try THIS nifty spot for my mailing list, should such an act spur you. 

Notes: 2021

NOW it's 30 years. After three decades, events merge together into a clot of time. But I'll never forget that day. A life-changer. 

Notes: 2022

Paul has moved to Virginia. I remain in crumbling California. People on Twitter keep the memory of Animaniacs alive. I thank them.

CIM Marathon Stats

10,000 Stoopwaffles

Stoopwaffles sounds like a Nazi death unit on the Eastern Front. But nothing so dire here. A Stoopwaffle is a confection I was handed post-race. Very tasty. California International Marathon runners hailed from 32 countries and all 50 states. But how many tubs of Vaseline were used? Scroll down for that and more.

Marathon Report: CIM 2022

 

activenorcal.com

Lessons galore awaited me in my 7th marathon. New approaches and techniques had been incorporated into my training, lending uncertainty to the final outcome. Would these new elements cause me to bonk? Blow up? Grimace in the presence of photographers? Here's what happened.

Back in July, I was goofing around on the web instead of working on my book. Ending up on the California International Marathon website, I had a pang of nostalgia. Once, I'd signed up for the same race, intent on qualifying for the  prestigious Boston Marathon. But injuries by the crate load sidelined my training and appeared to end my running career. 

Anyway, 14 years later, I signed up for CIM. My 2022 training commenced with the goal of breaking five hours. But then I went on vacation. My hopes of incorporating training runs with travel fizzled. I lost two weeks.

Back home again, I only had 10 training weeks left. Some running economies would be necessary. Preparing for Surfers Point the previous year, I'd been steamrollered by my 21-mile run. Slow as I was, that distance was practically the same amount of time it would take to run the actual marathon. To keep my legs fresh, I chose to limit my longest run to 16 miles. 

My goals were to finish 26.2 with a smile and only lightly brush the fabled Wall. The smile would have to await circumstances. As for the Wall, I planned on taking electrolyte paste—known as "gu" and also a popular brand of exercise paste—earlier than I normally did and staying well hydrated.

Since rain was forecast for race day, I packed the poor man's rain coat: a 33 gal. trash bag.

Sunday in Sacramento

At 4:45 AM, rain swept the parking lot, drops beading on windshields. Boarding a drafty school bus, I was conveyed with my fellow runners to the start-line near Folsom Prison. CIM sure didn't skimp on Porto-Potties. I was able to locate one without too much hopping around. There were almost 9k runners waiting in the drizzle for the the race to start. I figured to hang out in the back, go out slow for the first few miles, than dial up the pace, hitting the second half of the race with more zip. I'd make up the time and bust five hours like dropping a dish on bricks. 

Loudspeaker banter from someone, then a woman sang "The Star-Spangled Banner," then the race began. Seventeen and a half minutes later, I crossed the timing mat. Downhill, then up. That would be the pattern for most of the race. You run a little different going uphill, conserving your energy, then drop your arms and let your legs swing back on the downhill. These weren't steep hills, nothing like what I trained on, but they grew monotonous. 

activenorcal.com

Pretty green country with farms and horses, and people outside in lawn chairs. "You're almost there," yelled someone on the second mile. No one laughed, not even the man who said it.

I smiled at people cheering. ("You've got this.") It was a good way to pump up my own energy. But in the course of things, I let my pace lapse. By around seven miles, I realized I needed to hustle. As we ran through suburban Sacramento, past high school cheerleaders, taiko drummers, djs spinning techo mixes, musicians and vocalists, I sped up. By around the 13.1 mile mark, I was closing in on goal pace.

"It Could Be Worse," said a homemade sign, "You Could Be at Work." The overcast sky parted and we ran under a clean polished blue sky. Wadding up my "raincoat", I jammed it into a trash bag held by a teenage dude. "Watch," I said, "It'll rain now." He snorted in amusement.

Too much water; that's what my stomach said. I felt bloated. At mile 18, I couldn't touch another Gu. I also noticed that walking ached almost as much running. Between miles 21 and 22, we ascended a bridge over the American River. Coming down the other side, a man yelled, "You're on the fast part now."

