My Annual Birthday Post

My lazy man's birthday post.

From December 5, 2011, I repost my birthday thoughts on fame and fortune. What have I learned in three four years? A kind word opens many doors, and that no man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a homunculus.

Also, writing a novel is a butt buster. Thank God I'm almost finished . . . with the book, that is.






Thank you very much to all who have, so far, wished me Happy Birthday. In thinking of this day, I am reminded of several famous Americans who share my date of birth. I will list three and examine their accomplishments as compared to mine.

1. Martin Van Buren - b. Dec. 5, 1782

2. George Armstrong Custer - b. Dec. 5, 1839

3. Walt Disney - b. Dec. 5, 1901

4. John P. McCann - b. Dec. 5, 1952

1. Martin Van Buren succeeded greatly in becoming the 8th President of the United States but was hardly remembered even in his own day. He had a large bull frog stuffed and used as an ink well in the White House. However President Taft later sat on it by accident and they had to throw the thing out. That's about it.

2. George Armstrong Custer succeeded greatly as a soldier in the Civil War but had a mixed record fighting Indians. (1-1-2, I think.) He is best remembered for his spectacular fail at the Battle of the Little Big Horn. At first, everything was going well; then it all fell apart under an Indian tsunami. In later years, Custer had a park named after him as well as a monument and a movie where his part was played by Errol Flynn. That's a whole lot more than Van Buren ever got.

3. Walt Disney succeeded greatly in animation, a pioneer in the field, creator of iconic characters—but not the word 'iconic' which has been seized upon by junior execs.—established Disney studios and Disneyland and is fondly remembered to this day. Nonetheless his body is frozen in a vault beneath Disney's Burbank lot and should Walt be reanimated and start making decisions again it could effect his legacy.

4. John P. McCann was greatly successful as a Hollywood atmosphere player. McCann was the ship-board stand-in for a Canadian actor portraying Errol Flynn in My Wicked, Wicked Ways. In addition, he is visible catching Dennis Quaid's jacket at around 1:19 in a clip from Great Balls of Fire.
More successful in animation, McCann created the non-iconic character of The Huntsman. For the next fifteen years, he piggy-backed onto as many successful shows as his friends would allow. While the record is still being written, outsiders agree that McCann will be remembered by Bank of America and several other creditors who might reasonably feel aggrieved should he pass from the scene within the next several months.

Images: whitehouse.gov, Parcbench, fold3

Why You Should Review My Books

An Astoundingly Simple 3-Step Process 

A fair number of you have read my books. I know because you've told me in person or in emails or, in one unusual case, by bonded messenger. But the majority of you have not reviewed my books on Amazon. So far, my books are a waving hand far back in the upper rows of a crowded stadium. But that can change today provided you follow my simple three-step process:

First, visit my Amazon Author Page.

Second, select the book you have read, or perhaps, you would like to read. You may choose from:

A. Jury Doody - An excellent JP Mac starter essay detailing my experiences as a juror on a strange case of spousal abuse. Short and inexpensive; only in eBook.

B. The Little Book of Big Enlightenment - A fine fictional shredding of New Age religion and aggressive marketing as a guru and a Viagra salesman quarrel over the best way to sell "Condensed Enlightenment." Only in eBook.

C. Fifty Shades of Zane Grey - A parody of E.L. James mawkish tome set in the Old West. Young Anna Ironhead seeks love from railroad tycoon Lash Grey, but will she succumb
to Grey's bizarre eroticism that often acts involves rubber mittens and a cake. The sex is mostly implied, hardly any bad language, and the violence is cartoonish enough to take the sting out. Available in eBook and softcover.

Third, review the correct book.

Ah, but how? You've never reviewed anything. You're not an English major. Words escape you.

You could start by watching Yaasha Moriah's short video presentation on book reviewing for beginners:



Yassha writes speculative fiction, sci-fi, fantasy. Her video is well-lit and she speaks lucidly. In short order you'll learn how you need to identify the main character(s) and the conflict such as Jack and Jill needing to get up a hill, then leave the reader with a question on the main dramatic action. (Will Jack and Jill get up the hill?)

