Alfred Hitchcock and Anthony Hopkins droll it up for the camera. |
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Hitchcock Film Review Up at F.O.G.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Animaniacs Back
On the small screen in December according to this article of information. Relive something. Experience something. Tell everyone you know something. In honor of this event, I present "The Ballad of Magellan." Remember: you can't help it if you're cute.
h/t: Kevin Singh
h/t: Kevin Singh
Friday, November 09, 2012
Skyfall Film Review Up at F.O.G.
Shaken and stirred all at once, Bond battles to save his old spy boss M, who has succumbed to madness and now calls herself Crazy X. How to handle this unusual situation is examined in "Reviews of Films I Have Never Seen" now up at Forces of Geek.
Javier Bardem sneers at James Bond because he's really EVIL!! |
Sunday, November 04, 2012
Halloween Dissed by French Cat
Sunk in despair, a somewhat black cat ponders the meaning of October 31.
h/t: Webless Ken via HenriLeChatNoir
h/t: Webless Ken via HenriLeChatNoir
Friday, October 26, 2012
Cloud Atlas Film Review Up at F.O.G.
No lie, G.I. You catchee No. 1 review all same. Tom Hanks catchee multiple roles in movie that say No. 10 actions long time ago now be No. 1 actions in future. All same same? Not really. Discover more at Forces of Geek as "Reviews of Films I Have Never Seen" examines philosophical questions posed by the Rhombus of Life. Image: paste
Tom Hanks portrays Mr. Future Man in one of his many Cloud Atlas roles. |
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Writing Trumps Blogging
Image: NerfWiki |
Odd but true. Blogging wanes as I rush to finish another short story before year's end. Old writing foes procrastination, perfectionism, and despair arise to hinder me. My antidote is cranking out a lousy first draft and not pausing to edit or judge the content. Then I will have something to work with. Nevertheless "Reviews of Films I Have Never Seen" will return Thursday with a gripping peak at Tom Hank's latest movie, Cloud Atlas.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Hollywood Slush Pile: When Shriners Attack
(Here is the third edition
of Untold Stories From The Hollywood Slush Pile, exploring the quarter million unsolicited screenplays that
perish each year, passed over and forgotten along with their authors.
This week we examine a work that sought to explore the depths of paranoia, but just didn't.)
“Dawn and a small Oregon town sleeps deeply like a sloppy drunk on New Year’s day. Suddenly the early morning peace is split by the sound of many tiny engines.
Then they appear.
A young women out jogging is the first to see them, riding out of the mist. She screams a forlorn scream of terror and despair and a darker emotion too primal to name but sometimes heard in Costco.
But it is too late.
They are many.
They are Shriners.
And they have come to rule.”
The above passage was taken from an outline prepared by Lisa Manly-Guam. Author of the screenplay, When Shriners Attack, (originally titled Mark of the Fez). Manly-Guam was a 24-year-old activist from Salem, Oregon. Other than writing this cryptic photo play, she remains a cipher. All we know for certain is that Lisa believed passionately in odd things.
One of her outrĂ© fears involved a patriarchal coup undertaken by the Shriners, an offshoot of the Masons. Formed as a fraternal order in 1870, the Ancient Arabic Order of the Nobles of the Mystic Shrine, or Shriners, are noted for charitable works, wearing silly hats and riding little cars in parades. In Manly-Guam’s opus, they are the hidden hand behind the world’s ills, infiltrating politics and banking; biding their time, pulling strings from the shadows.
And then one day they strike.
In her 1997 tale, the small town of Pine Head, Oregon is overrun by a Shriner horde. Shocked citizens cannot escape and must endure a reign of enforced fun. Our protagonist is the same jogger from the outline, Jenny Loam. In the wake of invasion, she find herself isolated as her parents and siblings embrace the Shriner ethos of good times and service. Loam stays silent, outwardly complying, even joining a Shriner women’s auxiliary, the Daughters of the Nile.
But inwardly, she vows to throw off the Shriner yoke.
Eventually Loam forms a guerrilla band, obtains automatic weapons and ambushes the Shriners at their weekly parade. Steel-jacked slugs riddle the invaders. Little cars crash, bursting into little flames. The Shriners attempt to fight back, hurling water balloons, but they are cut down like bunch grass. The film ends on a close shot of a bloody fez.
Registered with the Writers Guild of America West, Manley-Guam's screenplay landed at Sun Nova Pictures, a small independent production company. The coverage was puzzled.
“The Shriner Menace failed to deliver. They came across as goofy but benign.”
“Didn’t the Shriners build a hospital in Pine Head? Killing them sends a mixed message.”
“Perhaps the story would make more sense if Jenny’s parents were maimed by a little car.”
