"Bane Fish" Published

My short story on the law and surviving sea monsters has surfaced in Night Chills. Thanks to all who helped out with the reading last summer. (Image: Black Matrix Publishing LLC)

Foreign Freak

Takineko scores again.

Baby, We Were Born to Move Briskly

Or run, according a 19-year study. Seems it may even be good for you.

My Toby Danger Idea

Continuing to cull my paperwork, I came across an idea for a Toby Danger episode. In 1997, I pitched Jean MacCurdy on breaking out TD for its own series. Jean actually understood how the animation business worked and said she'd look into it, but the chances were remote. Everything developed with Steven Spielberg—Animaniacs, etc.—involved profit sharing and a host of complicated legal elements. Since Dreamworks was then a competitor, Warners didn't see any point in bankrolling a show in which they didn't totally own the property.

That said, here was my thought for "Danger on Ice."

An Alaskan cruise ship full of retirees is attacked by two giant snow crabs, who carry off a Jell-o effigy of Wayne Newton. The Dangers arrive to investigate on the Flying Island. As they circle to land near the fishing village of Muskeg, Dr. Danger lectures everyone on the how the government has a responsibility to help people in trouble. As the Island lands, it throws up a huge wave that swamps several fishing boats.

The Dangers disembark in the Danger Command Car, armed with a high-powered micro wave ray dish and a rack of stainless steel barrels for Dash to throw. They head over to the inlet where the cruise ship was attacked, accidentally locking Jules the cat outside the vehicle, clinging desperately to the radio antennea.

At the inlet, Dr. Danger investigates a shoreline littered with dead fish. Toby, Sandra and Jules go exploring. Dash attempts to open a metal thermos of cocoa with a pipe wrench and fares badly. Face dripping cocoa, he joins Dr. Danger who surmises that a mixture of cruise boat fuel and jettisoned low-salt meals have interfered with the aquatic ecosystem, upsetting the snow crab's diet.

DR. DANGER: You see, Dash, according to Newton's First Law of Physics, the crabs are left with no choice but to grow to monstrous size and attack Mankind.

DASH: When you put it that way, Doc, it makes a lot of sense.

Meanwhile, Jules pounces on a young bald eagle that has landed in the snow. Suddenly, a giant snow crab rises up behind the unsuspecting cat. Toby bursts INTO FRAME and grabs the bald eagle, fleeing as Jules is squashed by the crab. Toby tells Sandra how proud his dad will be when he learns he rescued a rare species. The eagle bites Toby on the nose and flies off.

Sandra and Toby are cornered by the snow crab, but a battered Jules has alerted Dr. Danger to the menace. Arriving with Dash in the Danger Command Car, they open fire with the micro wave ray, missing the crab and incinerating a forest of old growth timber. Finally roasting the crab, the Dangers are reunited in time for the second snow crab to attack. Dash buys time by throwing a stainless steel barrel.

Inside the Danger Command Car, Dr. Danger fires the micro wave again. But the crab is too close and tips over the vehicle. The Dangers flee in an escape flier, leaving the micro wave ray still running, pointed directly at a huge glacier.

Inside the escape flier, Toby realizes they've forgotten Jules.

DASH: Too late to go back, Toby. Let's hope Jules has a couple of his nine lives left.

CUT TO: The second snow crab crunching Jules.

Using the escape flier's grappling hook, the Dangers' at last clutch the second crab and drop it into a volcano. WIPE TO: The village of Muskeg where everyone is enjoying giant crab legs. As they return to the Flying Island, Sandra tries to get Dr. Danger's attention. The glacier struck by the micro wave ray has melted and a great wall of water is descending on Muskeg. But Dr. Danger is busy lecturing Toby on the importance of preserving nature's balance and how science must be harnessed to that end. As the Flying Island lifts off, the glacial wave submerges Muskeg, while the villagers flee, screaming "IEEEEEEEE!" (Image: Warner Bros.)

Must...Think

h/t: DuelistG via takineko's Facebook

TNT Birthday Bash

At an Eagle Rock bar near Occidental College, various Team-in-Training folk celebrated assistant coach Liz's 30th b-day. The crowd was mostly college-age. You got the feeling that if a fight loomed, the parties would threaten to produce laptops and write something cutting and wry. Congrats to Coach Dave, who is now engaged to Bethany. As always, I was the first to leave. Not a drinker, my departure was timed to avoid the odd mawkishness that can appear after several cocktails. ('I think of you as an older brother. Let's go to Europe.')

Finally

Jumbo short story went out today, just shy of 15k words. The story put me in mind of a large, overweight child that wouldn't leave home. Then one day, boom, he's gone.

And there's a sad emptiness.

But mostly relief.

Necronomicon Video

Life changing literature.

h/t: badadvicegoodtimes via Viral Footage

Salinger-Zinn-Rubinstein: Connect the Dots

Coincidence? Reclusive author J.D. Salinger, Marxist professor Howard Zinn, diminutive actress Zelda Rubinstein all dead.

All of natural causes.

All famous.

All old.

All now silent.

Who stood to gain? And why? Let's examine the facts: Salinger—literary giant, unpublished in almost a half century; Zinn—an academic giant who never stopped publishing; Rubinstein—very short actress, who starred in a film 28 years ago and never really cracked the limelight again. Here we see only the outward strands of an intricate web of—

Okay, let me start over: Salinger—rejected fame; Zinn—courted it; Rubinstein—had it and lost it. Fame is a four-letter word, but that word is also a sinister acronym. F.A.M.E. stands for—

Hold on here. I'm just warming up. Salinger—Catcher in the Rye; Zinn—People's History of the United States; Rubinstein—Poltergeist, a movie, which she didn't write. Two linked by art, one an academic, all involved in espousing world views that unmasked the hidden cauldron of—

Well, they are all deceased.

Short-Sighted

Doing the final polish on my 67 page "short story." MDW thought that it could easily be expanded into novel territory and very easily into novella world. I agree, but sending it out is all that concerns me now.

Struggling with this chi walking business. To work as exercise, it must first succeed as a means of propelling me across the living room to the front door. Since core muscles factor in, I'm exercising that area to increase strength. In the meantime, I've reduced my meal portion sizes as I try and drop 20 pounds. (For starters.)

But I will run once more. I'm not sure when or how far.

And if I want to build power, I can always print out my short story and press it over my head.

Killer Green

h/t: Mind Numbed Robot