Sunday, September 14, 2014

Little Book Slams New Age


SVP Wiki
There is much to recommend The Little Book of Big Enlightenment. Now there is even more: a cogent description! To the point:

"You don't need to know dharma from doughnuts to enjoy this lighthearted look at New Age practices and direct mail marketing. Because of legal wrangling and a "chakra mishap," a book on rapid spiritual enlightenment has been released with two completely different styles. On the one hand, you have the soothing mindfulness of New Age Master Lompoc Tollhaus, informing you about his discovery of "condensed enlightenment." On the other hand, you have the brash, edgy copy of ghostwriter JP Mac, pushing spirituality with all the finesse of a man selling Ginsu Knives on late night cable.


Guru and ghostwriter snark, snipe, and leak embarrassing personal information as they inform readers about a three-step method for attaining a new consciousness in the time it takes to read the "Little Book." In addition, Tollhaus and Mac both warn against the deceptions practiced by New Age corporate giants, better known as "Big Spirit."

However, in the midst of their squabbles, something subtle and unexpected occurs, forcing Lompoc Tollhaus to decide whether he really believes in his own discovery.

It's Deepak Chopra versus a Viagra salesman in a short, fast "Little Book" that delivers a rainbow of laughs."

This new description is up on Smashwords now and will be on Amazon shortly.  Oddly enough, you may purchase the "Little Book" on such sites as:

1. Amazon

2. Smashwords

3. Barnes and Noble

4. Baker & Taylor Blio

5. Kobo
http://tinyurl.com/k526knu

Friday, September 12, 2014

Paul Rugg Podcast Part 2

Animaniacs Wiki
 Stop by podcast Friends from Hell for twenty-five minutes of Paul Rugg recollections, courtesy of host Kevinn Gomez. Hear how Mr. Director became an Animaniacs character and discover the history of "froynlaven."

Update: If you happen to be in the mood for even more Paul Rugg, mark next Wed. Sept. 17, as Paul and friends launch their first improvised podcast. Check out That Voiceover Improv Thing for more details and the name of a special guest.  

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Freak-a-con Inbound for 2015

Image: Covers.com
 Twenty years ago next year, Freakazoid! went into full-fledged production. And look where it is today! Actually, that's the point. Negotiations so secret that I must shhhhhhhh myself are underway that could lead to a festive weekend of Freakazoid related events and panels and—please don 't be cross if it doesn't happen—a bear riding a motorcycle.

Paul Rugg has this to say about Freak-a-con.

In between 7Ding, Tom Ruegger may add his voice.

UPDATE: Tom has indeed spoken on the subject

But add your voice. If you'd like to attend Freak-a-con
leave a comment and tell us what you'd like to see.

Monday, September 08, 2014

Dalai Lama Ducking Review

Image: Healthy, Happy Green Blog
 His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, promoter of world harmony, spiritual leader of the Tibetan people, all-around Buddhist stud, has been asked by me to provide his thoughts and comments on The Little Book of Big Enlightenment. The Dalai Lama's insights on a short work that could revolutionize the field of spirituality will be invaluable. Despite a busy schedule, I believe His Holiness will approve of the phenomena of "rapid enlightenment," a three-step system guaranteed to bring a high consciousness to the great mass of humanity. I'm not saying the Dalai Lama is ducking the review. This is a man who smiles with compassion at Chinese commie thugs. But he is very busy with initiations, teaching and empowerments and might need a little nudge.

Help me help the Dalai Lama add his two spiritual cents to a groundbreaking, consciousness raising eBook, The Little Book of Big Enlightenment.

Contact the 14th Dalai Lama at:

Office: ohhdl@dalailama.com

Website Feedback:  webmaster@dalailama.com

Ask him to please provide his mindful comments on The Little Book of Big Enlightenment

And while I have already sent him a free review copy, let his Holiness know that The Little Book of Big Enlightenment is available at the following venues:

1. Amazon

2. Smashwords

3. Barnes and Noble

4. Baker & Taylor Blio

5. Kobo
http://tinyurl.com/k526knu

Please tell his Holiness that it's a short work and he should be able to zip through the eBook in no time, especially if he skips the "Acknowledgements."

Thank you so much. I will post updates on the progress of the 14th Dalai Lama in reviewing my book on rapid spiritual enlightenment. 

Namaste, man. 

Tuesday, September 02, 2014

Hollywood Slush Pile Features Where's Aida?

Back again by demand that, while not popular, would be if it were heard. 
 
(Here is the second edition of a series exploring the quarter million unsolicited screenplays that perish each year, passed over and forgotten along with their authors. This week we highlight a strange comedy that came close to seeing the big screen.)

Vaughn Flores worked for a temp agency in Alhambra, giving typing tests, making coffee, and getting everyone to sign office birthday cards. Each night he returned to a small home in La Crescenta where he lived with Grandma Flores. One winter evening in 1994, while smoking pot in his room and watching Matlock, Vaughn decided to write a screenplay. Then he'd have one just like everyone else who worked at the temp agency.

By summer 2002, after numerous distractions and many bags of chili Fritos, his project was ready. He called the script, Where’s Aida? Vaughn’s surrealistic comedy revolved around the Zavala clan, an extended Mexican family and their pet cow Beso de Leche. A headstrong bovine, Beso constantly tries entering the house to watch television, preferring soap operas to soccer and news.