Out of the slush pile and into the wastebasket.
No more is know about the subsequent life of Lisa Manly-Guam and her Shrinerphobic epic. She remains anonymous. But that happens. Unknown authors are as common in this town as…well…unknown screenplays.
But now a lost tale has finally been told.
“Dawn and a small Oregon town sleeps deeply like a sloppy drunk on New Year’s day. Suddenly the early morning peace is split by the sound of many tiny engines.
Then they appear.
A young women out jogging is the first to see them, riding out of the mist. She screams a forlorn scream of terror and despair and a darker emotion too primal to name but sometimes heard in Costco.
But it is too late.
They are many.
They are Shriners.
And they have come to rule.”
Image: betterphoto.com |
The above passage was taken from an outline prepared by Lisa Manly-Guam. Author of the screenplay, When Shriners Attack, (originally titled Mark of the Fez). Manly-Guam was a 24-year-old activist from Salem, Oregon. Other than writing this cryptic photo play, she remains a cipher. All we know for certain is that Lisa believed passionately in odd things.
One of her outrĂ© fears involved a patriarchal coup undertaken by the Shriners, an offshoot of the Masons. Formed as a fraternal order in 1870, the Ancient Arabic Order of the Nobles of the Mystic Shrine, or Shriners, are noted for charitable works, wearing silly hats and riding little cars in parades. In Manly-Guam’s opus, they are the hidden hand behind the world’s ills, infiltrating politics and banking; biding their time, pulling strings from the shadows.
And then one day they strike.
Red Fez Among the Evergreens
In her 1997 tale, the small town of Pine Head, Oregon is overrun by a Shriner horde. Shocked citizens cannot escape and must endure a reign of enforced fun. Our protagonist is the same jogger from the outline, Jenny Loam. In the wake of invasion, she find herself isolated as her parents and siblings embrace the Shriner ethos of good times and service. Loam stays silent, outwardly complying, even joining a Shriner women’s auxiliary, the Daughters of the Nile.
But inwardly, she vows to throw off the Shriner yoke.
Eventually Loam forms a guerrilla band, obtains automatic weapons and ambushes the Shriners at their weekly parade. Steel-jacked slugs riddle the invaders. Little cars crash, bursting into little flames. The Shriners attempt to fight back, hurling water balloons, but they are cut down like bunch grass. The film ends on a close shot of a bloody fez.
Registered with the Writers Guild of America West, Manley-Guam's screenplay landed at Sun Nova Pictures, a small independent production company. The coverage was puzzled.
“The Shriner Menace failed to deliver. They came across as goofy but benign.”
“Didn’t the Shriners build a hospital in Pine Head? Killing them sends a mixed message.”
“Perhaps the story would make more sense if Jenny’s parents were maimed by a little car.”
Out of the slush pile and into the wastebasket.
No more is know about the subsequent life of Lisa Manly-Guam and her Shrinerphobic epic. She remains anonymous. But that happens. Unknown authors are as common in this town as…well…unknown screenplays.
But now a lost tale has finally been told.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Argo Film Review Up at F.O.G.
Spook Tony Mendez (Ben Affleck) hides behind the film logo. |
Iran. You ran. We all ran in 1979. All except six Americans hiding out from the barking mad Mullahs. Can a CIA agent train this undirty half-dozen to pass as self-entitled Hollywood types? There is no time to develop drinking and drug problems or crash a Mercedes into a dumpster on Sunset. The clock ticks as the Revolutionary Guard dogs the Yanks. "Reviews of Films I Have Never Seen" examines Ben Affleck's latest directorial project over at Forces of Geek. Go and sup upon hidden knowledge.
Image: WarnerBros.
"Bummed Out" Accepted for Publication
Darkness by Commons@OEN |
Monday, October 08, 2012
Fit to Be Tied
hollywood.uk |
feedbooks.com |
Snap Review: Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn II
(Image: pilkey.com) |
A human chick marries a vampire. Then things unravel. The reception lodge claims the deposit check never cleared. The space has been leased to a werewolf seminar on hair care products. Upset, the vampires celebrate there anyway, ordering the accordion player to "crank it up, Stan." Tempers flare, fangs bare and the curtain rises on the last installment of the popular 'Twilight' series, demonstrating how everyone in the state of Washington conceals deep unnatural problems.
Watching the trailer, you'll notice some business about a baby. But don't be fooled. It's a minor subplot—so to speak. The meat of the film depicts a wedding reception brawl. Watch the movie and if there's nothing about a vampire-werewolf polka contest, then you've been robbed. Demand a refund. Better still, howl like a wolf and demand a refund. This motion picture is a cross between The Wedding Crashers and Nosferatu.
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