There are tips on listing pros and cons, alerting readers to potentially offensive content, and other simple-to-understand methods that'll have you first timers writing like pros in a heartbeat.

Why review my books? Well, once a book accrues over 50 reviews,  the algorithms kick in and your text shows up in all the right places on Amazon. Sales increase and I'll be able to afford a trainer to whip my big ass back into shape and avoid the heart attack that, by rights, should be parking out front of my life right now.

So give a watch. Review a book. Help make an overweight man healthy.  

Blogging Ten Years at Write Enough!

(Image: prweb)

 Writing, Running, Medical Woes, TV Animation and Books

(And lately, quite a bit on H.P. Lovecraft.)

Last Saturday, November 14, marked my decade anniversary. Back then I was training to run my first marathon with Team in Training. To add links, italics, etc. to your posts, you had to enter html code. 

Now I'm a fat blob with more medical conditions that a small hospital and have trouble shagging my big butt anywhere but the refrigerator. But no more html. 

In 2005, I really thought blogs were a fad and didn't want to piss away my work on an electronic screen that no one, beyond my wife and a few friends, would ever read. 

I was mostly right. This blog wandered from place to place, event to event, much like me. Often it went through long periods of neglect, months without even a comment to mark its webly presence.  I've only recently cracked 200k unique views. Regular posters have come and gone while blogs themselves today carry the whiff of a 56k modem. But I'm glad I started. 

Knowing that whatever I write may well be read instantly has made me more conscious of what and how I compose, more aware of what can be left out. In short, it's improved my craft and for that I am grateful.

So happy anniversary Write Enough!

One day, I'll type the last post.

And I'm hoping it has nothing to do with medical woes.

 

 

Woodrow Wilson: Future PC Non-Person

Going, going, gone from the public eye. (Image: Indigogo)

Ex-Pres May Join Lovecraft as Historically Scrubbed

This happened faster than I predicted.

According to NBC News, protesters have finally discovered Woodrow Wilson's racism. After a sit-in:

"President Eisgruber and two other Princeton leaders . . . agreed to a number of actions including a request to Princeton's board of trustees about removing Wilson's name from the Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs, as well as to survey students about removing the name.

The university leader[s] also agreed to initiate a request for the removal of a mural of Wilson from a school dining hall, to enhance cultural sensitivity training for faculty, and to establish rooms on campus for "cultural affinity groups.

The students also secured immunity for those who occupied the president's office."

Of course, no one is saying you can't study Woodrow Wilson, or Lovecraft, without a trigger warning.

Just yet.

"Begone, foul, unclean reporter of news." (Image: Shot in the Dark)

And while evidence runs against me, I'll venture that we are witnessing the high water mark of pc bludgeoning. Maybe it's wishful thinking. But I believe we are destined to be decent to one another and communicate without indexing discourse to the feelings of the most hypersensitive and intolerant.

It's folly to judge historic figures from a century ago by early 21st Century politically correct standards. PC will fade. In time, all the ist and phobic words will appear as clunky and obtuse as cyclopean lawn gnomes.

Speaking of discredited Lovecraft, I eagerly await a book by French author Michel Houellebecq. Entitled H.P. Lovecraft: Against the World, Against Life, this work examines H.P.'s writing and influences. According to Amazon reviewer Tom Rogers:

"Houellebecq focuses on the sources of inspiration for Lovecraft and their impact on his creations and his narrative style. He seeks to show that Lovecraft's distinct voice derives from his psychology and biography. Dreams, racism, a minimalist personality and a crippling bonanza of paranoias, delusions, and depression are the raw material for the analysis . . . ."

In addition, Rogers observes that:

"Houellebecq makes the point pretty thoroughly that images of racial pollution and degeneration power a lot of HPL's stories, but it's worth nothing that while the horror writer talked a good racial game, he didn't really walk the walk. He married a Jewish Ukrainian and worked briefly on a propaganda book for the Italian government. These represent three races he claimed to despise."

Ah, a complex human being. A shame the World Fantasy Award was uncomfortable with nuance.