Really? My legs felt as heavy as iron girders. As we entered the Sacramento city limits, a woman checked her cell phone and cried, "86.6 percent of runners have already finished." She seemed delighted to convey the information, as if responding to popular curiosity. The only runner I cared about was me. Dark clouds drifted overhead.

Best message of the day was held up by a boy of around nine. His homemade sign read: "This is the worst parade I've ever seen."

While I was holding pace, I still hadn't made up lost time. At mile 23, I took off, giving it all I had left. 

Grit-your-teeth time. Everything hurt. My feet burned as if running on lava. I hoped for an injury so I could walk in. 

At mile 24, the rain resumed. I was grimacing for all to see, praying the finish line would rush forward to meet me.

Then we were in downtown Sacramento. The rain eased off. The finish line was just past a jigsaw beyond the 26 mile sign. Straight then left. My wife Joy waved from the sideline. "See you up ahead," I called. Then the course hung a left dogleg and the finish line awaited 

A woman passed me. An odd hobbling man passed me. To break five hours, I needed afterburners like a Titan rocket.

Wobbling over the finish line, I checked my time: missed the goal by 24 seconds.

And So?

Clearly, I should've picked up the pace sooner. I tended to weave across the course, wasting even more time. Still, I bettered my last marathon by 22 minutes. I also discovered that 16 miles is just fine for the longest of the long training runs. I didn't smile at the end, but I didn't suffer from a lack of electrolytes. I felt relatively good.

You race like you train. I trained to finish and did. If I want an afterburner, then I need to improve my chi running form, strengthen my core muscles, and set aside a dedicated running day for speed. I also need to practice marathon pace when my legs are heavy.

As we entered Christmastime, I'll allow my body rest for the next few weeks. But I'm anxious for the next marathon. Perhaps Los Angeles? Starting January 1st, I'll have a whole 11 weeks to train.

CIM Post Marker

 

A place holder until I can write up my notes on training and the race.

Famous People Born on My Birthday v. 8

 Birthday Post Redux

Having completed a marathon, I spent this year writing and marketing a book on my journey to the start line. I also trained for, and completed, a second marathon just last Sunday. Hence, my b-day post is late. A recap will be up shortly. (No book for this race. Well, maybe an audio book.) Having reached the age of 70, I may hire a town car for my next marathon. Delighted to enter a new decade. 

These people were also born on December 5th. How many have you heard of? Here's a more mature list. Enjoy productive lives!

In no particular order.:

1. Martin Van Buren - b. Dec. 5, 1782

2. George Armstrong Custer - b. Dec. 5, 1839

3. Walt Disney - b. Dec. 5, 1901

4. John P. McCann - b. Dec. 5, 1952

1. Martin Van Buren succeeded greatly in becoming the 8th President of the United States but was hardly remembered even in his own day. He had a large bull frog stuffed and used as an ink well in the White House. However President Taft later sat on it by accident and they had to throw the thing out. That's about it.

2. George Armstrong Custer succeeded greatly as a soldier in the Civil War but had a mixed record fighting Indians. (1-1-2, I think.) He is best remembered for his  spectacular fail at the Battle of the  Little Big Horn. At first, everything was going well; then it all fell apart under an Indian tsunami. In later years, Custer had a park named after him as well as a monument and a movie where his part was played by Errol Flynn. That's a whole lot more than Van Buren ever got.

3. Walt Disney succeeded greatly in animation, a pioneer in the field, creator of iconic characters—but not the word 'iconic' which has been seized upon by junior execs.—established Disney studios and Disneyland and is fondly remembered to this day. Nonetheless his body is frozen in a vault beneath Disney's Burbank lot and should Walt be reanimated and start making decisions again it could effect his legacy.

4. John P. McCann was greatly successful as a Hollywood atmosphere player. McCann was the ship-board stand-in for a Canadian actor portraying Errol Flynn in My Wicked, Wicked Ways. In addition, he is visible catching Dennis Quaid's jacket at around 1:19 in a clip from  Great Balls of Fire.
More successful in animation, McCann created the non-iconic character of The Huntsman. For the next fifteen years, he piggy-backed onto as many successful shows as his friends would allow. While the record is still being written, outsiders agree that McCann will be remembered by Bank of America and several other creditors who might reasonably feel aggrieved should he pass from the scene within the next several months without attending to the balance of his debts.

