Angry Artist Apes Attack on Titan

Manga Madness from the Hollywood Slush Pile

In any given year roughly 250,000 speculative screenplays circulate around Hollywood, written for free by someone with a dream and a keyboard. Perhaps 50 will be purchased. That means 249,950 untold stories will silently wither, never to stimulate our imagination. But that Darwinian process ends here. Write Enough! is committed to resurrecting moribund scripts from the Hollywood Slush Pile, drawing on a veritable Marianas Trench of passed over stories for a peek at what might have been made, written by those who might've been paid.

Attack on Titian

Resentment bubbled inside Joto Mate Kudasai like Icelandic magma. The Japanese artist erupted in rage at any mention of Hajime Isayama's runaway hit property, Attack on Titan. Isayama's one-shot comic had blossomed into an animated TV series, video game and an upcoming feature film.  Kudasai's own attempts at manga had met with indifference. His series, Misty Big Eyes, about a little girl with huge saucer eyes, strange destructive powers, and a lack of maturity, impressed no one. Kudosai's compositional skills were derided by other artists, and once referred to as, "Stick figures drawn by a crazy man on fire."

Kudasai Counterattacks

Falling back on his knowledge of the Italian Renaissance, Kudasai resolved to "jump the queue" and write a successful screenplay by ripping off Isayama. Joto Mate would then enjoy the sweet nectar of success based on a rival's material. (A note: while close in age, Isayama knew nothing of Kudasai, which only inflamed Joto Mate even more.) 

Locking himself in his room, chain-smoking, foregoing all pleasures including robotic sex and Silent Library, Kudasai worked on his screenplay. 

Cruelty of the Giants

A blatant rip-off of Attack on Titan, Kudasai's work featured young soldiers in a unit called the Commissary Corps who were trained to battle cannibalistic giants threatening the existence of humanity. In Kudasai's dense version, the giants would force human victims to pose as models for charcoal sketches. Afterward, the victims were devoured, neatly avoiding any studio fees. Later, the giants rendered the sketches into sensual paintings with bright, lively tints reminiscent of the early works of Venetian painter Titian. Their loud wine and cheese parties kept humanity up to all hours and resulted in poor work force production. Only the Commissary Corps, consisting of hyper-emotional, androgynous teenagers, could save the day. 

The Hard Streets of Tinsel Town

With his screenplay completed, Kudasai mailed his work to all the major American studios. Unfortunately, he wrote both cover letter and screenplay in Japanese. This resulted in a cool reception. Convinced that Isayama had hired underlings to steal Attack on Titian before it could reach the executives, Kudasai traveled to Hollywood and attempted to deliver his opus in person. A man screaming in Japanese, waving a screenplay outside a studio, is not as  uncommon in Los Angeles as one might think. Nevertheless, Kudasai was rebuffed. Lost, alone, unable to speak English, too broke to return home, with no marketable skills, Kudasai wandered the length and breadth of California. Eventually, he found work as head of the State Water Resources Control Board. 

But now a lost tale has finally been told.

Other Untold Tales From the Hollywood Slush Pile

E.T.: Panzer Ace

Where's Aida?

When Shriners Attack

NCIS: Yosemite

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Today re. Hallow Mass, Amazon reader Francis W. Porretto remarks that:

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Many thanks to Francis for his kind words. Do stop by Amazon today and grab a copy, should your time and circumstances favor such a deed.