Click on the book link above and scroll down to read all of Rogers' review. It's the top one.

h/t for NBC NEWS: Brietbart.com

Beta Reader Blues

Dan in a mysterious mood.    Image: Newstrack.ng

Why Can't They All Be Like Dan?

Dan is a speedy zephyr. Dan is a molecule of light, knifing through dark matter. Dan embodies all that is noble and fair in beta readers. Dan absorbs a 200 + page draft in a week—and provides notes. Are the other beta readers sluggish, poky? No. They are generous helpful souls aiding me in making my book better.

But there is only one Dan.

My health has been off-kilter the last three weeks, with minor colds, headaches, coupled with inertia and a drooping ennui, all garnished with mundane depression. I eat and sleep way too much. Since April, I've been focused on this novel. I've done paying work as necessary, but this horror-comedy text has commanded my passion in a way no other writing project has done in many a year.

When I finished on Nov. 2, I swore I would never attempt another novel.

I am outlining the next one now. This upcoming venture will be sci-fi and requires more research as it tells the tale of a resolute young man attempting to complete a simple task while avoiding death at the hands of scummy aliens and monstrous kaiju.

As to the Dunwich Diversity Seminar, I wrestle with a new title. Ideally, it would incorporate comedy, horror, H.P. Lovecraft, and pc professors. But that may be too much. I'll settle for unadorned horror as long as the image is compelling enough. So far, I've got:

Dunwich, Diversity and Death
The Lurker at the Faculty Meeting
Clash on Sentinel Hill
Hallowmass
Miskatonic Masscre

More will follow, or be suggested.

Have a robust weekend!

Radical Islam Strikes Paris

158 dead and counting.

"This is Hell"

On the subject of offending actions, I find myself sadly blogging once again about innocent people  slaughtered by Islamic terrorists. Here are a few thoughts:

Similarities between the massacre at the Bataclan Theater and Beslan. In both cases, killers shot innocent people while wearing suicide vests, then blew themselves up when security forces arrived, butchering additional victims. (A lot of children at Beslan.)

The war in Syria and Iraq is brutal, creating battle-hardened cadres who don't mind blood and aren't unafraid to die, thanks to their religious doctrine promising paradise to jihadis. They are trained in weapons, small-unit tactics, and won't do stupid things like the '93 World Trade Center truck bomber who was captured after returning to the rental company for his deposit. We're not gonna be that lucky with these guys.

We may have to alter American police procedure. Normally, cops seal off a hostage scene and attempt to negotiate. These Islamic goons seem down for a big body count. Cops need to be ready for dynamic entry into a very fluid, dangerous situation with many innocents present.

This kind of attack is more scary—to me—than 9/11 which was linked to airplanes and specific buildings. Something similar to these Paris attacks could erupt in any mall, movie theater, concert, sporting event. It's much more direct and personal.

The Council of American-Islamic Relations should not be interviewed after incidents like this. CAIR are Islamic boosters. If the University of Alabama football team went on a rampage and shot up a mall, the person to interview on the news would not be the guy with the Crimson Tide"bumper stickers who deplores the violence, then cries, "Roll Tide!"

Radical Islam is our foe, not "violent extremism."

My prayers to the families of the victims.

Lovecraft Out as Award Image

 

Easter Island statue in formal attire or ex-World Fantasy Award?

H.P. Banished by PC into Stygian Darkness 

Weird fiction author H.P. Lovecraft's image will no longer grace the statues presented at the World Fantasy Award. According to organizers, authors and readers lobbied to have Howard Phillips likeness removed because he was an "avowed racist" with "hideous opinions." As reported in The Guardian:

"Last year's winner, Sofia Samara, who took the best novel prize in 2014 for A Stranger in Olondria, raised the issue in her acceptance speech, saying that "I can't sit down without addressing the elephant in the room, which is the controversy surrounding the image that represents this award." She told her audience that it was "awkward to accept the award as a writer of colour," [but not out of space] and thanked the board for taking the issue seriously."

I always thought Woodrow Wilson was a fairly big racist. U.S. President during Lovecraft's life, Wilson re-segregated the civil service and informed blacks that "segregation was a blessing." But he never wrote weird fiction and there are no award statues named after him, just high schools and bridges and the Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs, and the hundred thousand dollar bill.