Images: whitehouse.gov, Parcbench, fold3

Top 100 TV Theme Songs

 

According to Rolling Stone. But there's plenty of nostalgia for all ages. 

Marathon Countdown

rt.com

Very little on the running front lately. I'm still depressed over the Dutchman's death and don't feel like blogging or Tweeting or working on my next book. I look for reasons not to do anything. But the marathon approaches this Sunday and I'm not so bummed out that I'd eat the race fee, hotel room, or months of training.

My goal remains to once again break five hours. Last year's Surfers Point race only counted a hundred or so marathon runners. Lots of elbow room. The CIM sports around 10k. That means close contact with my fellow humans in the first few miles. So I've factored that in as an asset to slow me down when every instinct cries, "Take off!"

Despite my grief, the race must go on. As Auden said in Musee des Beaux Arts: 

"About suffering they were never wrong,

The Old Masters: how well they understood

Its human position; how it takes place

While someone else is eating or opening a window or just

walking dully along;"

Based Black Friday/Cyber Monday Book Sale

 Back Again and Hungry for the Eyes of Readers

@AetherCzar

Yes, Hans Schanz, scientist and author, once again promotes free or .99 ebooks. Perfect for those holiday moments before the tryptophan kicks in. Choose sci-fi, fantasy, military sci fi, dystopian fiction or browse a selection of non-fiction including my very own Jury Doody. 

Go now, gather up these deals, and enjoy a fine read. At some point, the relatives will arrive and you can forget peace and quiet. 

So Long, Dave "Dutch" Heckman

Courtesy Angie Heckman

"Just Round the Corner"

He forgot more things than most people ever learned. 

Emmy Award-winning cameraman, passionate photographer, author and a brilliant funny guy, Dave Heckman passed away last week in Mar Vista, California, aged 71. We met in a bar across the street from KTLA back in 1979, later living in the same apartment building. When Dave bought a home in Hollywood, I moved into a guest house above the garage. 

Around 1986, he decided he wanted a nickname. For the next year or so, Heckman would correct people calling him 'Dave,' insisting he be referred to as 'Dutch.' In time, Dutch succeeded in giving himself a nickname on his own terms.

As Kurt Vonnegut might have said, "And so it went."

Below awaits a Heckman sampler. It's hard to believe there will be no more of Dave's hilarious acerbic comments. But plenty old ones remain.

Undistilled Heckman

What better eulogist than the Dutchman himself?

2007 - 2009:  Products of a Diseased Mind blog

Distilled Heckman

Write Enough! blog posts either mentioning Dave or featuring his writings.

2006: Getting Around with a Leg Cast

2007: The Value of Nothing

 Excerpt from The Value of Nothing

2008: 27 Years Ago

Time and Mrs. Murphy

2012: The Riots Recalled

The Dutchman Recalls the Riots

2019: Stalinfest

The Dutch/D G Heckman Reviews

If you miss Dave's outrageous humor, look no further than his books.

2014 Appalling Yarns

2017 Dreadful Outcomes

My wife, Joy, sent me the passage below. When it comes to the memory of Dave "Dutch" Heckman, I will be guided by this soothing wisdom:

Coyotes on the Fairway

sharetheoutdoors.com

Three of them. Rain kept away all by the most fanatic golfers. Same for runners as I had the trails to myself. But glancing over toward theWilson-Harding golf course in the early afternoon, I spotted a trio of coyotes, all with their heads down, still as oil paintings. Splashing past, I figured they were waiting for rain water to force up some gophers. But there have been a lot of coyotes out and about lately. Perhaps LA DA George Gascon releases them per his cashless bale ways. Feral bastard; same for the coyotes.

Speaking of running, my California International Marathon arrives the first Sunday of December. My training has been erratic, but I'm standing strong on my 4:59 finish. This training cycle, my longest run will be 16 miles. Because I'm so darn slow, a run of 20 miles ala last year takes almost as much time as the marathon itself. The body takes a beating and needs more time to recover. And since the benefits of long slow distance wane around three to three and a half hours, I'm game to discover the benefits of running less. (Should they exist.)

This time last year I was aglow from Surfers Point.

Let's see what kind of glow awaits in Sacramento.