Jack Odin: Viking Detective

What happens when a pacifist professor in a crime-ridden town magically acquires the berserker fury of the Vikings? As crooks quickly learn, justice can be swift and messy with big chunks of brain scattered everywhere. Watch for the first installment of "My Ax is Quick," a Jack Odin mystery. Coming soon. Here. And nowhere else.

Paul Rugg and the "Explosion of Doom"

Episode Four is up as Sam Plenty battles Queen Verbosa's invisible hordes.

Sometimes They Come Back

On Wednesday, I dispatched a large rat that had been causing mischief. I dumped the carcass in a drainage ditch that runs through the back of my property, knowing from experience that the ecological dining service — coyotes, owls, raccoons, bobcats — would handle matters from there.

On Thursday, I woke up early and took out the trash, leaving the garage door open. Two hours later, carpet cleaners arrived. One of them located me as I worked behind the house. He said there was a big dead rat in my garage. Sure enough, it was the same one I'd killed the day before. Perplexed, I deducted the following:

1. A large bird or animal seized the carcass, but for some reason dropped it by chance in my garage.

2. A human being(s) walked onto my property, into the drainage ditch, picked up a big dead rat, and placed it inside my garage.

3. Using cosmic rays, aliens reanimated the rodent. Seeking revenge, it attacked but expired once more before reaching me.

4. A human being(s) walked onto my property, into the drainage ditch, picked up a big dead rat, and accidentally dropped it inside my garage enroute to taxidermy class.

Then there's this possibility.

I invite theories.

Rumors A'Plenty

The Sam Plenty Cavalcade of Action! Show Plus Singing appears to be picking up some traction via viral marketing. But I've developed amnesia and can no longer remember why.

Plenty of Music

Where would a singing cowboy be without good composers? Old chums Steve and Julie Bernstein help keep Sam Plenty crooning about ranch life, evil underground armies and cow pies.

Steve, Julie and I worked together for many years at Warner Bros. on fun animated things. In addition, they also provided the score for my solo venture into filmmaking, the 1999 short The Glendale Ogre (one of only several trillion parodies of Blair Witch.) Post-Warners, they scored a public service announcement on land mines that I wrote and produced for USAID — Agency for International Development — and the State Department. (A project two minutes in length and three years in the making that took me to Cambodia twice and Washington, D.C. three times. A saga worthy of it's own blog.)

In any case, if you happen to have any old films or animation laying around the house and need them scored, give the Bernsteins a ring. Let them know if you have a coupon.

Sam Plenty's Cavalcade of Action! Show

If you like singing cowboys, cheesey special effects, evil people who live underground, and large Hawaiian gals who just happen to be on a ranch, then you'll love Sam Plenty. Written, produced and directed by Chilean auter Sanso Pontapuntaquenia, this comedy homage to Gene Autry serials of the 1930s captures all their goofy story points and bad acting . . . plus singing too! Presented by the Jim Hensen Company (makers of fine Muppets), Sam Plenty in Underdoom is now showing webisode three, "Test of Doom." Also check out Sanso's podcast interview.

Homes

Eleven years. I realize that I've lived in this house longer than I've lived in any one place. Second prize goes to my family's home in Skokie, Illinois. (Ten years until I left at age 19 to join the Marines.) And my friend Dave's guest house in Hollywood takes the bronze medal. (Almost six years.)

These thoughts arose as we looked at condos yesterday. There was one smallish condo in a nice building in a quiet area and that has become our template against which other condos/townhouses were judged. And they were judged harshly. There were nice condos in rotten complexes and rotten complexes with ill-kept condos, plus decently-priced, roomy condos in squalid, gang-diseased neighborhoods.

I really don't like viewing places where the people are home. They remind me of pet store animals, eager to be purchased. When our house hits the market, I'm gonna be parked in a coffee shop with the laptop. The only words I want to hear from a potential buyer are: "We'll take it!" ("We'll take it above the asking price" would be even better.)

Finally slept in my own bed last night. Our bedroom has been covered in plastic all week as the painters stripped wallpaper, sanded, primed, painted and conversed in Korean. We slept on a futon in my office. The painters are still here this week. I have a feeling they like the place. Possibly they'll make us an offer and save everyone a lot of trouble. Certainly they'll know what colors to paint once we're gone.

Run Down

Summer Team ran eight miles today. During and afterwards, there were many small injuries ranging from sore IT bands to tight calves. In fact, I've never seen so many people icing minor dings this early in a season. Coaches Katie and Kate held an injury clinic afterwards, instructing the disabled on what actions they could take. (Mostly ice and rest.)

My own training suffers from all the work being done around the house. Someone has to be here and I'm struggling to squeeze in runs when I can.

Contrary to my fine wife's opinion, I do not miss television. In fact, since she has cleaned out her old office, we've discovered a functioning TV. Of course, now it's covered in painter's plastic, but my computer plays DVDs should the urge arise. And when the urge arises, I can contemplate the fact that I sold most of them last fall.

One less thing to move.

(Note: This is the 3rd post I've ended with some reference to moving or not moving something. I'm as tired of this as you are. I promise I'll stop now.)

To Marathon Finishers

I present this little gem to all who just finished the LA Marathon.

Rich Human Moments

Showed up for a shift manning the Team in Training booth at the LA Convention Center. Loads of folk walked around with their goodie bags as the city gears up for this Sunday's marathon. Our booth neighbor was Pacifico Beer. Guys were lining up there to get pictures taken with two hot babes in cheer-leading outfits. TNT gave out free chap stick if you signed up for more information. Somehow the Pacifico Beer line was always longer.

Yesterday, an electrician arrived to replace a few light fixtures. He was a colorful old guy and we got to talking. Turned out he'd survived the Nazis in his native Hungary. He and a group of three hundred kids were slated to be shot when the Red Army arrived. The execution was cancelled and the Germans were chased out by the Soviets, who decided to stick around Budapest for the next 45 years. Just before the Communists locked the country down, his family escaped in the middle of the night. He drifted around the world from Germany to Palestine to Canada and, finally, the U.S.

"My father spoke nine languages," he told me. "Now, my mother: she was an idiot. She only spoke eight languages."

He was very proud of his children and grandchildren. His son, when in his 20s, had been placed in charge of a telemarketing office with dozens of employees. Concerned, he went to his electrician father and said: 'I'm just a kid. How can I give orders to people in their 30s and 40s?'

As his father related: 'I said to him, think of our rabbi. He is young and yet he is in authority. That is because he has greater knowledge than others who may be older. Trust those who have promoted you. And remember that your authority does not give you the right to belittle anyone."

"That's very wise," I said.

He shrugged. "You know what my son did? He went to work the next day, called all the older employees into his office, and beat them with a stick."

We had a good laugh.

Plus he replaced my light fixtures.

Weary with Moving

All this moving, cleaning, coordinating painters, electricians, termite slayers has worn me down. Much like mile 22 of a marathon, the goal no longer outweighs fatigue and quitting seems not only reasonable but long overdue. Plus I haven't worked in six months and have zero interest in writing anything other than an occasional post right here.

But, like mile 22, on I go.