In time, he will offend and his name will be removed.

Perhaps by the light of a gibbous moon. 

Lovecraft Horror Book Draft Done

Image: Arctic-Andy

Dunwich Diversity Seminar Ready for Beta Buddies

Since my last update back in August, I have trimmed the manuscript to a more manageable size, suitable for the eyes of discerning readers. This tale of a party girl grad student who realizes she's the only one capable of saving earth from Lovecraftian monstrosities has fastened onto my subconscious with lamprey-like tenacity. For the last nine days, I've done little but edit pages. (I did eat meals and washed periodically.) But enough fiddling with this update of Lovecraft's The Dunwich Horror. Away with this clash between the politically correct and a sinister warlock; off to the discerning toward the end of the week.

For the detail-minded, I cut 20 chapters down to 16; 304 pages to 216; and 99,386 words to 69,986. (I lopped off my funny, Lovecraft allusion-filled epilogue because it was anti-climatic.) This latest count doesn't include the, as yet, unwritten front and back matter.

And, as some may note, no Halloween release. As it stands now, I'll release the eBook version by Christmas and the soft cover shortly thereafter.

But for today, I will merely say, "Boy, am I happy to be finished."

Military Sci Fi Star Wars Flaws

Wookieepedia

This is my At-At, This is my Gun.

Ah, Star Wars hardware. Those big, tall, dinosaur-looking tanks from the Empire Strikes Back always fascinated me. But I could never get my head around them as weapons. They seemed designed as enormous, expensive and impractical behemoths. (I'm surprised the Untied Stated hasn't developed one for fighting ISIS.) Joe Pappalardo also ponders the military flaws in the Empire's weaponry. For instance, regarding the above mentioned dino tank, officially known as an At-At:

". . . they are not well suited for front-line action. Scaling up a 4-legged design to mammoth AT-AT walkers brings few advantages, and numerous disadvantages. Sure, the AT-AT could step over many obstructions, like trees and boulders. But steeper inclines and the inability to roll upright—its awfully boxy for such a maneuver; a barrel shape would help—makes this a dangerous ride."

Some guy with heart and a FGM-48 Javelin could knock one out. The Riders of Stinking Rohan could topple these big boys. There's more on SW military tech in Pappalardo's Popular Mechanics piece. If it were possible to speak with Emperor Palpatine, I'd have to say: Keep it simple and buy Russian, dog.

Happy Halloween!

h/t: Instapundit

H.P. Lovecraft Tips on Weird Fiction

Lovecraft is top left. His agent is bottom right.

Five Ways to Structure Your Horror, Sci-Fi, Fantasy Story

Who would know better? In addition to gracing the pages of Weird Tales with weird tales, Howard Phillip Lovecraft was a letter-crafting dynamo and would expound at length on the process of writing. For instance, H.P. opines on what elements go into fantastic fiction:

"The true weird tale has something more than secret murder, bloody bones, or a sheeted form clanking chains according to rule. A certain atmosphere of breathless and unexplainable dread of outer, unknown forces must be present; and there must be a hint, expressed with a seriousness and portentousness becoming its subject, of that most terrible conception of the human brain—a malign and particular suspension or defeat of those fixed laws of Nature which are our only safeguard against the assaults of chaos and the daemons of unplumbed space."

Over at Open Culture, Josh Jones lays out a quintet of Lovecraftian tips that will aid in your outre scribblings. May all your moons be gibbous.

Thomas Edison's Secret Lab Surfaces

Lo, a secret lab.

Animated TV Series Now on Netflix, Other Venues

Thomas Edison bequeathed to humanity a clandestine laboratory. According to Genius Brands International, "the secret lab, Edison's virtual ego, and his prototype robot remained hidden until a 12-year old prodigy cracked the secret coded message that Edison left behind. The young genius and her science club move into the lab and the fun begins."

One of these fine episodes is mine. (Or more properly, my name is on a script that story editor Grant Moran rewrote—but such is the nature of the business.) Kids, a lab, a robot, a virtual dead guy, but a very, very smart dead guy. These elements await you. Check out 13 action-filled tales on Netflix or your local PBS station.