Whenever a crisis arises, the Zavalas call upon bossy-but-lovable daughter Aida to fix things. Never seen throughout the film, Aida is the measuring stick by which other characters resolve their conflicts—what would Aida do? After a big fight and chase, the movie ends with the Zavalas realizing Aida is a real pain-in-the-ass. They move without leaving her a forwarding address

Getting tips from his temp agency pals, Vaughn managed to land the script at 20th Century Fox and Touchstone Pictures. But his work never passed the junior coverage readers. Said one about the screenplay: “More TV than film and bad TV at that, though I liked the cow.” Another wrote that 'Aida' seemed “a cross between Waiting for Godot and The George Lopez Show but with a funny cow.”

And so 'Aida' teetered before the plunge into that Tartarus of discarded visions called the Hollywood Slush Pile.

But in an odd twist, a company called Baja Quality Entertainment learned of the property through the grapevine and optioned it from Vaughn. They shot a screen test of a young actress, Carmen Solano, and a cow chosen to play Beso. 



 Where's Aida? seemed poised to spring from screenplay to produced movie. But the cow wrangler wanted too much cash upfront. Negotiations collapsed. The screenplay achieved the sterile honor of also landing in the Baja slush pile.

Deal deader than cheap gas, Vaughn lapsed into a depression. He had quit his temp job and used the Baja option money to buy a hash pipe and a cravat in anticipation of being a screen writer. Grandma Flores had already invited their family and friends to the Oscar awards. But time dulls all wounds. Vaughn realized that the hard work of writing didn't exactly fog up his bong. There were other things in life. And while he never stopped smoking pot, he eventually found a job where it didn't matter. Today, Vaughn Flores is in charge of Amtrak.

And now a lost tale has finally been told.
 video: lichoo

Monday, September 01, 2014

Appalling Yarns Paints It Black


Stand by for a full ration of hilarious, dark humor. Sharp writing and exquisite detail characterize Dutch Heckman's thirteen short stories that spare no one's feelings. Explore tales such as a town's relationship with a likeable, child-eating ogre, or the ambition that leads a man to sell his soul in exchange for a job as a TV weatherman. Consider this a very modern, post-modern eBook, eclectic in its targets, and relentless in its obsidian vision of life. If you've been feeling exceptionally upbeat about matters in general, don't forget to pick up a copy of Appalling Yarns. You'll be different afterwards.

Currently, Appalling Yarns is featured on Amazon's Hot New Releases.

It also falls in the Top 30 for Dark Comedy.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Varieties of Writer's Block

Knox Comedy Live
 All I need are a few ideas. Usually I'll check out what's on—Gravity Falls, Wander Over Yonder, Phineas and Ferb, The 7D—then think of what might compliment, or play against, such shows. So far I have doodled the names of my neighbors, a telephone number for a physical therapist, and the word 'oakum.' Experience tells me Disney will want more.

When the going gets tough, the tough web surf. And in doing so, I stumbled across this old i09 article that not only explores writer's block but breaks it down into categories. For instance:

 "People lump several different types of creative problems into one broad category. In fact, there's no such thing as "Writer's Block," and treating a broad range of creative slowdowns as a single ailment just creates something monolithic and huge. Each type of creative slowdown has a different cause — and thus, a different solution."

And then they tell you even more. Value added? I think so.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Thursday, August 14, 2014

John P. McCann Sizzle Page

'Twas suggested I post a few episodes of my work in a pleasant spot. I've chosen here. Sadly, not everything I've written has yet migrated to You Tube, but this is a fair sampling.


h/t: animall23


h/t: TheKingofBarbarian


h/t: Animaniac Clips 4 YOU


h/t: MYTV 


h/t: soupintern


h/t: alxnotorious

And for the literary minded, some micro fiction under a thousand words.

Fresh Ideas

Update: August 2, 2016, May 17, 2017, July 9, 2017, June 26, 2018

Also book trailers for my horror novel Hallow Mass plus my romance parody Fifty Shades of Zane Grey (both written as "JP Mac") and my non-fiction tale of prostate cancer, all fashioned with iMovie and free things from the Web.

Cornerstone Media


Cornerstone Media


Cornerstone Media


And there you have a small, but hopefully pleasing, portion of my work.


Thursday, July 24, 2014

Medicine Mauls Writing

TV Trope
 Back in June I got a physical. Ever since, it's been procedure after procedure for a variety of bodily malfunctions from an MRI to physical therapy to a chiropractor to a colonoscopy to this new prostrate biopsy thing on Monday. No half measures for me.

Good progress on my H.P. Lovecraft homage, as well as the aforementioned Dark Urban Tales. But maintaining momentum is tough when you're stranded in a doctor's office. They're often run like Disneyland, where you're moved into a room, giving one the illusion of movement, but then abandoned there for long periods. Thank God for Kindle!

So far, none of the medical findings have been serious, just vexing and time consuming. Enough. Away. To the lumber yard! (Or the next draft.)


Monday, June 30, 2014

More on Dark Urban Tales


Image: taptoe
In between battling neighbors over noise issues and loading up my schedule with medical appointments, I managed to wedge in a little writing over the last few weeks. I am having a delightful time crafting new short stories for Dark Urban Tales.

Three previously published shorts will be included:

"Death Honk"
"Fresh Ideas"
"Bummed Out"

In addition, there will be narratives about:

The fate of a dietary zealot in a cineplex inhabited by strange,
junk-food loving creatures.

An actor pursuing romance as his play collapses around him.

The Office meets Locked Up: Raw in a company where the most
vital rules are not written in the corporate manual.

A job applicant at a daycare center must outwit amoral
children steeped in Machiavelli.

Young urban professionals discover you
can't militarize the police without a little collateral
damage.

As mentioned, this will be my first softcover book, in addition to eBook formats on Amazon and Smashwords. For all the labor, the excitement hasn't dimmed.

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John P. McCann Sizzle Page

'Twas suggested I post a few episodes of my work in a pleasant spot. I've chosen here. Sadly, not everything I've written has y...